auntblabby wrote:
if your mate is bound and determined to go through with it, it sounds like a possibility of a split, either before, or after. prepare. if you can't make yourself go into parenthood mode, it can't work and could be very unpleasant for all parties. it is decision time NOW.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
jon85 you have expressed serious concerns. Don't let anyone tell you to just go along with buying a house and adopting kids and expext every will turn out alright just because. This isn't a fairy tale!
If you don't like gardening you might consider buying an apartment or a townhouse. If this is the case tell your partner!
Your partner may have been solely in charge up until now but it doesn't have to stay that way. You don't have to move into a house with a full front and back garden if you don't want to. No one can make you.
Think seriously about raising kids because your life will never be the same. Discuss it with your partner thoroughly. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, after all there are many adoptee kids who need stable and loving homes. I'm just saying to think long and hard and discuss it with your partner before you make a decision that is not easily reversed.
I know these are very big things, and my mood, stress levels and anxiety about them are all over the place. One day I feel really positive about it, the next all I can determine are the failures. The house thing can easily be something I can get over. My worries about that is what if it doesn't work out. It'll be one hell of a mess to clean up - mortgage payments, ect. I like the fact Tyler is in control of it all, I need him to be in control of it all. If he wasn't I would seriously f*k everything up, and I don't mean that lightly.
But it's the kids thing. I guess my biggest concern is that I will end up hating it, I won't get on well with it, I won't be able to get it to listen to me and behave for me and I will end up with a tyrant I can't control because I don't have the confidence to be in charge and it'll be a huge mess. That and the fact that I really value my 'me' time and anyone dare disturb my 'me' time gets my wrath, and I get stressed, and irritable, and I lash out. I hate this about myself, I'm pushing Tyler away from me every day and I can see it happening and f*k knows why he's still with me after all these years.
SilverStar wrote:
Your like me, in that I like the idea of all that stuff (the kids, house, family, etc.), but getting too much of it dumped on you all at once, is a bit overwhelming.
My suggestion, is to just go slow with everything, and do things in stages. Also, figure out exactly what you need, vs. what you want, and communicate with your partner on those things.
I plan on talking to him about it, I'm just trying to string together the right words so that he doesn't get the wrong impression and I make everything worse. I'm also concerned that we ain't getting no younger. We're already both in our mid thirties and by the time we are ready to adopt - if we adopt together - then we'll probably be well into our 40's. I know Tyler has a plan, which involves making sure we're both financially capable before anything, he's certainly not the kind to rush anything.
14 Aug 2018, 11:02 pm
