Esmerelda Weatherwax wrote:
Oh my. I'm sorry, I'm going to say this bluntly - run away. Get away. ASAP.
He isn't honest, and I would bet dollars to donuts he is cheating on you. That type of reaction to what should be an intimate delight is always a bad sign.
(For the record: I myself am a cis het demisexual serial monogamist. But I don't think everyone else has to be all of that, or any of it! I know there are people who make polyamory work, and a wide wonderful world of LGBTQ variation in how people love and are loved, and people who are happily joyously asexual all their lives. I get soppily happy for folks who find happiness / love in any form that works for them. But I think dishonesty in any relationship is a deal breaker, and cheating on your ostensible beloved is as dishonest as it gets.)
Really, get away from this guy, he's not good to you and he's not good for you.
I agree on your personal points here, I have friends who have polygamous relationships and have known people who are asexual, I am 100% supportive of what they feel comfort and pleasure from, it's all about respect and what feels comfortable for that person.
I have thoughts at times about going away, because I feel this is too much. He sees it as just a hurdle and once we get over all this stuff, we will be fine.... I highly doubt that.
I highly doubt he would be cheating. I have thought about it, but he is home most of the time other than going to work (I know his work hours and signs that he has been at work.) and the only times he goes out recently is to see shows with me (He did go to one without me, but I knew he had gone) or going to the shop or just going to do band stuff with his friends and he sends me pictures which prove he is there, such as he and his friends playing with one of the friend's cats.
He has been cheated on in the past pretty badly. His first girlfriend gave birth 9 months to the day that she cheated on him and broke up with him on the same day. But it seems like she would have been cheating on him more than that one time.
I can see that he loves me very much, he gets very upset over me bringing these things up. I told him I was thinking of leaving him because of all the lying and he broke down and cried like I've never seen another person cry. It was that intense.
I asked and asked last night and he took my tone of voice and pauses (which, I don't have much control of these things at times) in a bad way and made it seem like I didn't like him passionately kissing me anyway, which if I didn't why is there even a problem??
And he basically put it down to me expressing that I really liked kissing the Aspie man I was with before that he didn't want to kiss me, he felt inadequate. That does not explain the pushing away, that does not explain why it stopped at the time it stopped. I feel like the blame has been put on me. I explained that the connection is different and everyone kisses differently because we are all different god damn people.
I wish we didn't live together.
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Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 156 of 200.
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 56 of 200.
RAADS-R score: 175.0
Artist | INFJ-T | heterodemisexual.