About to be brave with the crush

Page 2 of 2 [ 31 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

18 Jul 2020, 1:56 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
Pepe wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
Sounds like an idiot. Buy him some balls and yourself some fun before you are going to meet him. :wink:


Erm. 8O

OK - short explanation. If somebody is really interested then is COVID-19 nothing that makes him stop to see the girl that he is into. Not even a little bit.


There would be a hell of a lot of that covert hanky panky going on, as a result of the CV. :wink:



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

18 Jul 2020, 1:58 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
PsychAspi wrote:
UPDATE: He doesn't have the capacities to webcam. :(

Does he lack mental capacities? Sorry but an Android smartphone which is able to do video calls doesn't even cost one hundred dollars and WhatsApp is free. Everybody should be able to buy a smartphone. Do I miss something?
Could be his profile is a fake and he is a scammer or a psychopath. I wouldn't trust that guy. Be very carefully please!
Ask him for his phone number and call him. If you are unable to call him or if the number belongs to the wrong country then skip him immediately! Be sure that as soon as he asks for money (even for a phone) then he's a scammer!


Sounds like good advice.



Teach51
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.

18 Jul 2020, 2:10 pm

Pepe wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
PsychAspi wrote:
UPDATE: He doesn't have the capacities to webcam. :(

Does he lack mental capacities? Sorry but an Android smartphone which is able to do video calls doesn't even cost one hundred dollars and WhatsApp is free. Everybody should be able to buy a smartphone. Do I miss something?
Could be his profile is a fake and he is a scammer or a psychopath. I wouldn't trust that guy. Be very carefully please!
Ask him for his phone number and call him. If you are unable to call him or if the number belongs to the wrong country then skip him immediately! Be sure that as soon as he asks for money (even for a phone) then he's a scammer!


Sounds like good advice.


It does indeed. I don't trust him one bit .


_________________
My best will just have to be good enough.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

18 Jul 2020, 8:37 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
PsychAspi wrote:
UPDATE: He doesn't have the capacities to webcam. :(

Does he lack mental capacities? Sorry but an Android smartphone which is able to do video calls doesn't even cost one hundred dollars and WhatsApp is free. Everybody should be able to buy a smartphone. Do I miss something?
Could be his profile is a fake and he is a scammer or a psychopath. I wouldn't trust that guy. Be very carefully please!
Ask him for his phone number and call him. If you are unable to call him or if the number belongs to the wrong country then skip him immediately! Be sure that as soon as he asks for money (even for a phone) then he's a scammer!


Sounds like good advice.


It does indeed. I don't trust him one bit .
The OP stated that she met him offline so it is very unlikely that he'd be using fake pix or live in anothe country or something. All 3 relationships i had started online were long distance & we barely exchanged pix, barely talked on the phone, never vid chatted & i don't use social media or anything & we def were not catfish. Of corse technology wasn't as advanced then. Some people are very paronoid about the virus rite now. It's probably related to the tons of misinformation spred by the politicians & mefda & all the crazy rules & restrictions in some places that refuse to allow people to use their own common sense. People don't know who or what to trust so lots of people are scared of going out & meeting up rite now.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

23 Jul 2020, 9:39 am

Video calls are pretty useless for somebody neurodiverse. You will not be able to communicate naturally that way since that would require real proximity. After all, visual cues like facial expressions and body language do transfer in video calls, but that's not how NDs communicate.

I'd avoid video calls at all costs. It would only show the other party how odd you are.



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

23 Jul 2020, 11:38 am

rdos wrote:
Video calls are pretty useless for somebody neurodiverse. You will not be able to communicate naturally that way since that would require real proximity. After all, visual cues like facial expressions and body language do transfer in video calls, but that's not how NDs communicate.

I'd avoid video calls at all costs. It would only show the other party how odd you are.


That is what I think, also.
I find the written medium the best for me, and it is my belief it is the best for those on the spectrum, wherever possible.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

23 Jul 2020, 4:12 pm

Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Video calls are pretty useless for somebody neurodiverse. You will not be able to communicate naturally that way since that would require real proximity. After all, visual cues like facial expressions and body language do transfer in video calls, but that's not how NDs communicate.

I'd avoid video calls at all costs. It would only show the other party how odd you are.


That is what I think, also.
I find the written medium the best for me, and it is my belief it is the best for those on the spectrum, wherever possible.


If you cannot meet for real then writing is certainly the next best alternative. Writing is void of neurotypical nonverbal communication and so won't put NDs at a disadvantage.



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

24 Jul 2020, 2:07 am

rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Video calls are pretty useless for somebody neurodiverse. You will not be able to communicate naturally that way since that would require real proximity. After all, visual cues like facial expressions and body language do transfer in video calls, but that's not how NDs communicate.

