SERIOUS help with online dating... PLEASE!! !
Another thing that bugs me is the number of women I encounter who are "just looking", "want a serious commitment", "not interested in hooking up", etc. Yet from all the success stories I hear and read about, men make it sound like most women online are just looking for sex. Sooo... where are these women, exactly? I'm not trying to imply that I'm only interested in hooking up, I'm just trying to make a point about how while I've experienced nothing but impenetrable walls from extremely picky women, other dudes seem to have no problem hooking up at all.
Does it happen from stating your preferences about level of commitment? What if you simply say "I'm keeping an open mind"? Which is what I'm planning to say and is the truth. I just want to keep an open mind and not categorize from square one plus the honest thing really is that I don't know from the very outset if it's a one time thing or going to become a marriage.
About detecting awkwardness from messaging I think that can happen if your perceived meaning & perceived tone change a lot or are all over the place. Like if you're changing conversation style or just come across really inconsistent.[/quote]
I've actually gone out of my way over the last couple years NOT to state my commitment level, just to see if I can appeal to a wider demographic. Hasn't made a difference though- more often than not, the conversation doesn't last long enough to get to that, or it just doesn't change anything. It's not like most women are telling me "sorry, not looking for that"; the conversation just ends.
I also hate the stupid contradictory profile descriptions, like "Looking for serious relationship/commitment/long-term", coupled with "just looking for friends/casual" lower down, and then "seeking marriage and children" further down from that. What the hell am I supposed to work with here? Are they just screwing around with people? And "just ask me anything, I'm open", and then you ask, and they say "why all the questions?" No joke, this actually happened. Who's meeting and/or dating/hooking up with these lunatics? I really want to believe all these online success stories from guys claiming they hook up with a new person every week and how it's so easy is just talk, but why would anonymous posters online lie about these things? What do they gain from that? It's not like anyone knows who they are. Are they just trolling frustrated people to get them more irritated?
And no, my tone doesn't change as far as I know. I didn't mean I've tried all those styles in the same conversation with the same person. I've changed it up with different people to see if it makes a difference. I've been totally myself, and I've also mimicked other men's conversation patterns. Nothing. I once tried the super aggressive tactic to see whether you need to be a jerk to attract women. Nope, the girl just got annoyed that I was being impatient and needy instead of giving her more time to respond (her responses were mostly just one or two words). Of course, when I give women time, they disappear, I guess because I'm too boring and respectful and "don't know what I want" and how to get it. See the problem here?
RetroGamer87
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1.They're not who they say they are. They don't look anything like their picture, or otherwise lied about themselves, or they're married/living with someone.
2.They don't actually want to meet anyone. They're just bored or want to "talk dirty" to someone while they look at porn.
3.They are (as you said) wanting to feed their egos by getting attention.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the same thing happens to women. Also, the guys who claim to be so successful are probably full of s**t.
What a waste that a girl as attractive as you has to remain alone. One tip I'd give you is, don't tell guys how attractive you are, let them work it out for themselves.
It's an old rhetorical trick, rather than telling someone something, make them think they've thought of it themselves. This way they'll be less skeptical of the idea. People are always skeptical of ideas, save for their own.
If in your profile you describe yourself as vertical attractive, this could sound arrogant, even if it's true. If you allow guys to work it out for themselves, it won't sound arrogant.
I would guess based on gut feeling that she is describing herself as attractive but not having any pictures at all. People are far less likely to message if no pics at all. Having pictures even with below average looks is better than no pictures at all. Whereas attractive women will get tons of messages as it's a "numbers game" meaning guys will message everyone who is remotely attractive.
Or perhaps she is so attractive that people assume it's fake pics like if an unattractive women uploaded pictures of a Victoria's Secret model or something. I'd suggest a "no-makeup" or less flattering pic if what's there is seriously in "too good to be true" territory.
My mom got 0 messages for a month(I think actually a few but were obviously spammers) while having no pictures then after including a pic gets easily hundreds a month. She was on it like from April till October a few years ago, said in total got messaged by probably over 1000 people.
Oh yeah. A girl without pictures is likely to get less messages than a guy without employment.
Was that sarcasm? I can't tell (and no, it's not an autism thing, it's just really vague
No. While I often use sarcasm I wasn't using it that time.
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Guys without employment get greater than 0 messages?
I think probably not sarcasm. If no pictures I might tend to assume it's likely that the girl might be extremely overweight or else has something to hide(she might be good looking but is actually married).
Are those "one night stand" sites safe though? There used to be Craigslist but I'd see on the news people get kidnapped or killed when meeting people from there.
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RetroGamer87
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Guys without employment get greater than 0 messages?
Yes. I used to get messages when I was unemployed.
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The days are long, but the years are short
Guys without employment get greater than 0 messages?
I think probably not sarcasm. If no pictures I might tend to assume it's likely that the girl might be extremely overweight or else has something to hide(she might be good looking but is actually married).
Are those "one night stand" sites safe though? There used to be Craigslist but I'd see on the news people get kidnapped or killed when meeting people from there.
