How to explain your anxiety to women in dating sites?

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sly279
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06 Sep 2018, 4:08 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Try to make your shyness seem like a cute thing

How? And wouldn’t it only work with women who find shyness cute?

Saw a woman who said she gets a trouser by shy men who fight, blush etc. too bad she’s liberal and won’t date anyone slightly right leaning. Perhaps the only women who’d like a guy like me are all liberal , seems to be so :cry:

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 3:16 am

fluffysaurus wrote:

^I've had years of practice and still hate it. I can't work out how people mean what they say to be taken or how

they are taking what I say and my pauses are misunderstood. Somehow being on the phone multiplies

my communication problems. Is that the same with you Sly?

I dont know it just make me anxious.

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 3:22 am

HighLlama wrote:

sly279 wrote:

She seemed bit too fast for me(wanting to meet up after just few messages)

Have you thought about alternative ways to find women? I think a lot of women on dating sites will want to meet soon to see if you get along or not. I get why that makes you nervous, but from their point of view it's going to be wasted time if there's just a lot of messaging at first, since it's hard to really assess someone that way. The website is just an excuse to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. People tend to want to meet in person fast since that's more "real." The website's really just a tool.

And it seems like going through a cycle of interacting with women who have different needs, then not connecting because of that, is hurting your confidence.

It’s wasted time, emotions and money if we date and they don’t like me.
It’s better to get to know each other through messages first. I went out with last lady right away and I got hurt and wasted a lot of money

There’s no alternative ways for me unfortunately. No one I know will set me up.
I never had much confidence. I don’t hav drive, ambition and I’m submissive,mice also never had any success all that means no confidence. They have made me super depressed, hopeless and sucked all my postivity. Worlds a horrible place now adays, it wasn’t always.

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 3:28 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I understand you're anxious about talking on the phone.

But this seems to be a common way of meeting people. It seems like you'll have a better chance of meeting someone if you can get over the anxiety somewhat. I wish there was a way you could practice phone conversations, so you'll gain more experience.

You probably do pretty well talking on the phone at your job.

For my generation and ownwards texting has replaced phone calls completely. Teens don’t spend hours talking on the phone they text, Twitter, instagram, etc. even some business are moving away from calls to texting. Most normal people just meet up I suppose. Does any one spend hours talking on phone to potential dates? I don’t see how it’d help me overcome my short comings(income, car, housing)

When the phone rings at work I panic, lucky sometimes I don’t make it to the phone in time. Such calls when answered are breif under 2 mins, usually do you have this item, how much is it, thanks. Then they hang up.

I didn’t expect this girl to go anywhere anyways, even if she works as a babysitter at 30, lives with her parents, and is chubby, doesn’t mean I’d ver be good enough for her.

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 3:31 am

AnneOleson wrote:

I’m sorry to hear that Sly. Thank heavens I’ve never been involved with on-line dating. It sounds so complicated. I hate talking on the telephone. Even as a teenager I never got into the hours long chatting. At work I would try and let the incoming call go over to voicemail and wait until the person was gone for the day to call back. I found it easier to teach adult classes face to face rather than talk on the phone. It’s very intimidating. I found it helped if I made a list of points to talk about, almost an agenda or script.

Hugs.
There’s no voicemail at my work, calls are costumer calling to save themselves a trip in to the store if we don’t have something or to price match items.

RetroGamer87
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07 Sep 2018, 5:51 am

sly279 wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Try to make your shyness seem like a cute thing

How? And wouldn’t it only work with women who find shyness cute?

Then date one of those women.

Also try dating a woman who's apolitical.

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kraftiekortie
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07 Sep 2018, 5:24 pm

Many women happen to find shyness cute. I know that for a fact.

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 6:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Many women happen to find shyness cute. I know that for a fact.

most say confident is attractive
Shyness is the opposite of confidence.
So how can it be cute?
Or is it cute like puppy cute but not dateable

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 6:19 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Try to make your shyness seem like a cute thing

How? And wouldn’t it only work with women who find shyness cute?

Then date one of those women.

Also try dating a woman who's apolitical.

There’s two sides in the USA
People who vote right and voted trump and those who didn’t and call those who did beasts and refuse to have anything to do with them.

kraftiekortie
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07 Sep 2018, 11:13 pm

It’s not that “black and white.”

sly279
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07 Sep 2018, 11:41 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

It’s not that “black and white.”

From peoples Facebook posts, dating profiles/ads and peoples post here on wrongplanet it seems so. I’m the enemy.
I’d never post anad saying I won’t date liberals I try to be open minded. Ironically they want someone open minded but aren’t themselves

kraftiekortie
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08 Sep 2018, 1:19 am

I can’t take the Trumpster.

Nothing to do with you.

sly279
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08 Sep 2018, 1:59 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I can’t take the Trumpster.

Nothing to do with you.

Yiu don’t call his voters, beasts, monsters, nazis , racists etc.
others here do, people I thought were friends

fluffysaurus
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08 Sep 2018, 2:00 am

sly279 wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Many women happen to find shyness cute. I know that for a fact.

most say confident is attractive
Shyness is the opposite of confidence.
So how can it be cute?
Or is it cute like puppy cute but not dateable

I'd say shyness is the opposite to arrogance rather than confidence. You can be quietly confident (the best sort).

Shy and confident would be for example imagine if a woman asked you to explain something about guns to her.

You would still feel shy but you would be confident in your subject and that would come across as well as the

shyness. When people tell you women find confidence attractive they really mean don't lead with your fears. We

can be too honest too soon for our own good.

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08 Sep 2018, 2:07 am

sly279 wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

I can’t take the Trumpster.

Nothing to do with you.

Yiu don’t call his voters, beasts, monsters, nazis , racists etc.
others here do, people I thought were friends

I voted Remain but I'm fed up of some of the accusations against Brexit voters (they are not a pack of racists

bigots). Some people seem surprised to find they aren't the only ones allowed an opinion. I lost, I'm over it.

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RetroGamer87
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08 Sep 2018, 7:03 am

fluffysaurus wrote:

sly279 wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

I can’t take the Trumpster.

Nothing to do with you.

Yiu don’t call his voters, beasts, monsters, nazis , racists etc.
others here do, people I thought were friends

The Libs need to learn that if they want more swingvoters to come over to their side, they can attract more flies with honey than vinegar. They're not doing themselves any favours by insulting people who didn't vote for them.

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