I'd avoid video calls at all costs. It would only show the other party how odd you are.


That is what I think, also.
I find the written medium the best for me, and it is my belief it is the best for those on the spectrum, wherever possible.


If you cannot meet for real then writing is certainly the next best alternative. Writing is void of neurotypical nonverbal communication and so won't put NDs at a disadvantage.


Yup.

And, as a group, aspies have a higher intellect than NTs. Our greater ability to reason gives us the advantage when we have a safe/pressure-free environment to do so. ;)



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

24 Jul 2020, 2:39 am

Pepe wrote:
And, as a group, aspies have a higher intellect than NTs. Our greater ability to reason gives us the advantage when we have a safe/pressure-free environment to do so. ;)


Intellect (and IQ) are concepts that are incompatible with evolution. A species is only as smart as it needs to be to survive and only in the areas necessary to survive. Given that, NTs evolved in a different environment than NDs, and so have different strengths than NDs. Depending on what traits people regard as "intelligent", both NTs and NDs can have the highest intellect.

We NDs can do pretty stupid things too. :mrgreen:



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

24 Jul 2020, 3:27 am

rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
And, as a group, aspies have a higher intellect than NTs. Our greater ability to reason gives us the advantage when we have a safe/pressure-free environment to do so. ;)


Intellect (and IQ) are concepts that are incompatible with evolution. A species is only as smart as it needs to be to survive and only in the areas necessary to survive. Given that, NTs evolved in a different environment than NDs, and so have different strengths than NDs. Depending on what traits people regard as "intelligent", both NTs and NDs can have the highest intellect.

We NDs can do pretty stupid things too. :mrgreen:


Research, not opinion, indicates aspies, as a group have a higher IQ.
There are many aspies involved in STEM-related fields, as an indicator. 8)



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

24 Jul 2020, 3:58 am

Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
And, as a group, aspies have a higher intellect than NTs. Our greater ability to reason gives us the advantage when we have a safe/pressure-free environment to do so. ;)


Intellect (and IQ) are concepts that are incompatible with evolution. A species is only as smart as it needs to be to survive and only in the areas necessary to survive. Given that, NTs evolved in a different environment than NDs, and so have different strengths than NDs. Depending on what traits people regard as "intelligent", both NTs and NDs can have the highest intellect.

We NDs can do pretty stupid things too. :mrgreen:


Research, not opinion, indicates aspies, as a group have a higher IQ.
There are many aspies involved in STEM-related fields, as an indicator. 8)


That's basically what I claimed. If you regard competence in STEM-related fields as intelligent, then NDs are likely more intelligent than NTs. If you regard competence in selling stuff or running a business as intelligent, then NTs are likely more intelligent than NDs. If you regard catching an Antilope on the Savannah as intelligence then a lion is likely more intelligent than humans.

In short, there is no reason why competence in STEM-related fields should be the definition of intelligence. NDs are good at STEM-related fields as an exaptation of their evolutionary past, not because they are more intelligent.



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

24 Jul 2020, 5:42 pm

rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
And, as a group, aspies have a higher intellect than NTs. Our greater ability to reason gives us the advantage when we have a safe/pressure-free environment to do so. ;)


Intellect (and IQ) are concepts that are incompatible with evolution. A species is only as smart as it needs to be to survive and only in the areas necessary to survive. Given that, NTs evolved in a different environment than NDs, and so have different strengths than NDs. Depending on what traits people regard as "intelligent", both NTs and NDs can have the highest intellect.

We NDs can do pretty stupid things too. :mrgreen:


Research, not opinion, indicates aspies, as a group have a higher IQ.
There are many aspies involved in STEM-related fields, as an indicator. 8)


That's basically what I claimed. If you regard competence in STEM-related fields as intelligent, then NDs are likely more intelligent than NTs. If you regard competence in selling stuff or running a business as intelligent, then NTs are likely more intelligent than NDs. If you regard catching an Antilope on the Savannah as intelligence then a lion is likely more intelligent than humans.

In short, there is no reason why competence in STEM-related fields should be the definition of intelligence. NDs are good at STEM-related fields as an exaptation of their evolutionary past, not because they are more intelligent.


Quote:
Autism Is Also Associated With Genius

In fact, there is almost as much evidence that the correlation could be in the opposite direction.

There have been theories about underlying connections between autism and intelligence for years. The stereotypes of the mad professor or the eccentric genius are old ones, and some modern psychologists theorize that illustrious scientists such as Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein might have been autistic.

In 2015, Cambridge University undertook a study of almost half a million people and uncovered intriguing evidence that autistic traits (although not necessarily full-blown autism) are more common among people involved in the science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) fields… careers historically requiring quite a lot of brainpower.

