Why is dating so difficult?

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I never said they couldn't, just wanted to point our there were transactional relationships. In my original breakdown such a relationship would be categorized in type 1.

I think transactional or not is a separate dimension and not related to age difference or difference in "mate value" .

Ok. Please dont go down a rabbit hole with this.

This is my thread can we stick to the topic. I almost went down the rabbit hole myself, let's stop here.

I'm not having a debate about transactions on this thread. Take it elsewhere please.

I like going to galleries or museums, it's nice.
You're lucky, I can't even do dinner dates, get so anxious I can't eat.

rdos: Yes maybe it happens that a younger woman falls for an older guy w/o status being an issue, as you and hurt have said you've both experienced (I won't get into the opposite pairing, I know it exists but I've never known any couples like that). My parents were that way and they just randomly met at a diner if I remember correctly. But there WAS status involved in that case b/c my Dad was a professor (back in the 1970s when that had some cache and job security, unlike today) and it was very much part of why my Mom married him, though they were in love too. And let me stop a second and clarify that I'm not only talking about marriage, I'm talking about dating/romantic relationships too. This isn't necessarily a criticism of either the guy or the girl where the former's alot older than the latter, but I definitely think it's harder and rarer for that kind of pairing to last at least in American society if the guy doesn't have money, status or something else to attract a younger woman. It's just rarer, maybe rarer than it used to be, perhaps b/c of the crappy economy we live in where everyone's working multiple jobs and in precarious conditions, and most dating now begins online b/c everyone's so busy. I'm very inexperienced and have never tried uneepi (the ASD dating site) or any other and won't till I get at least a bit of financial stability in my own life.

hurt: I'm sorry to go off on that topic, I don't view it as a "transaction" b/c I'm foolishly still a romantic and this isn't medieval Europe any more where all marriages are arranged. Dating is definitely hard, as I said b/c of the economy we live in: people just don't have time to begin meeting people if they're not doing so online, particularly Milenialls and Gen Zers. There are advantages to this I guess especially for women compared to the past, but it's still really hard to find someone you click with. And again in my limited experience, doubly so for people on the spectrum. Women often/usually have to deal w/all the issues around masking that they may bring to the dating scene and guys often have a harder time getting all the social cues they need to recognize and send out to build a rapport w/a girl.

Wish I had advice for you, but I'll leave that to other posters. Hope you're budding relationship w/the guy works out for you both!

Hi breaks. You're new. Welcome.

Ah, even though dinner was a bit of a stressful thing, in general I don't need to mask with this guy. I'm amazed at how I can be myself and it's ok. Maybe we tried to be overly polite and play a role. Maybe this blip won't matter in the long run. I really hope it doesn't.

Congrats on your fine date, Hurtloam.

Yes that's a good idea. I'll see if there are any exhibitions on.

I know I shouldn't complain that someone finally asked me on a date after years of nothing, but I just feel like it was the wrong setting for us.

Thanks. It's a pretty rare thing for me!

I think I started freaking out that I messed it up.

Just don’t interview him and it won’t be difficult. As simple as that. You made it difficult by acting like a typical woman on a date.
This guy is an old friend of yours, not some guy you’ve just met on tinder, the interviewing thing is totally unnecessary in your case... I mean you didn’t know already the answers of these questions? You have been talking about this guy for months so it’s kinda weird.

Dating is complicated for humans because of their females, they so love to complicate things .

I wasn't asking him interview questions though. You took me too literally.

I said, it's comparable to an interview. I felt like I failed. It felt like I needed to be really good or he wouldn't ask me out again.

Off topic, but yes I agree with this. My ex is turning 42, I'm 26. Age never made a difference and it was barely noticeable to us on an intellectual and emotional etc. level.

Glad it seemed to go well for you!
You should be proud of yourself.
I'm too scared to try to do a casual date thing, but also I have no interest in doing it, unless it is with this guy I feel really deeply for. I feel lonely, but it feels like there's no point me trying... it won't levitate the loneliness.. You know what I mean?

It will become noticeable after 20 years.

Age sometimes never matters.

My wife is 70. I’m 58. We have problems.....but they have nothing to do with age.

I think dating is so difficult because we all need to stop thinking about ourselves and focus on another. Face to face, one on one meetings scare us to death because we are opening our hearts, making ourselves vulnerable to attack and allowing someone in to our most secret, guarded place.

For those of us who have suffered rejection and perhaps ridicule in our pasts or present this demands enormous courage, and the optimism and faith that luck can change if we just keep trying. It's literally putting ourselves on the market and saying "this it, want me? Please, please want me."

We expose our jugular to potential attack, but ,sometimes, if we are fortunate, we are suddenly enveloped in an unfamiliar warm feeling, a click, a feeling of comfort and connection, a familiarity, a "togetherness," that feels like home.

The possibility of rejection, or shame, or criticism put us on the defensive and terrifies us, it makes us say "why bother, I am better off alone and then no-one will ever hurt me again. "

So why is dating worth it?

Because....
There is no magic on earth that beats the sucessful union of shared values, humor and the physical, mental and emotional arousal of being with someone that you can bond with on all levels. This is true intimacy.

Our egos and the plastic culture we are perhaps tainted by will always tell us that there is someone hotter round the corner, smarter, sexier, richer.
The secret is to be content with what you have and devote yourselves to each giving your best to the other.

I miss the times when people admired each other for their altruism and character and not for their breast implants, botox, six packs and d...k pics.
Dating was really fun then.


This is an old fashioned lady here putting in my two bits.
Hope you all find love, I really do.