Compliments are bad when given to women? Article

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^^ this feminist agrees.
there is too much focus on nonconstructive narratives coming in from both sides.
alliance is much more important, but tends to be lost in the crossfire.

wow, though, it's rare to see any positive inclusions of feminism on WP. you guys are alright

In short, no one likes boastful people.

Lovely thought, but demonstrably inaccurate in the face of the wave of support for authoritarians and the spread of PUA attitudes.

No one likes boastful people whom they consider inferior.

If I felt they had alterior motives then I might not react that way...but if someones just giving a genuine compliment I see no reason to be rude to them.

Feminism is not inherently negative. I mean, we can debate our differences at different time/place, but I can always get behind something that is helpful and empowering to women and NOT a man-hating echo chamber. What's unfortunate for feminism is MUCH of the dialogue out there that anyone ever hears about is precisely that: Men are scum, women have the right to murder their babies if they want to.

Do you ever hear about feminists who actually DISAGREE, for instance, with the right of a woman to an abortion? Or those who AGREE that it's perfectly ok for women to keep house for their husbands and homeschool their kids if they want to? Or that anything resembling patriarchy can ever be empowering for women? I ask because those are views that are within the realm of possibility--it's just you rarely actually hear those kinds of views, whether it's the attention-getting of the rabid radicals out there or whether it's media-driven. You can't possibly have so much as the tiniest intellectual spark in so much as a single brain cell if you're more the milk the cows and knit sweaters by the fire type who actually ENJOYS it. That's where all the reactionary semi-misogynist hostility comes from on WP. I contend that "feminism" as a term is really outdated and irrelevant.

And I think that way because rabid man-hating flies in the face of egalitarianism--thus consistent egalitarian feminism is too weak for those women to identify with it. But if feminism is defined by the man-haters, consistent egalitarian women wouldn't want to identify with it either. So I think "feminism" has largely run its course and is being replaced by something else--not "dead," just evolved. I see that as a good thing.

I think it matters who gives them.

Also how the person receiving the compliment feels about the giver, regardless of gender or sexual preference.

I like to tell girls that the blouse they are wearing is smashing and I've only ever had positive reactions.

That blouse is smashing though, doll.

Or there is men aren't scum but women should still have the right to abortion. I agree with putting a time limit on how long a person can wait to get an abortion to ensure 'babies' aren't murdered, the vast majority of 'abortions' take place before the clump of cells even reaches the fetal stage. Also most states certainly have laws preventing late term abortions outside of medical emergencies like where its the mother or the baby and maybe the mother chooses to keep her life instead of dying to save the baby.

I mean people don't like the loaded language of feminists implying most men are scum but we should continue calling abortion 'baby murder' which is also extremely loaded language? Baby murder is in olden times when a baby who was born but seemed very weak, ill or was deformed was just left out in the wilderness to die. Or more recent cases of parents killing their children...like drowning them in the bathtub or things like that.

I can't speak for every woman but if I was having sex and the condom broke and me and my boyfriend noticed, I'd get a morning after pill. If it wasn't so obvious the condom had failed and we missed the window of time for the morning after pill then yeah I'd schedule an abortion asap. So chances are it would occur before the fertilized egg becomes a fetus. If people want to prevent 'baby murder' then they should want to ensure women have access to birth control, morning after pills and safe access to abortions and encouragement to get it done asap. Not try and give women second thoughts so they draw it out even longer allowing more development to take place.

If a compliment is perceived as an actual compliment, the proper response in western society is "Thank you" because giving a compliment is analogous to giving a gift.

Concerning what it and isn't an appropriate compliment....it would be inappropriate to give a woman you aren't romantically involved something sexual as a gift, and so it's also inappropriate to give sexually explicit or implicit compliments.

Feminism was and is about female empowerment. It's female oriented. Most if not all the goals were meet. It's outdated as you said. It's time for a humanism or egalitarianism. Many groups and organizations changed names as their goals change or faded as their goals were met. Feminism has gotten equality for women, so now it aims for women to be in control and superior to men. The whole idea of eye for eye. You see this with race as well, some black people feel whites should be treated as slaves or sub class to make up for the past when they were. But that's a repeating cycle. Then the new repressed will want the same. I'm anti feminism, but not anti equality or women's rights. I oppose all injustice. I don't expect a female oriented organization to support male rights any,ore then the mra would support women's rights. I mean feminism makes mountains out of mole hills. They seek conspiracy where there is none. One said everything is sexist.

The stuff I see on a daily basis from feminism on Facebook, news sites, and forums puts Alex Jones to shame. It is ironic they claim women aren't a hive mind but then suggests there's s giant conspiracy run by all the men in the planet to suppress women but the littlest thing such as turing and ac on.

That said if any politician actually does try to launch a war on women and make women into kitchen slaves again, I'll be right there fighting against them.

I'm not opposed to access, but I don't think abortion should be used in place of birth control like many do. Having abortion after abortion after abortion. Which is quite harmful and even life threatening to the woman.

Personally if I had a gf(funny I know ) and she got an abortion of our child, the relationship would be over and I'd want nothing to do with her again. Abortion is a tough issues for me.