Funny you should mention Craigslist because I've actually had the most amount of success on there years ago, at least just dating-wise. I don't use it anymore since there's like 250 posts from men seeking women every day and almost nothing from women seeking men (the ones that are on there get flagged and removed in minutes), which leads me to believe that not very many women use Craigslist for dating anymore. I doubt any guy is actually having any success on Craigslist at this point, possibly due to the dangers you mentioned, but there's still a ridiculous deluge of incredibly stupid and borderline pathetic posts from some of the worst out there. I don't think I'll try it anymore as my posts would end up buried and because, well, who's even going on that site?
Indeed and I think they were going to put in laws and stuff against solicitation of sexual services because apparently some of the girls in human trafficking like forced prostitutes would end up going through those ads. So I think they're going to criminalize it, that might be why they delete those ads. I saw it either on the news or on a news website.
I thought about some sites but I noticed they're extremely expensive. Like the one my mom used was $80 plus tax for 3 months. Are any of them any good you think? I hate the idea of spending so much possibly for nothing. I made a page sometime in 2012 and got stuck on what kind of picture to upload. Have been just working on myself like weightlifting and stuff ever since. Have gone from 120lbs almost no body fat up to 170lbs with average body fat
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My account is often forced to do Captchas so I may be slow to reply or perhaps even unable to reply.
IMO you're better off waiting for a woman to message you. Like the others have said, women usually get way more messages than men do. They might see you and, regardless of how attractive/unattractive you are, feel confident that they can snag a better looking, wealthier man. But if a women messages you first, that guarantees that they're interested in you. There's no guarantee how long that interest will last (I usually end up getting ghosted) but at least you'll know that they're willing to give you a shot instead of just brushing you off.
RetroGamer87
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Yep. I'll let the woman message me. I'll let the woman pursue me. I'll let her shower me with gifts. After a string of failed relationships the next woman is going to have to try pretty hard if she wants me to give up my precious singleness.
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Yep. I'll let the woman message me. I'll let the woman pursue me. I'll let her shower me with gifts. After a string of failed relationships the next woman is going to have to try pretty hard if she wants me to give up my precious singleness.
More sarcasm? Lol. Seriously though, I'd never wait for a woman to message cuz I'd be waiting forever. It just doesn't work that way. Men are expected to make the first move in real life AND online.
RetroGamer87
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Yep. I'll let the woman message me. I'll let the woman pursue me. I'll let her shower me with gifts. After a string of failed relationships the next woman is going to have to try pretty hard if she wants me to give up my precious singleness.
More sarcasm? Lol. Seriously though, I'd never wait for a woman to message cuz I'd be waiting forever.
That's the idea of it. I've just gone through a bad relationship and the thought of being single forever is very appealing now
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The days are long, but the years are short
Indeed and I think they were going to put in laws and stuff against solicitation of sexual services because apparently some of the girls in human trafficking like forced prostitutes would end up going through those ads. So I think they're going to criminalize it, that might be why they delete those ads. I saw it either on the news or on a news website.
I thought about some sites but I noticed they're extremely expensive. Like the one my mom used was $80 plus tax for 3 months. Are any of them any good you think? I hate the idea of spending so much possibly for nothing. I made a page sometime in 2012 and got stuck on what kind of picture to upload. Have been just working on myself like weightlifting and stuff ever since. Have gone from 120lbs almost no body fat up to 170lbs with average body fat
Had no idea about criminalization of Craigslist personals, interesting. I just noticed that either the site or the community seemed to be cracking down on solicitation and scam posts.
I've used a bunch but I can't say which is any better since I haven't had much luck with any. $80 sounds a bit exorbitant... I don't recall any of the ones I've used costing that much. What was the name?
As far as body pics go, I usually use pics of my face so it's not really a factor. I guess if you're going for one of those shirtless/muscle tee pics, it could definitely help.
Yep. I'll let the woman message me. I'll let the woman pursue me. I'll let her shower me with gifts. After a string of failed relationships the next woman is going to have to try pretty hard if she wants me to give up my precious singleness.
More sarcasm? Lol. Seriously though, I'd never wait for a woman to message cuz I'd be waiting forever.
That's the idea of it. I've just gone through a bad relationship and the thought of being single forever is very appealing now

Hmm, sounds rough. Care to share?
Guys without employment get greater than 0 messages?
Yes. I used to get messages when I was unemployed.
And I've sent messages to guys without jobs.
RetroGamer87
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Yep. I'll let the woman message me. I'll let the woman pursue me. I'll let her shower me with gifts. After a string of failed relationships the next woman is going to have to try pretty hard if she wants me to give up my precious singleness.
More sarcasm? Lol. Seriously though, I'd never wait for a woman to message cuz I'd be waiting forever.
That's the idea of it. I've just gone through a bad relationship and the thought of being single forever is very appealing now

Hmm, sounds rough. Care to share?
Sure. Take a look viewtopic.php?f=6&t=364750&start=180
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I guess you need to show us your pic then.
Are you implying that I may, in fact, be hideous? Lol. I'd rather not show my pics for various reasons, the main one being that I don't feel like being judged and possibly getting negative feedback. I'm also under the impression that even if I'm decent/average looking (I'm at least that), I should be able to have more success than I've had. But, again, this is strictly based on other guys' testimonials about how easy dating sites are.
No, I was joking. I believe you.
The_Face_of_Boo
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I guess you need to show us your pic then.
Are you implying that I may, in fact, be hideous?
Yes, she implied that. And yes your looks is the most important thing in online dating.
Guys who boast too much are liars.
