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Boxman108
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06 Sep 2017, 12:32 am

Need anymore salt?


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hurtloam
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06 Sep 2017, 1:13 am

BirdinFlight is right. Truth can change. I like her key lime pie example. Sometimes you're the muffin. That's all.

Aspiesclike black and white reasoning. But things aren't either a truth or a lie all the time.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Sep 2017, 1:21 am

I am the Muffin Man.



Closet Genious
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06 Sep 2017, 2:24 am

I agree that he shouldn't investigate, he should simply move on by now.

But I don't buy this idea of telling white lies to spare people's feelings, I think it's just because alot of women are too afraid of conflict to tell the truth. But somestimes you in life you have to do things you are afraid of to be a good person. Sparing people's feelings by telling white lies does not make you a good person.

This truth can change concept sounds very self serving to me, but I aknowledge that truth can change. But if you feel the truth changing, you should probably tell people sooner rather than later.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Sep 2017, 2:29 am

The "truth can change" concept sounds like something very useful for politicians.



Chichikov
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06 Sep 2017, 2:49 am

Closet Genious wrote:
I agree that he shouldn't investigate, he should simply move on by now.

But I don't buy this idea of telling white lies to spare people's feelings, I think it's just because alot of women are too afraid of conflict to tell the truth. But somestimes you in life you have to do things you are afraid of to be a good person. Sparing people's feelings by telling white lies does not make you a good person.

This truth can change concept sounds very self serving to me, but I aknowledge that truth can change. But if you feel the truth changing, you should probably tell people sooner rather than later.

It doesn't matter what you think people should do, if you want to live in the real world with NTs you have to learn what they do and accept it. Letting people down with "white lies" is common and generally considered a good thing.

Let's just cut the crap here for a moment and get down to some harsh truths. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. If this girl had told the truth the thread would be about how *that* was bad. There are people on here that are bitter and want to gain some kind of moral high ground over women. They want to try and turn rejections into scenarios that make them a good guy and the girl a bad person, all fuelling that bitterness. It really is an exceptionally ugly trait.

As for her avoiding confrontation, she probably is, and why do you think that is? How do you think the kind of people who think a girl is a bad person for not wanting to go out with them are going to react to honesty?

"Why? What's wrong with me? I can change anything. I'll treat you like a princess, I'll do anything for you. Please, please give me a chance"

You think she wants that? Or even worse she could just get downright abuse for the rejection. That's why women have learned to the less confrontational white lie approach; it's better for everyone.

But bitter nasty people will always be bitter nasty people.



Closet Genious
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06 Sep 2017, 3:33 am

Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I agree that he shouldn't investigate, he should simply move on by now.

But I don't buy this idea of telling white lies to spare people's feelings, I think it's just because alot of women are too afraid of conflict to tell the truth. But somestimes you in life you have to do things you are afraid of to be a good person. Sparing people's feelings by telling white lies does not make you a good person.

This truth can change concept sounds very self serving to me, but I aknowledge that truth can change. But if you feel the truth changing, you should probably tell people sooner rather than later.

It doesn't matter what you think people should do, if you want to live in the real world with NTs you have to learn what they do and accept it. Letting people down with "white lies" is common and generally considered a good thing.

Let's just cut the crap here for a moment and get down to some harsh truths. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. If this girl had told the truth the thread would be about how *that* was bad. There are people on here that are bitter and want to gain some kind of moral high ground over women. They want to try and turn rejections into scenarios that make them a good guy and the girl a bad person, all fuelling that bitterness. It really is an exceptionally ugly trait.

As for her avoiding confrontation, she probably is, and why do you think that is? How do you think the kind of people who think a girl is a bad person for not wanting to go out with them are going to react to honesty?

"Why? What's wrong with me? I can change anything. I'll treat you like a princess, I'll do anything for you. Please, please give me a chance"

You think she wants that? Or even worse she could just get downright abuse for the rejection. That's why women have learned to the less confrontational white lie approach; it's better for everyone.

But bitter nasty people will always be bitter nasty people.


I disagree with you strongly, it's NOT better for everyone.

I handle rejection very well, I have not EVER made a scene out of being rejected. White lies on the other hand, annoy me, because I can usually see right through them. Whether it's because they assume I am too weak to handle the truth, or they themselves are too weak to tell it, both are insulting. It's not like I would make a scene out of that either, but I still find lying an exceptionally ugly trait.

Let's cut the crap here for a moment, just because something is generally considered a good thing, does not mean it is.



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06 Sep 2017, 3:44 am

Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I agree that he shouldn't investigate, he should simply move on by now.

But I don't buy this idea of telling white lies to spare people's feelings, I think it's just because alot of women are too afraid of conflict to tell the truth. But somestimes you in life you have to do things you are afraid of to be a good person. Sparing people's feelings by telling white lies does not make you a good person.

This truth can change concept sounds very self serving to me, but I aknowledge that truth can change. But if you feel the truth changing, you should probably tell people sooner rather than later.

It doesn't matter what you think people should do, if you want to live in the real world with NTs you have to learn what they do and accept it. Letting people down with "white lies" is common and generally considered a good thing.

