Try not to develop feelings too soon

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Pjscrab
Velociraptor

Joined: 9 Jul 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 472

20 Aug 2018, 7:49 am

HighLlama wrote:

I do this constantly. I think it's related to sensory overload/sensitivity. Like I just really enjoy how the other person appears/looks, and my mind just goes into overdrive thinking about them. Or it could just be a nice, casual connection, but my feelings are so magnified. A few years ago I went on a few dates with someone and we talked on the phone for hours at night. I'd be absolutely manic afterward, and couldn't sleep for hours. It was like normal happiness totally magnified, so that I felt fairly powerless. Now I try to acknowledge those feelings without fighting them, so I don't feel so disconnected from my feelings. But, it's hard. Fighting the feelings will just make it worse. Even though I may not do anything embarrassing or inappropriate, I feel I have no control in these situations. The subconscious is dragging me along for the ride.

I was like that before my first date ever. Once I started dating and meeting guys reality was a lot different. You don’t need to obsess over anyone not even your GF. But yeah when you’re a teenager it can be like that.

_________________
RDOS quiz —

Your neurodiverse score: 107/200
Your neurotypical score: 135/200

You seem to have both ND and NT traits.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

20 Aug 2018, 7:52 am

It's funny how everyone is different and believes that their experience is the only reality.

Pjscrab
Velociraptor

Joined: 9 Jul 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 472

20 Aug 2018, 9:10 am

I guess my idea of falling hard was different then :lol:

_________________
RDOS quiz —

Your neurodiverse score: 107/200
Your neurotypical score: 135/200

You seem to have both ND and NT traits.

HighLlama
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Apr 2015
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,017

20 Aug 2018, 10:13 am

Pjscrab wrote:

HighLlama wrote:

I'm 35, not a teenager. I've been in multiple relationships and lived with three women. I'm also not saying we have to obsess over people, I'm saying I often think about them to a degree that's overpowering. My point was that I know it's ridiculous logically, but emotionally it is hard to control.

I'm also not saying this all comes down to sensory sensitivity. I'm saying that being sensitive to your senses can heighten or add to attraction, so I think these things are related. It's going to be easier to feel very strongly for someone if I really love the shape of her face, her eye color, etc., and I experience those things intensely. That doesn't mean those are the only things I like about someone, just that it makes it easier to feel strongly before I really get to know them.

Pjscrab
Velociraptor

Joined: 9 Jul 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 472

20 Aug 2018, 10:41 am

HighLlama wrote:

Pjscrab wrote:

HighLlama wrote:

Oops sorry my bad I did not see the age.

True your crushes seem to be very strong. Or your feelings. I only had it one time and that was for my first BF.

_________________
RDOS quiz —

Your neurodiverse score: 107/200
Your neurotypical score: 135/200

You seem to have both ND and NT traits.

LoneLoyalWolf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Jun 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,295
Location: NL

20 Aug 2018, 11:06 am

Everyone is different, you are fast, I am slow (demisexual). Don't take the advice too seriously, do what feels right. Be yourself.

_________________
Please be good to nature and all animals. Please be kind, respectful and patient with everyone. Equality and equity.

rdos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

20 Aug 2018, 2:34 pm

HighLlama wrote:

I'm also not saying this all comes down to sensory sensitivity. I'm saying that being sensitive to your senses can heighten or add to attraction, so I think these things are related. It's going to be easier to feel very strongly for someone if I really love the shape of her face, her eye color, etc., and I experience those things intensely. That doesn't mean those are the only things I like about someone, just that it makes it easier to feel strongly before I really get to know them.

I know for a fact that I can get a real strong infatuation and obsess about a girl almost without any physical cues at all.

SabbraCadabra
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,824
Location: Michigan

20 Aug 2018, 5:04 pm

rdos wrote:

Agreed, but I still don't think this is related to typical sensory traits, like extra sensitive hearing, touch or smell.

I never said it was. Being overwhelmed and being overstimulated aren't always the same thing.

_________________
I'll brave the storm to come, for it surely looks like rain...

blackicmenace
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Nov 2016
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,465
Location: Sagittarius A

20 Aug 2018, 5:46 pm

What the heart wants, is what the heart wants. I am sorry things did not work out this time Hurtloam. I hope it does next time you meet someone your heart wants, you deserve the love and affection you crave.

_________________
“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

21 Aug 2018, 12:58 am

blackicmenace wrote:

Thanks. I feel like my insides have been scooped out with a spoon. I'm like the empty husk of a melon.

HighLlama
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Apr 2015
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,017

21 Aug 2018, 2:38 am

hurtloam wrote:

blackicmenace wrote:

Thanks. I feel like my insides have been scooped out with a spoon. I'm like the empty husk of a melon.

Well, at least they used a utensil

That familiar feeling I know too well, though. Like dating is a language they know, and you just know a few words and fake it. A foreign country. It often feels like they have all the control.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

21 Aug 2018, 2:40 pm

The thing that annoys me about this is that I don't fall for just anyone. It's only when I get positive signs of attention from guys that I allow myself to entertain the possibility of something more.

I'm not an idiot who chases people who are so far removed from me that I have no hope. I dont fall easily at all. Its just when i do fall, i fall deeply.

rdos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

21 Aug 2018, 2:46 pm

hurtloam wrote:

To me, it just seems like bad luck. Maybe next time it will work out?

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

21 Aug 2018, 9:53 pm

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

To me, it just seems like bad luck. Maybe next time it will work out?

Thanks rdos. It just seemed so good that this one is more difficult to get over.

When I make my mind up that I like someone I tend to stick with it. There are usually specific reasons why I am drawn to them. I have a hard time coping when others change their mind, especially when everything seemed ok to me and not just ok,really good, like excellent rapport and mutual interest in each other.

I wish I could ask him what happened, but it's not like we were even officially dating, so I think he'd say we were just friends and brush me off, but I know... i know there was more there. It was different. He treated me differently to the way any guy ever has and I was thinking, "aha! So this is what people mean when they say you just know when someone is into you." Or maybe I've just never had a real male friend before.

Anyway, it's over now.

This romance stuff just gets more confusing as I get older, not easier.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Aug 2018, 11:27 am

Try to be emotionless.

Dark and cold.

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

22 Aug 2018, 11:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:

It's funny how everyone is different and believes that their experience is the only reality.

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

Try not to develop feelings too soon Post Reply New Topic

Try not to develop feelings too soon