type of people who want a relationship with an aspie

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See, I’m the opposite I’m very high energy and talkative yet I need personal space if I ask for it.

Anyway, I think it’s awesome that the OP wants her daughter to date. As long as her daughter wants to.

See now this makes things very difficult, assuming of course that she wants a relationship.

If you think of the word "relationship" literally, it's about someone to relate to. If she can't or won't express thoughts or feelings, or even identify them, it's not going to be very easy for a potential partner to relate to her, and if trying to get her to express how she feels or thinks is like pulling teeth, most people will give up pretty quickly. And if she can't identify or express her own thoughts and feelings, it would follow that she'll have difficulty doing so with others' thoughts and feelings too, which creates another challenge. Nobody wants to do all the work in a relationship, and if she has difficulty with reciprocity and identifying emotions and thoughts, it's just going to be too much work for most people.

If she hasn't expressed any desire for a relationship, you should leave her be until such a time that she expresses interest, or at least talk to her about it to see if you can discern how she feels about it.

I dont know what no boundaries or alexithymia is.
Is it no boundaries like they touchy feely. I had friends who’d hug me which was weird.

I didn’t disagree about the tutor. I wouldn’t ask out someone I was tutoring.

I think the first step is for her to develop more confidence and outwardly express this. Then she'll both be more attractive to desirable men and won't be such a target for predatory or manipulative men.

I have an AS son (just 11 though) and made sure to get him into a good martial-arts class for self-defense ability, but also for the visible confidence that brings.

Having no boundaries is somewhat what you said like people hugging you is weird. Someone with no boundaries(or low) would let someone hug them even if they didn't like it. Not really knowing when to say yes or no, letting people treat you anyway you want, letting people borrow or have things that you might find personal, to put it shortly, it's letting someone or something control your actions, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Alexithymia is not being able to describe how you feel and/or not being able to register the feeling altogether. Example would be feeling angry and not knowing it or not being able to identify it. I could be mad at a person and not know I'm mad or I could feel the sensations that the emotion give but not have anyway to identify what it is.

Hmm... I don't know. Maybe I'm the odd one out among aspies, but when I was the OP's daughter's age, I viewed my girlfriend as someone who plays a specific, cut-and-dried role. In my case, it was: (1) physical intimacy that includes but isn't limited to sex, and (2) availability to be my date for social outings and couple-centric events. Which means she needed to be attracted to me. Anything else---my attraction to her, "feelings", "relating", etc.---was secondary and even unnecessary. As long as my girlfriend did a good job in her role, I was very willing to make her happy 24/7 and provide romantic experiences for her. Unfortunately, my first girlfriend (if I could even call her that) did an awful job, while still getting the romantic experiences I provided. I ended up ghosting her about 2 months into the relationship.

So if most young aspie men are anything like me, and OP's daughter can be a good girlfriend in that sense, I'm very confident that she will have an easy time finding a relationship with a young aspie man. In other words, if she enjoys hugs and kisses, and is willing to accompany her boyfriend when a situation dictates it, all is well.

I disagree. Maybe when you aren't living together, you can get away with basing a relationship on physical intimacy and social accompaniment, but the general aim of a relationship is to see if you're compatible to share your lives and move in together. Living with someone who cannot express their feelings or thoughts to you would be a challenge, because you could never know where you stand with them and if they're content, and in a relationship the other person's contentment should matter to you. Moreover, if a person can't identify their own thoughts and feelings properly, it means they probably can't identify yours either, which means they're probably not even able to take your needs and preferences into consideration, which is another challenge. Essentially we're talking about a non-language communication barrier.

I personally like to know where I stand with those close to me and ensure that there are no unresolved issues between us, so being with someone who not only can't express any problems they may be having with me, but can't even identify them very well would bring about significant challenges I wouldn't want to deal with. A relationship is first and foremost a partnership, so the ability to communicate is of utmost importance.

It seems like you were/are looking for something more along the lines of friends with benefits who will appear with you at social events than an actual relationship. Transparency, reciprocity and caring about the other's happiness are the cornerstones to a functional relationship

what about the tutor? make him dinner.

you had better be sincere. There are ways to track you down.

Think the op was scared away by way people are dissecting her daughter :/

Eh... Isn't that the bare minimum a girlfriend/boyfriend should do? Otherwise, what's the benefit of keeping them around? The relationship doesn't even have to include sex, just enough to distinguish it from a friend zone. (Maybe full-body dancing and French kissing?) As well as, obviously, being a reliable date for events, like an art show or a dance. And yet, my first girlfriend (if I could call her that) failed in both areas. Ghosting her may have been harsh, but I think it was fair even today, let alone as my 18-year-old self.

"Feelings" are all well and good, but if my girlfriend fails two simple requirements (intimacy and availability), any feelings I have for her will quickly vanish.

Well it all comes back to wanting the other person to be happy, which is very important in a relationship. For you to be happy in a relationship, your cravings for physical intimacy and her availability to attend events with you would need to be met, and on the flip side there might be events she wants you to attend with her that you'd prefer not to attend. It's give and take, and these are the kinds of feelings and reciprocity to which I refer. Having unmet needs in a relationship that can't or won't be resolved pretty much spells the end of the relationship, and it would be a challenge to be with someone who can't even consider your needs, and there will be needs beyond the two you've listed if you end up moving in with someone. Compromise and consideration for others is important in every kind of close relationship you have, and especially for those with whom you share a living space. Without consideration for others in your living space, dissatisfaction and conflict is inevitable.

Oh, believe me: I took care of her needs plenty, oftentimes to the detriment of my own. I wanted to try new restaurants (at least as much as my college budget allowed), explore quirky neighborhoods, attend museums and art shows, etc. All of which are incredibly fun with with a romantic partner. She? She just wanted to sit around campus and talk. In fact, the whole time we dated, we went on a proper outing twice: one time to the river promenade, another time to our college's dance event. It was my most unfun relationship to this day, my return on investment was abysmal, and her being not attractive didn't help, either. Not that I cared about looks---I couldn't afford to, being ugly myself---but still.

What's even more weird. is that today, platonic female friends give me better hugs than my first girlfriend did. Now, I'm calling her "my girlfriend" retroactively. If a woman I met today was as unaffectionate and introverted as she was, I wouldn't even be friends with her.

Let's get the thread back on topic. If other aspie men are anything like me, and the OP's daughter is willing to show physical affection and go places---basically, do the minimum of being a good girlfriend---she'll have no trouble finding a good boyfriend. Of course, it is about give and take. But I doubt a good boyfriend will have an issue with that.

this is over simplification. I don't think being quiet and introverted means she can't have good relationships but

there are likely to be a hundred other reasons that she might struggle. She's autistic and we don't have all the

details on her character. I'm not quiet, and I've failed to find a relationship (no, I'm not ugly or fat). Knowing

she's autistic will help her though to learn what might be other people off.

That's true: being quiet and introverted doesn't automatically make someone a bad girlfriend. But at the same time, a vast number of activities and events in our society are couple-centric, where coming with a date is an unwritten rule. Like an exhibit opening at a modern art museum, or a college dance, or a nice dinner. So if my girlfriend is chronically unavailable (emphasis on "chronically") to be my date when needed, regardless of her excuse for it, she's not a good girlfriend and I have no reason to maintain relationship with her.

I realize it's been some time since the thread started. Perhaps the OP found a romantic partner to at least date.