14 Oct 2019, 12:51 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
You might want to do that, but please realise that gifts and tokens aren't the most important gesture. It's much nicer to have a person care. When she comes home from work / school, ask about her day. Make her tea or her favourite snack. Ask and listen when she's upset. In a relationship, it's nice when my partner takes care of me, and I take care of them. They are my priority, and I am their priority. It comes out evenly and both people feel supported with affection. If it's unbalanced and you don't feel supported, or if your partner doesn't feel supported, you need to learn each other's needs.
Re: Bender -- yes, 100%. I said that I don't like cut flowers, but lilacs and most wildflowers are always welcome. I don't like chocolate but I'd be your love for life if you brought me some butterscotch, etc.
Re: Bender -- yes, 100%. I said that I don't like cut flowers, but lilacs and most wildflowers are always welcome. I don't like chocolate but I'd be your love for life if you brought me some butterscotch, etc.
I thought I had this down, but at this point I'm going to reevaluate everything I do, so thanks for bringing it up. I'll definitely make sure I'm actually giving her the attention she deserves.
14 Oct 2019, 1:02 pm
98Cat wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
I'm not sure if this is universal, but one of the things that (still) and always makes a huge impression on my wife is when she mentions she's interested or likes something in an off-handed way - an obscure book she loved as a kid, a very specific preference for flowers or some other small, apparently trivial detail most people (apparently) don't pay attention to. Whenever I show up with one of these (inexpensive) items or remember something minor she mentioned and try to make it happen, she's definitely more impressed than she would be by big words or expensive gifts.
That's the sort of thing she does for me, and I definitely need to start doing it for her. I know exactly how it makes me feel, but I still haven't got the hang of remembering the small things. I think I'm definitely going to have to start a list.
All it really takes is making a deliberate effort to listen and pay attention, often to "trivial" conversation - you can even make quick notes on your phone to remember - it can take a bit of practice and patience, but it makes people feel really, really good when they realise that even the smallest details about them are important to you
And for people like us, making a list is a really good thing - I have a more or less established one of favourite foods, flowers, movies, books or activities that I use when my wife is having a hard time in any way.
14 Oct 2019, 1:12 pm
14 Oct 2019, 1:27 pm
14 Oct 2019, 1:30 pm