Let's just cut the crap here for a moment and get down to some harsh truths. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. If this girl had told the truth the thread would be about how *that* was bad. There are people on here that are bitter and want to gain some kind of moral high ground over women. They want to try and turn rejections into scenarios that make them a good guy and the girl a bad person, all fuelling that bitterness. It really is an exceptionally ugly trait.

As for her avoiding confrontation, she probably is, and why do you think that is? How do you think the kind of people who think a girl is a bad person for not wanting to go out with them are going to react to honesty?

"Why? What's wrong with me? I can change anything. I'll treat you like a princess, I'll do anything for you. Please, please give me a chance"

You think she wants that? Or even worse she could just get downright abuse for the rejection. That's why women have learned to the less confrontational white lie approach; it's better for everyone.

But bitter nasty people will always be bitter nasty people.


That's quite astute. Yeah that's how women feel. Not that anyone asks me out, but it seems they are scared of the reaction they are going to get and prefer a soft white lie.

White lies are very frustrating for aspies, but we do have to accept that this is the reality of how people communicate.

I must confess. White lies really irritated me when I was younger, but now I realise that people are complex and it doesn't make me angry now.



Chichikov
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06 Sep 2017, 3:58 am

Closet Genious wrote:

I disagree with you strongly, it's NOT better for everyone.

I handle rejection very well, I have not EVER made a scene out of being rejected. White lies on the other hand, annoy me, because I can usually see right through them. Whether it's because they assume I am too weak to handle the truth, or they themselves are too weak to tell it, both are insulting. It's not like I would make a scene out of that either, but I still find lying an exceptionally ugly trait.

Let's cut the crap here for a moment, just because something is generally considered a good thing, does not mean it is.


That's just proof by example fallacy. Surely you can see the fact that everyone should act a particular way because it's what you prefer even when the majority don't is not a valid argument?

You might be able to handle rejection and prefer honesty (or you self report anyway), but how is the woman to know that? And what about the majority that *are* hurt by the truth / rejection? The gentle let down is still the path of least resistance, and it's still the reality so you just need to deal with it.



hurtloam
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06 Sep 2017, 4:12 am

Double post



Closet Genious
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06 Sep 2017, 4:16 am

Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:

I disagree with you strongly, it's NOT better for everyone.

I handle rejection very well, I have not EVER made a scene out of being rejected. White lies on the other hand, annoy me, because I can usually see right through them. Whether it's because they assume I am too weak to handle the truth, or they themselves are too weak to tell it, both are insulting. It's not like I would make a scene out of that either, but I still find lying an exceptionally ugly trait.

Let's cut the crap here for a moment, just because something is generally considered a good thing, does not mean it is.


That's just proof by example fallacy. Surely you can see the fact that everyone should act a particular way because it's what you prefer even when the majority don't is not a valid argument?

You might be able to handle rejection and prefer honesty (or you self report anyway), but how is the woman to know that? And what about the majority that *are* hurt by the truth / rejection? The gentle let down is still the path of least resistance, and it's still the reality so you just need to deal with it.


I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

I do deal with it(when I am dating that is), I don't really have a choice anyway, I can't change how most people communicate. The only point I wanted to make, is that taking the path of least resistance does not necessarily make you a good person. Alot of people seem to kid themselves into thinking they do this for others sake, and that's where I call BS. They're doing it for their own sake, let's be real here.



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06 Sep 2017, 4:27 am

Closet Genious wrote:
I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

"better for everyone" is a figure of speech.



Closet Genious
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06 Sep 2017, 4:35 am

Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

"better for everyone" is a figure of speech.


How convenient.



Chichikov
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06 Sep 2017, 5:03 am

Closet Genious wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

"better for everyone" is a figure of speech.


How convenient.

If every time someone uses the word "everyone" you take that to mean literally every person in the world then that's something for you to work on, it's not a criticism of me.

"Did you see x factor? Everyone is talking about it"
"Actually my uncle in Nairobi is in hospital with malaria and he's not talking about it"
"It's a figure of speech"
"How convenient"



Closet Genious
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06 Sep 2017, 5:21 am

Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

"better for everyone" is a figure of speech.


How convenient.

If every time someone uses the word "everyone" you take that to mean literally every person in the world then that's something for you to work on, it's not a criticism of me.

"Did you see x factor? Everyone is talking about it"
"Actually my uncle in Nairobi is in hospital with malaria and he's not talking about it"
"It's a figure of speech"
"How convenient"


Thanks for the lesson, but that is a completely different context. Stupid comparison really.



Chichikov
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06 Sep 2017, 5:56 am

Closet Genious wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I can see that, but that wasn't my arguement. You said it is better for EVERYONE, and I disagreed with that. Even if I only represent 1-2% of the population, it still isn't better for everyone.

"better for everyone" is a figure of speech.


How convenient.

If every time someone uses the word "everyone" you take that to mean literally every person in the world then that's something for you to work on, it's not a criticism of me.

"Did you see x factor? Everyone is talking about it"
"Actually my uncle in Nairobi is in hospital with malaria and he's not talking about it"
"It's a figure of speech"
"How convenient"


Thanks for the lesson, but that is a completely different context. Stupid comparison really.

Doesn't matter it's a different context, the term "everyone" is rarely intended to be literal, especially when it's unconstrained. It's for you to work out when that is and when it isn't though, so work on that.