Mental horror

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goldfish21
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07 Jun 2018, 3:38 pm

Peacesells wrote:

Unless the times in the original post where he couldn't have sex were because he found her too unattractive, the guy did absolutely nothing wrong and OP has no reason to be offended. You guys are crazy, relationships are made of compromises too. It can be that he liked her and he didn't mind if she wasn't super attractive.
For example if I love a girl with suicidal tendencies, it doesn't mean that I have to find her suicidal tendencies attractive or I am a liar bastard c**t nazi who should be shot in the head, burned to ashes and have the ashes thrown in a sewer.

Yeah.. but physical sexual attraction is a BIG ONE and it's assumed that people who are dating are attracted to one another in that way unless they're both asexual or something, so it's understandable that the OP would be offended by the way this played out.

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Peacesells
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07 Jun 2018, 3:42 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

Maybe you are too much about sexual attraction, or at least compared to people like me, which is ok. But I too don't need to find my partner super attractive.

goldfish21
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07 Jun 2018, 3:44 pm

Peacesells wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

Maybe you are too much about sexual attraction, or at least compared to people like me, which is ok. But I too don't need to find my partner super attractive.

MOST people need to be sexually attracted to their partner for a romantic relationship to exist between them.

For myself, my "short term relationships," are 100% about sexual attraction, so of COURSE I'm all about sexual attraction. I'm not going to date anyone or have any sort of relationship beyond FWB ever, so yeah, sexual attraction is of Utmost Importance for me.

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Luhluhluh
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07 Jun 2018, 3:46 pm

Peacesells wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

Maybe you are too much about sexual attraction, or at least compared to people like me, which is ok. But I too don't need to find my partner super attractive.

Well given that this guy stated that her weight bothered him and that he was having difficulty performing I'm thinking that it did matter to him just a little.

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Peacesells
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07 Jun 2018, 4:07 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

MOST people need to be sexually attracted to their partner for a romantic relationship to exist between them.for me.

Yes, but generally sexual attraction it's not a on/off switch, there can be a spectrum of attractiveness. So maybe he didn't like her extra weight much, but at the same time she was attractive enough for him.

Luhluhluh wrote:

Well given that this guy stated that her weight bothered him and that he was having difficulty performing I'm thinking that it did matter to him just a little.

Well it's ok not to like 100% everything about your partner, as I stated above. And we don't know if his difficulties while performing were because of that, OP didn't speficy I think. There can be a hundred reasons for that, and keep in mind that it seems that this guy was VERY inexperienced, so maybe it was not easy for him. Maybe you are lucky but you should know that guys are not all stallions and sex machines (not saying that I am not one, just talking in general!)

ConcernedNtHusband
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08 Jun 2018, 9:44 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

It's possible to be overweight and healthy. She didn't say obese.

I am about 30 lbs overweight, but I eat healthier than anyone I know and I exercise regularly. It's just been hard to get rid of that little bit of padding, because I live on a budget and eating healthy is expensive. But I have no chronic health conditions related to weight, my cardiovascular system is very healthy and I am active (I bike and walk everywhere I go.)

Don't be so judgmental. You don't know what someone else's health situation is based on their weight.

No, it is not possible to be overweight and healthy. The two are mutually-exclusive. Being obese is the extreme of overweight. It's called "overweight" for a reason, because it is out of the range of normal weight/BMI for the age/sex/height of a person. As stated: being overweight is laying the foundation later on for health problems. Those issues might not be presenting currently, but unless the excess weight is shed, they will almost invariably lead to problems. And I do know what someone's health situation is based on their weight, because if they're overweight, their health is compromised, period.

Eating healthy is not expensive. There are plenty of healthy diets that can be adhered to that will accommodate anyone's budget. You're making excuses.

kraftiekortie
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08 Jun 2018, 10:38 am

There are healthy people out there who are naturally overweight.

It's preferable to be the "desired" BMI or whatever----but it's not a black and white situation.

You have normal-weight people who aren't healthy as well.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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08 Jun 2018, 2:28 pm

ConcernedNtHusband wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

You know what, f**k you too pal. You do not know my health concerns better than my doctor does. f**k right off with this judgemental BS. I will listen to my doctor's advice and not some random a**hole on the internet.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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08 Jun 2018, 2:37 pm

And just for you a**holes who think I am putting my life at risk carrying these few pounds of extra padding around: the first time I was hospitalized for my auto immune disease (before they knew that's what was wrong with me) because my inflammation got so bad in my gut that my body stopped being able to process food for so long they had to consider feeding me intravenously directly into my heart, which is very dangerous but would have been necessary if they couldn't stem the inflammation in my gut (luckily they did before it got quite that bad, but it was close), my body basically lived off the extra fat and muscle stores in my limbs for two weeks. If I hadn't had that extra tissue stored up, my body might have attacked my heart muscle tissue or other organs in it's desperate attempt to keep me from starving. That extra tissue kept me alive for 2 weeks. By the time I left the hospital (an 11 day stay) I had lost almost 20 lbs. My body went through a crazy amount of strain, and if I weren't so healthy otherwise (cardiovascularly, for example) it would have taken much longer to bounce back from that near starvation.

