Should I cut ties with this person?

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DW_a_mom
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05 Mar 2018, 9:02 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Life space is the tough thing about young love. Neither of you are fully in control of your free time and living situations, and neither of you will be for quite a long time. That means that relationships are subject to a lot restraints coming from outside the two of you as a couple, and that can make really being a couple impossible. I have many fond memories of men I connected to or even loved but wasn't in the right life space for. Recognizing reality can be very bittersweet. I wasn't able to stay in touch with most so I guess I will never know what might have been. Since I'm happily married I hope they are, too.
I get where you're coming from, but look at it from the other angle. "Young love" is the best kind of love. Your body is in tip-top shape. You're still bright-eyes and bushy-tailed, ready to take on the world headstrong. Your hopes haven't been dashed. Your dreams haven't been shattered. Your soul hasn't been jaded. It's just you, your boyfriend/girlfriend, and the unexplored world. From an evolutionary point of view, humans were meant to achieve independence from their parents right at puberty: age 12 or so. In which case, everybody once had a real shot at young love. Sadly, that's not true today: parents, society, and civilization are all taking it away from most teens. At least those capable of finding it. Just like the OP, who's going to lose out on what could be a life-changing positive experience.

Sadly, I never go to experience young love. Even my first relationship, freshman year of college, was so fraught with hassle and frustration, that it hardly passes for "young love". It soured me on pretty much all relationships ever since. I went from viewing them as something beautiful and fun, to a glorified escort service. (And later, I started seeing real escorts.) The closest I came to young love was during a brief encounter with a girl I once met on a cruise: I was 29, she was 23. By then, I already lost a tooth and started losing hair, but the feeling was eerily similar. (I lost another tooth and 15% of my hair since then. :()


It is unfortunate, yes. Personally, I don't understand parents who say their children can't date. Why not allow them to date but with age/maturity/life-space appropriate parameters? You never know when someone is going to meet the person they are meant to be with. Trying to cut that off for your children doesn't strike me as necessary. Most teens will break up organically. But very so often they actually are meant to be. I find that adorable.

It wasn't me, either, but I had better luck in my mid-thirties ;)

I am sorry this whole area of life has been negative for you. I hope that changes someday. You don't have to end up with someone, or even date if you don't want to ... it would just be good for you to have positive experiences and perceptions.


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Aspie1
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06 Mar 2018, 12:00 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
It wasn't me, either, but I had better luck in my mid-thirties ;)

I am sorry this whole area of life has been negative for you. I hope that changes someday. You don't have to end up with someone, or even date if you don't want to ... it would just be good for you to have positive experiences and perceptions.
Well, I'm in my mid 30's. So I think it's too late for "positive experiences" now. Because in your 30's, relationships are nothing but a tedious laundry list of obligations and prohibitions. Like being a child again, living under your parents' roof. Any fun you do have, it's the wholesome, "churchy" fun, like antiquing and pretentious dinners with other couples. Not the quirky, goofy fun you have in your 20's, like sipping vodka-laced Slurpees and dancing on the sidewalk to any music you hear.



DW_a_mom
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07 Mar 2018, 7:53 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
It wasn't me, either, but I had better luck in my mid-thirties ;)

I am sorry this whole area of life has been negative for you. I hope that changes someday. You don't have to end up with someone, or even date if you don't want to ... it would just be good for you to have positive experiences and perceptions.
Well, I'm in my mid 30's. So I think it's too late for "positive experiences" now. Because in your 30's, relationships are nothing but a tedious laundry list of obligations and prohibitions. Like being a child again, living under your parents' roof. Any fun you do have, it's the wholesome, "churchy" fun, like antiquing and pretentious dinners with other couples. Not the quirky, goofy fun you have in your 20's, like sipping vodka-laced Slurpees and dancing on the sidewalk to any music you hear.


Depends on the people involved, although as a broad generalization you aren't completely wrong.

I still wish it for you, something positive. In whatever way would work best for you. Because I'm kind of like that, wanting people to have positive life experiences instead of bad ones.


