Should I tell my future girlfriend about my possible autism?

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What's a "future girlfriend"? Either you guys are dating and you're pre (not a couple), or you are "formally" together.

If you are a couple you should definitely tell her, I don't see why not actually. but maybe not outright - don't shock her. If you're just friends than it's up to you, on a need to know basis I guess.

She is not me, and I am not her. I am sure every person has their own little secrets that they wouldn't share with a partner.

And I don't have an official diagnosis, so maybe I don't have it......look fellas, there's something very important to keep in mind, a truth that may annoy some of you: The very existence of Asperger/ High functioning Autism as a specific genetic condition is still to this day....QUESTIONABLE and subject to social construct.

Meaning that there's no definitive organic test to prove its existence in an individual, it's still purely a Psychiatric diagnosis and NOT a Genetic/Medical diagnosis - it is part of DSM and not a part of any real medical book ; and Psychiatric diagnoses are unscientific and subjective.

Now I know there are plenty of genetic/MRA scanning studies that show how autistic individuals may have 'some' common genetic/mra pattern vs a control group but they're really superficial conclusions because if you take a group of introverts vs extroverts you may still find a different MRA/genetic patterns in each group, personality is partly genetic too after all and most probably different personalities generate different brain MRA patterns; hell in some studies they even found out a differences in brain patterns between religious and atheists people (especially the dopamine level), so why there's no Religious Syndrome or Atheist Syndrome, you get what I mean?

As long HF Autism/AS has no molecular level definition then it's hard to prove it (Unlike Down Syndrome and Rett Syndrome for example which are medical diagnosis with real and specific molecular definition and detectable at dna level), as for the LF Autism even if we can obviously see there's something wrong in these individuals but we are still not sure if it's really something called 'Autism" or they may be all cases of still unknown brain poisoning/injury.

Just look at Rett Syndrome case for example, it was lumbed before with ASD in DSM- but once researchers discovered the exact chromosomal mutation causing it, it was removed from the DSM and added to medical books.

So back to my gf, why should i tell her of something that is still that absurd , controversial and questionable? She may google stuff and find out the stories of AS's partners complaining here on WP, or worse to find out about some mass shooter having the same "Disorder".

Now, if medical science finds out the REAL genetic cause and finds a blood/genetic test that can prove the AS in me (yet I am starting to doubt that), then yeah I would do it and tell her. Otherwise, It 's all headache and I prefer to keep this secret till my death.

I would say get to know her and then mention it. Like let her get to know you for you, and then when you are more comfortable you can mention it. If she already has decided she wants to be with you telling her you have aspergers isn't going to make her flee. I did that with my boyfriend I've been with about 3 years now...didn't bring it up at first and waited till the relationship was a little more established. And he does not always understand it or how it affects me but he understand it causes me some social issues and such but yeah seemed better to wait till we knew each other better so he didn't make any unconscious assumptions based on that info.

Also since we started living together after a few months, I couldn't really keep that I was on SSI income a secret as we both have to pool our funds to pay rent. Also I am working with voc rehab to get work...and well much easier to just be able to tell him that I need help with that and am getting disability income instead of hiding it, would be weird to try and hide that stuff from him.

Well said. I feel exactly the same.

I agree with the idea of not revealing to a girlfriend about my Aspergers right on the beginning, thanks very much for your input on this, mates.
Let's become the girlfriend for a moment. What do you think she would think to herself if she realizes somebody is autistic or has aspergers, and that is someone she didn't even become emotionally attached to yet? Or has attraction to yet?
She would think, "Woah, this is probably going to be a waste of time with this guy."
Or, she would think, "Why should I be with an autistic guy if I can find a hundred other non-autistic guys?"
However, if she learns about it after the relationship had significantly developed,
She could think something like this,
"Oh, well, I love him and he is a great guy from what I got to know him. I don't mind he has this aspergers issue. He proved to me that he's amazing and that's enough to me."
That kind of thing.
At first I thought not telling her might be like pretending to be someone I'm not - but it's not like that at all. I am just making sure not to ruin the relationship by saying something awful right from the beginning, and killing her possible interest in me.

I'd say no because it's none of her freakin' business.

If it comes up later in the relationship, so be it, but I see announcing it at the jump to be poisoning the well.

The DSM has “medical” diagnoses, too

If your diagnosis is a DSM code, it’s a certified diagnosis.

The diagnosis of ASD must be given by a psychiatrist or PhD psychologist.

It doesn’t necessarily get you benefits or accommodations, though it usually does in schools and colleges. More rarely in employment.

Basically, if no diagnosis, why tell her you “might” have autism? You’re not being dishonest if you don’t tell her anything about your “autism,” since you might not “have” it.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Jul 2018, 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, it's a legally recognized and protected disability.

Not to mention, I learned in my time studying and training in the medical field that many "medical" diagnoses are really nothing more than educated guess work. It's why I have no problem presenting my ASD as a "real" thing.

Well, even with a formal diagnosis and everything, it's still probably not a good idea to talk about it with her, especially not in the beginning of a relationship.
If I tell her like 3 months later after the first time we met, she will probably accept it nicely.
But even after 3 months it might be too early, maybe I should tell her like a really long time, maybe a year later or after we are living together and everything. Then it won't sound so terrible as if I told her on the first day we met.

You’re under no obligation.

Well, it's true I don't have to tell her anything, but it's a matter of honesty and respect.
I don't want to come across as a kind of guy who lies about himself, refuses to reveal basic facts about himself, etc.
Whether having Aspergers is regarded as that or not is a matter of opinion, but you get the general idea.
Have you ever met a woman and faced a similar situation? You might then realize what I'm talking about.

I do realize what you’re talking about.

You shouldn’t assume that people don’t identify with you, even if they are not in total agreement.

I let people decide their impression of me.

If I want to tell, I do.

If I don’t feel like it, I don’t.

I’m not AGAINST you telling her. I just believe it’s obligatory.

You don't even have a diagnosis....

I mean non-obligatory lol

There's a difference between telling it on the beginning and telling it after like, a year of relationship. I don't think you understand the difference yet.
But besides that, if she doesn't identify and accept it nicely, she will decide to break up and end a relationship. Is that something I would have wanted, considering I want to be married one day, with children, house, etc.? Of course not.
So, the question is should I not tell her altogether, or tell her after a very long time.
That's the question. Can you answer a simple question?
If not, I can understand. Because there are autistic people on this site, after all, and I try to respect them.

But I answered your question, Sir. I have my opinion.

Do what you want, buddy.

Somehow.....I think no matter what I say, I’ll get a negative response from you. I have no idea why that is.

Maybe just say you THINK you might be autistic.