So take all your judgement about how unhealthy it is for me to be carrying around a few extra pounds and shove it up your know-it-all asses.

goldfish21
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08 Jun 2018, 3:27 pm

No one said 30 extra pounds was morbidly obese, only that it’s not without negative health implications.

There’s no need for personal attacks or insults that are not only against the forum rules, but just plain rude & disrespectful. They have no place in civil dialogue about anything.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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08 Jun 2018, 3:39 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

You don't know my health better than my doctor does. If he tells me I need to lose the weight because it is negatively impacting my health then I will listen. Interestingly, he also appreciates that my body had something to keep it going when I was hospitalized and thinks the efforts I am making to stay healthy by eating well and exercising regularly are sufficient. I'm not going to listen to judgmental internet randos who don't know anything about medicine but seem to enjoy telling strange women they don't know anything about to lose weight. Like I said, f**k off know-it-all, you're not a doctor and certainly not MY doctor.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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08 Jun 2018, 3:52 pm

A Case for Those Extra 10 Pounds

Being A Little Heavy May Have Some Benefits

It depends where you carry the weight, as well. I have an hourglass shape, and tend to carry my extra weight on my hips and thighs and my upper arms and shoulders. I have a trim and pretty flat waist (that I keep that way with cardio exercise as well as sit-ups.) These are some of the reasons why my doctor is not concerned about the little extra weight I'm carrying. Also, part of my treatment in hospital for my autoimmune disease was intravenous steroids, which I had to continue afterwards in pill form and slowly taper off of because of how powerfully they effect things like one's metabolism. So some of the weight I've put on since getting out of the hospital is because of how the steroids have effected my metabolism. It's not so black and white as "all extra weight is bad and is easy to lose if you just take in fewer calories"--nutrition is complicated, and health issues like autoimmune diseases and the medications that go along with that can make it more so.

When it comes to where my weight should be and how I should deal with that and what to do about it, I am going to listen to my doctor's advice. You two are not my doctors, so stop talking to me like you know better than he does.

goldfish21
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08 Jun 2018, 5:00 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

Did I make that claim? No.

Just because I’ve made it known that I don’t report posts for rude insults, or any reason, does not mean that you have free reign to insult me like this. Grow up.

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Last edited by goldfish21 on 08 Jun 2018, 6:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Raleigh
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08 Jun 2018, 5:12 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Don't worry about him. People come and go. He might feel sad for a bit, but if he wasn't truly attracted to you he's not going to dwell on this forever. He'll get over it and move on with his life. At least he learned that he needs physical attraction, too, not just mental.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ConcernedNtHusband wrote:

Confused4 wrote:

I’m overweight but healthy and generally feel attractive.

If you're overweight you are not healthy. Pet peeve of mine. Overweight is the precursor for many health issues to come and you're racking up debt that you're going to pay later on down the road. You've already seen the fallout from being overweight with this scenario that played out, why not stop being lazy and do something about your weight? Your body will thank you and instead of "generally feel attractive" you'll feel attractive all the time, and you'll feel a hell of a lot better, too.

It's possible to be overweight and healthy. She didn't say obese.

I am about 30 lbs overweight, but I eat healthier than anyone I know and I exercise regularly. It's just been hard to get rid of that little bit of padding, because I live on a budget and eating healthy is expensive. But I have no chronic health conditions related to weight, my cardiovascular system is very healthy and I am active (I bike and walk everywhere I go.)

Don't be so judgmental. You don't know what someone else's health situation is based on their weight.

Food budget excuses for eating poorly are exactly that, excuses. If one has a limited budget to spend on food (and most all of us do, myself included) then that means one cannot afford to waste Any money on foods that are unhealthy or not nutritious. On limited funds, it's even more critical that people optimize their nutrition for every dollar spent - and it's entirely doable with very simple planning. I speak from experience.

It's always sad to see obese people with very limited funds spending their grocery dollars on foods that make them even more unhealthy vs. ones that would improve their health. So wasteful & self sabotaging. To suggest that the reason they buy and eat nothing but empty carbohydrates is because they can't afford healthy food is absurd. IMO, they can't afford to waste even $1 of their limited food budget on unhealthy foods, but it seems Pareto's law prevails and the lion's share of their grocery bill is spent on crap vs. foods that nourish & heal.

Interesting.

Maybe you should start a thread on how to eat healthy on a very limited budget in great detail.
That would be helpful to many people here.

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