Perhaps, I believe feminist who believe in fighting for equality for all should stop calling themselves feminist and instead call themselves humanist or equalitarian. Feminism is about female empowerment. It's why those other groups exist. I don't get how feminist can say they support equality for all and oppose those organizations. That said I have no problem dealing with "feminist" who are non aggressive and extreme like mainstream feminism is. That said I avoid women on dating sites that make sure to mention their feminist, the need to identify it points out their more towards the extreme. Other comments on their profiles also support that. I don't want to be with someone who hates me for being a man and sees me as a enemy they put up with as long as I coward to their views. Seems rather unhealthy relationship. I not a men's rights person either, while they are a needed counter to feminism, I don't wish to be in a group that main goal is supporting only one groups rights. I'd rather support all people's equality and rights. Neither gender is treated right really.

So i dont know I'd hope we'd get along , but that's up to you. I don't think my view is unreasonable. We're all humans who deserve equality and respect. Well except me as I'm sub human.

I just don't think that many people use it 'in place of birth control' sure I have heard some people say that but I've never heard anyone talk about abortion super casual like something you go do all the time. I've heard people who don't want kids say they won't hesitate to get one asap. I agree it should not be in place of birth control but I am not convinced that is how most women use it. I mean how many women actually refuse to use birth control and get abortion after abortion, and how much is propaganda using the worst case examples to generalize? I mean if women do, do that then I think that should be addressed somehow as that is just irresponsible. But I just am not sure how widespread it is...Id think most would want to get it over with and not have a repeat of it.

As for the rest I'd say that is why it is best to get in relationships with people on the same page, neither me or my boyfriend want kids so we'd opt to abort the pregnancy. Of course it is a much more difficult issue if one party wants a child and the other doesn't, but I say it is important to discuss that beforehand and determine if you're on the same page or not.

I said many. Even 1% is like 1.5 million give or take. So if say 25% of women did that's a lot. I've meet some and seen others online who have sex no condoms or birth control and just get another abortion if they get pregnant.

Have you looked into that thing they implant . Prevents pregnancy for like 7-10 years I think, or there's more permanent options. I'd rather just use condoms and birth control. I don't know if I want kids anymore, I'm not opposed to it if it happen, I'd roll with the punches of raising a child. I doubt any woman who actually wants kids will ever date me given my worthless ness. So it's quite likely in the unlikely situation I got a gf, any pregnancy would be unplanned.

WP ladies, don't you really really find it weird that a good looking woman like the author only posted two chat screenshots as the "result of her experiment"?

She can certainly have far more chats than two in 20 mins on tinder or so.

This lady should try harder to convince us. The tiny number of screenshots (2!) is a proof that she is being so non-genuine.

I feel like unsolicited compliments would always be misinterpreted so there is point in me ever doing it, I agree that it comes down to who is actually giving the compliment because if she finds you creepy or beneath her for whatever reason then I can only imagine the response would be negative. There's always an ulterior motive when guys compliment women, maybe it's different if you actually know the person decently but to compliment someone when you don't compliment anyone on the regular is indicative of something else. I just don't bother talking to people, I just assume they all hate me and the last thing they'd want is for me to approach them.

if a feminist is not also egalitarian they wouldn't fit into my feminism at least. but maybe you're right about the label having run its course. i have a hard time with change lol.
i also have resentment about unquestionably giving misandrist "feminists" this term which holds so much significance; all the hard work women have put into it, and what gave us the right to speak our minds in the first place.
there is absolutely a disparity between feminist and "feminist", anti-feminist and "anti-feminist". there is also then the disparity between feminism in the west and outside of western contexts, which makes it even harder to navigate.
i don't even care much for labels, but they are a useful tool and this label in particular has an important history and continued need, especially elsewhere in the world. whatever label needs to be used for the betterment gender equality in western contexts nowadays i would eventually be willing to secede into, but it would hurt. the problem with labels i guess, is that they are unregulated.

i haven't heard of feminists being against choice but choice is the key word. i have heard many feminists, including myself, advocate for women to choose what they want in their lives, whether that is being a stay at home wife or working, having children or not. the thing about abortion and choice is pro-choice means that if a woman has moral or whatever else problem with abortion, she is free to have those ideas and not get an abortion. but perhaps she supports other women getting an abortion if they don't share her same views. also you may be interested to know that when predominantly white women in the US were fighting for their reproductive rights, including the right to have abortions, many nonwhite women in the US were fighting for their right to not be forcibly, or coercively, sterilized. not a lot of people are aware of that.
http://www.albany.edu/celac/LRR%202010.pdf
the essay begins on pg. 85.

there is a concern i have with pro-life arguments..they say if the woman's life is at risk with the pregnancy or if she was raped, it's okay for her to have an abortion. but who gets to decide if a woman has really been raped or not? the court system? because rape cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute due to the nature of the crime. so then, if the case was not able to be proven, or if she was not able to bring it to court in the first place, does she then have to go through with the pregnancy, with her rapist out there, knowing she tried to put him in jail? sounds f****d up and dangerous. or what if the time it took to prove her case took longer than the window of time in which she could get an abortion? and then, lets say a woman could just be believed at the clinic if she says she was raped. then women would also be lying about being raped (although to no impact on the rapist or not-rapist) and murdering babies.