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Chronos
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07 Mar 2018, 8:58 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Life space is the tough thing about young love. Neither of you are fully in control of your free time and living situations, and neither of you will be for quite a long time. That means that relationships are subject to a lot restraints coming from outside the two of you as a couple, and that can make really being a couple impossible. I have many fond memories of men I connected to or even loved but wasn't in the right life space for. Recognizing reality can be very bittersweet. I wasn't able to stay in touch with most so I guess I will never know what might have been. Since I'm happily married I hope they are, too.
I get where you're coming from, but look at it from the other angle. "Young love" is the best kind of love. Your body is in tip-top shape. You're still bright-eyes and bushy-tailed, ready to take on the world headstrong. Your hopes haven't been dashed. Your dreams haven't been shattered. Your soul hasn't been jaded. It's just you, your boyfriend/girlfriend, and the unexplored world. From an evolutionary point of view, humans were meant to achieve independence from their parents right at puberty: age 12 or so. In which case, everybody once had a real shot at young love. Sadly, that's not true today: parents, society, and civilization are all taking it away from most teens. At least those capable of finding it. Just like the OP, who's going to lose out on what could be a life-changing positive experience.

Sadly, I never go to experience young love. Even my first relationship, freshman year of college, was so fraught with hassle and frustration, that it hardly passes for "young love". It soured me on pretty much all relationships ever since. I went from viewing them as something beautiful and fun, to a glorified escort service. (And later, I started seeing real escorts.) The closest I came to young love was during a brief encounter with a girl I once met on a cruise: I was 29, she was 23. By then, I already lost a tooth and started losing hair, but the feeling was eerily similar. (I lost another tooth and 15% of my hair since then. :()


It is unfortunate, yes. Personally, I don't understand parents who say their children can't date. Why not allow them to date but with age/maturity/life-space appropriate parameters? You never know when someone is going to meet the person they are meant to be with. Trying to cut that off for your children doesn't strike me as necessary. Most teens will break up organically. But very so often they actually are meant to be. I find that adorable.

It wasn't me, either, but I had better luck in my mid-thirties ;)

I am sorry this whole area of life has been negative for you. I hope that changes someday. You don't have to end up with someone, or even date if you don't want to ... it would just be good for you to have positive experiences and perceptions.


My sister had a group of friends when she was 16 and the only one who wasn't allowed to date was the one who managed to get pregnant. It was a girl from a conservative christian family.



magicrabbit
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06 May 2018, 12:11 am

You found someone you care about and who feels the same way back. That doesn't come along every day. I would not give up on it unless there was a specific other girl that you were psoitive you liked more and who liked you back. If Jenny is worth anything to you then fight for her. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.



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06 May 2018, 9:17 am

It seems as though Jenny and I are through. She hasn't texted me since early February, and I kept messaging her until early April.

Honestly, I'm not too upset about it. I'm happy that I can move forward and meet new people without having to maintain a pseudo-relationship with someone over the phone. When I look back on this, I don't think I'll think of it as my first relationship.


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magicrabbit
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06 May 2018, 9:36 am

Ok well more power to you. No point in texting someone who doesn't answer. I hope you wind up finding someone you really like and it works out with.



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06 May 2018, 9:44 am

magicrabbit wrote:
Ok well more power to you. No point in texting someone who doesn't answer. I hope you wind up finding someone you really like and it works out with.
Yeah it seems like the OP is being ghosted & is better off moving on at this point


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07 May 2018, 5:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I agree.

It was very common for freshman girls to date senior guys when I was growing up. It wasn't frowned upon at all. It was considered "normal."

When I was a senior, I dated a sophomore.

This is because girls mature faster than boys. Many freshman boys are still kids. It would be "perverted" for a fully-developed 14-year-old girl to go out with a 14-year-old boy who still really looks like a kid. I looked like a kid when I was 14.


To be honest, I think it’s more the girls are flattered by an older guy being interested in them. It’s normal during adult years, but at school, that’s a massive age gap. Anyone dating someone even a year older than them was seen as “probably cool”.



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12 May 2018, 6:41 pm

Just remember to keep communications open. You gotta talk talk and talk some more. Long distance relationships aren't easy but they are workable. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and since I moved we haven't seen each other in almost a year despite him also having left NY as well. Things go well for the time being, and as long as you keep the lines of communication open then you're good to go. Skype often, or whenever you get a chance, pictures and the like, sometimes you just gotta be creative at the end of the day (: