Do we have a chance at dating the really attractive ones?

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Believe it or not, there are some "really attractive" girls who do not use their"attractiveness" to their "advantage, and are down to earth. And have down to earth tastes in men.

I believe you should try to put aside the old memories (without actually forgetting them), and start off anew.

There are doctors with autism. A doctor lucky enough to get a high paying routine like doing colonoscopies every day will be extremely attractive to some women, no matter what he looks like.

I would have to guess that in at least one point in time throughout the whole of history, someone on the spectrum has had the opportunity to date a "really attractive one".

Can autism be a barrier in attracting a "really attractive one"? I would say it can, but if you can demonstrate qualities that really attractive people look for, your autism won't turn all of them off. People are more inclined to overlook your undesirable aspects if you have qualities that are very desirable to them.

Put it this way - if Autism is partly genetic, and most aspies (in my experiences) are average looking, then it could be said that most aspies look average, and end up with someone average.

In my experiences when it comes to attractivness about 80% of the population is average (4-7/10), about 10% is below average (>4/10) and 10% above average (7+/10)

For me this has applied to both the N.T. and aspie popupation. Can you say the same for yourself?

That damn halo effect.

Do you believe attractive people are treated better by society and that people automatically apply positive personal attributesto good looking people without team realizing it?

Do you also believe that ugly people are treated worse regardless of their own attitude/behavior?

My 2nd & current girlfriend were/are & that didn't/doesn't bother me. I thought/think they were/are pretty attractive.
I think my 1st girlfriend would of been considered attractive by lots of people but it was a mostly internet relationship. She had dyslexia, sever ADHD, & alittle OCD & I have those things as well so we really connected.

There are quite a few atractive aspies (many on this site actually).

As for unattractive partners I think my partner is very attractive. Although that may be due to my own personal preference.

Maybe those aspies you know find there partners attractive even though you don't?

Like you don't like big girls and love skinny girls whereas sme guys love big girls and dont find skinny girls attractive it's your preference

Edited for brevity. But seriously.. it's true.

I agree with what Alliekit said. The question I keep wondering here is, what, in your opinion do you consider attractive? Different people find different people attractive for many different reasons. I've heard some say I'm beautiful, while others say I'm average, and frankly, it doesn't matter, as long as my boyfriend, who is on the spectrum, is happy! So, yes, they can, depending on different factors. I for one do not have much of a looks preference, since I have no sight, but I prefer one to be clean, well dressed, and clean shaven. This is what I mean by some people find different things attractive. Most people find skinny, muscular men attractive. I don't. I tend to gravitate toward more heavier set men, but not hugely overweight. I like him to look like he enjoys food a little. LOL. I don't agree with this pretty people should be with pretty people stuff. There's something to be said for personality also, and just because a person isn't gifted in the looks department, doesn't mean they have something inherently wrong with their personality, or that they have mental problems. I know a woman that is severely overweight, but she's the happiest woman I know, and always laughing, smiling, and cheering other people up. So, remember, the looks of the body is just an outside shell and could change years from now, so don't be so focused on that, and miss something good that might come your way.

I can't help but wonder if it's not necessarily attractiveness that you're concerned about, but instead how you are going to look to others by having someone you perceive as possibly unattractive on your arm.

In other words, it's your own self image you are most concerned about.

I've noticed this a bit on this board. People shunning the nerdier/shyer people to try to fit in with the (perceived) more popular social groups.

Could this be part of your issue perhaps?

What makes men 'attractive' in the eyes of women is pretty much kryptonite for us on the spectrum, it's pretty much the opposite of what most of us are. Confidence and being able to provide, that's a recipe for inadequacy. I feel like there is a lot more expected out of men than there is women when it comes to relationships, I feel like for a guy there isn't even a point trying unless you meet all the benchmarks. I never even get to the point of thinking whether or not someone is physically attractive enough, having read how others see the world as far as attractiveness goes I would say that I have a much more forgiving view than a lot of people. I just resent the whole idea of having to be a 'catch' and to chase down some stranger, this is a miserable planet that is getting even more miserable. Modern social culture is toxic, I do not have a lot of hope of things changing for the better.

Then you need to work on yourself, because one thing that is definitely NOT attractive in either sex is whining and complaining.

I don't even want to get into a "who has it harder in relationships" discussion because that talk is completely useless. Both sexes have a different set of problems that we face and each of us has to find ways to make it work. And almost no one has everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Work on you. Make you the best YOU you can.

^^ Since women are individuals, shouldn't some be turned on by whining? Or there's suddenly no individualism in that?

There are plenty of whiners to choose from!

Aspies are lousy at multi-tasking. If you have poor confidence and self esteem you aren't going to be able to do that while dating. You may be able to find a special interest that you can develop that would also be interesting to potential partners--working on that may give you the confidence you need to date. You may also be able to find a special interest you can monetize. Again, you aren't going to be able to do that while trying to date.

Monetizing things you create is hard. You might think about expanding your comfort zone to sell stuff. Yes, use your in-depth knowlege to sell stuff. Such jobs are often among the easiest to get--people will overlook degrees and experience if you can sell.

A lot of customers will actually set aside their racism/sexism/ageism if you are the only one that can answer their questions in their quest to buy something. Far too many people don't actually have an in-depth knowledge of what they are selling.

Last edited by BTDT on 06 Dec 2016, 10:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

Well I can whine and complain all I want here right? I am not auditioning for anybody, I am just venting and being honest about how I feel.

FWIW, all I do is 'work on myself' but I don't think that really gets you anywhere by yourself. Where it has gotten me is to obsess about missed benchmarks and have feelings of worthlessness & inadequacy, I ruminate about my life and compare myself to others, it's only natural. The way it seems is that you have to become borderline sociopathic to have any success socially especially when it comes to romantic relationships, the most cliche and unthinking advice in history is to 'be yourself'.

I judge myself more harshly than anybody, the pain and disappointment I feel I have caused others I feel tenfold for myself. People that haven't lost the social capital and don't live in basically isolation don't understand, it takes a mighty toll on you mentally. We all come from different circumstances and some people are obviously much more privileged than others. There has to be a motivation to keep on trying to 'better' yourself, there has to be a reason for a person to continue on in society, more power to the people that find meaning in cats and model trains but I don't find any comfort in things like that which are merely distractions. If all you receive is scorn then eventually you just want to drop out in one way or another, there does come a point when things are too late to turn around and change. I am very fearful for the future, I don't see a place for me.

I get it. It's easy to compare yourself to everyone else and think that you're doing worse than everyone. But at some point you have got to stop living in your own head and staring at your own shoes and looking backwards at things you can never change. You can't compare yourself to anyone because you haven't the slightest idea what is really going on in that other person's life. They may not be as well off as you think they are, so stop with the comparing.

What DO you have going on for yourself? Do you work? Do you go to school? How's your living situation?

When you say "you work on yourself," what does that mean? HOW exactly do you work on yourself?