What should I expect?

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No we didnt date at all, we met through our work and it was about 6 months of spending all day together before anything romantic happened. Its a case of we do have many shared interests but are currently not doing any of them. I know what you mean about the mind to mind connection as I had that in a previous relationship, but here thats just not possible. Its as if his feelings are not something to be shared. If I try and share mine then theres a kind of instant overwhelm. Its a shame but I honestly dont know what else to do. I just think its sad that Ive got to the stage where I dont even know whats acceptable, I shouldnt feel like 'is this it?' from a long term relationship really, there shouldnt be a hollow to it should there? Its not like we have fallen out but it just doesnt seem like its healthy to be this empty.

If you are in the right relationship, you shouldn't have to suppress your thoughts, desires, and aspirations with the other person, in order to make them happy. Communication should flow freely with the other person.

This is it, I feel that is such a very important part of a relationship. Like if he calls over and has absolutely nothing to say to me its just hurtful. If I ask 'what did your mum say today?' he will still say, 'Oh nothing' even though she will have been at his for 2+ hours so in all that time he could pick something out to add to the conversation Im desperately trying to start. Now, if I say something that leads to atoms or quantum physics or history I get lectured, but to me just a few familiar words would be nice and I dont feel I can fix this. I also know its an asd thing but it just leaves a hole in me that I cant justify. I dont need people, but I just need the one person I do see not to make me feel rubbish.

Ive learnt from writing this thread that the discovery of asd in our relationship just made me feel like I had to accommodate those missing elements because he cant help it, whereas in reality I shouldnt further oppress myself to fit him when that allowance isnt returned for my asd needs.

We took a lot of breaks to get our diagnoses into our minds. Mainly my diagnosis (ADHD) which came after marriage the passive kinda ADHD. And I had PTSD from an earlier abusive relationship. He learnt about all that as I got diagnosed. But thru all that he didn’t want to tell me nothingabout his diagnosis ( I had learnt about the diagnosis from his mom much later in our marriage. I had an inkling but I thought he didn’t know.) I decided that in trying to deal with my ADHD and PTSD I was already alone and he was making fun of my diagnosis. I was only making it worse by trying hard in my relationship so I quit the relationship. I have a lot of time for myself now.

My current girlfriend used to ask me this a lot so I got in the habit of telling her I love her aLOT which has helped with her asking that question. Now she sometimes ask me Why do you love me? so I give a list of reasons but I sometimes ask her the same thing too. We're both insecure.