Dating a workaholic

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I dated a guy that was like that and he ended up breaking up with me ultimately because of his work. I guess he figured between working full time and having his friends who he did tabletop roleplaying with on the weekends clearly he didn't have time for a girlfriend ... The guy I am dating now is the exact opposite of my ex now that I think about it. Whether that's a good thing or not is another story but for all that its worth you should never have to feel like you're twisting someone's arm just to get them to go on a date with you.

I’ve never understood why a partner is supposed to be yet another drain on your time. Can’t really busy people just date one another, live and sleep together and share some other parts of their busy lives? If I’m going to do anything worthwhile with what is left of my life, I need to spend it being very busy indeed, which I’ve always wanted to be since my parents started resenting it. Few things could make me happier than finding a girlfriend with a similar lifestyle. So why isn’t this arrangement very common? Something tells me there are a lot more really busy single heterosexual men than really busy single heterosexual women.

You can always get a backup boyfriend.

They want men to make good money yet they expect them to have tons of free time.

It really depends on who you are and what you want from your relationship. Are there things you are passionate about and other people you can spend time with? I would never have wanted a relationship that was "everything" and that consumed all my time. Sometimes it is worth going for things even if it means being apart or not having quite as much time with the person you love. I met my husband when I was 24. Since then I have lived all over the world and sometimes we have been very far apart for work and study. Even when we had our first child we chose to continue living apart so that he could get a better job and I could finish my PhD. Now, we all live together but still he has a lot of work on and is a slow and somewhat pedantic worker so it takes up much of his time. One of his greatest pleasures is fitness so during holidays he wants to spend 2 hrs a day working out. I'm fine with that. I think it is an asset to a relationship as it progresses that both people have some independent goals and pursuits. The big question is, when you are together is he fully present then?

Do you have evidence for your generalization?

When I happen to go out during a weekday’s day time; I see way more girls shopping and chilling in restos than guys.

Same when I take a day off to go to the pool/beach during a weekday, it is a taco fest.

I was asking Spiderpig. Your opinions don’t interest me The_Face_of_Boo.

Why? Racist much?

Not at all.

So what the hell is wrong with you?

Do you have any evidence that I made a generalization?

Hint – I can disregard the bulk of your message and ask you questions meant to waste your time and make you look bad, too.

Indeed.

Here’s another hint to go along with that one — L&D is not really a good place to try to apply rigorous logic to try to prove a point or discredit someone else. Love and romantic relationships are largely emotionally driven, strongly biased by what we WANT versus what IS. It’s the equivalent of placing scientific equipment in some sort of “maze of mirrors” where even the physics of the mirrors is dynamic. You do better taking a psychological approach, assessing actual behavior and deconstructing some causality rather than going all syllogistic.

Spiderpig is doing precisely that, basing conclusions on observed behavior and proposing a hypothesis. He’s asked a question, perhaps only rhetorical, that backs up his conclusion. If he is wrong and you can demonstrate an alternative explanation, please do so.

I don’t think either of us need help in the wasting time/looking bad department if we’re arguing in l&d.

Point taken about arguing in l&d.

[MOD]

Stop it with the, "Women are terrible!" generalizations.

Thanks.

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