This doesn’t prove any connection between autism and intelligence, let alone a causative one, but other research has gone further. Another study that same year uncovered a likely genetic link between autism and genius—families that were more likely to produce autistic children were also more likely to produce geniuses. https://www.appliedbehavioranalysisedu. ... elligence/



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

26 Jul 2020, 12:49 am

rdos wrote:
In short, there is no reason why competence in STEM-related fields should be the definition of intelligence. NDs are good at STEM-related fields as an exaptation of their evolutionary past, not because they are more intelligent.
I may open up a huge can of worms with this but I'll say it. In general there is a higher amount of men than women in STEM fields but that does NOT automatically mean that men are smarter than women. There's lots of social & society factors as to why women are less likely to get into those fields. Some of those factors include social stigma & gender stereotypes. Women were traditionally discouraged from entering those fields due to them being expected to be housewives who raised the kids while their husbands had real jobs.

There is a stereotype that us Aspies are great in the STEM industry & that stereotype might be part of the reason why some Aspies decide to get into those fields. Some Aspies assume they'll be good in STEM stuff due to them being Aspies or others may encourage them to enter those fields due to the assumption that Aspies are great in them. Also some Aspies go into the STEM fields not because they're great or very good at it, but because they s#ck at other stuff more. Us Aspies are into things like computers & video-games sometimes because it's better than interacting with others in person in the real world. Also there is a much higher percentage of Aspies who struggle with school compared to NTs. Us Aspies are more likely to have learning disabilities like dyslexia, problems with executive function, problems with paying attention like AD[H]D, anxiety, &/or depression issues that can make schooling more difficult for us than our peers. Yes some Aspies can excel in the STEM fields like Bill Gates but there's also plenty of Aspies who are on welfare or being supported by their family compared to NTs. We tend to mature slower & have our sh!t together in life much later than our peers. If intelligence was measured by things like street smarts & how well we can function & adapt to the world, us Aspies would generally be considered the dumb 1s. Unfortunately in some areas us Aspies are generally stereotyped as having something like a less sever form of mental retardation despite the fact that Bill Gates is thought to be an Aspie who is super successful with business & a genius with computer stuff, some consider him the exception instead of the norm.

As for myself, I MAJORLY struggled in school compared to my peers & I struggled more than my peers with most other things as well. I only graduated high-school because my teachers curved my grade in at least a 4th of my classes & I took the easiest courses I could whenever I had choices. I NEVER had a desire to go to college. I'm too ret*d & disabled to do any job that requires a college degree. After I graduated I was encouraged to get into computer stuff. I spent a lot of time on computer because I didn't have a real life like my peers & being on computer was kinda a special interest. I was also better at computer stuff than my parents but my parents were behind the majority of people their age with that stuff. Plus I majorly s#cked with LOTS of things compared to my peers so from a certain point of view it made sense for me to get into computer stuff. I took a course to learn about computer repair & at least 85% of it was over my head. It made me less afraid of changing out components in my desktop but I have to do a bit of research before changing something when there's a problem. I've always been very behind my peers with technology including computer stuff. Some people like my parents expected me to be capable of doing all kinds of various technical related stuff but in reality most kids probably know more about that stuff than me rite now.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

26 Jul 2020, 1:35 am

PsychAspi wrote:
Hi Guys.

So, I've been talking to this boy online for a while, for obvious reasons, We met in-person.

Anyway, my mom has been needling me to talk to him via video chat (She knows I like him). I asked him if he wanted to chat with me and my friend almost a month ago. He said no (Damn!) This boy is very shy and is uncomfortable with going out until we have a vaccine or cases drop to 0.

Last night, we were up till 12:48 AM talking. We were making fun of the abusive ex, and he asked me a bit about my Asperger's. So, maybe the timing is right with asking him to video chat?

Oh god, how do I go about approaching this? Any advice is appreciated.
Will post update...if I'm able to muster the courage to do this...


I'm assuming she sorted this out as she posted this way back in May.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2020, 4:10 am

nick007 wrote:
rdos wrote:
In short, there is no reason why competence in STEM-related fields should be the definition of intelligence. NDs are good at STEM-related fields as an exaptation of their evolutionary past, not because they are more intelligent.
I may open up a huge can of worms with this but I'll say it. In general there is a higher amount of men than women in STEM fields but that does NOT automatically mean that men are smarter than women. There's lots of social & society factors as to why women are less likely to get into those fields. Some of those factors include social stigma & gender stereotypes. Women were traditionally discouraged from entering those fields due to them being expected to be housewives who raised the kids while their husbands had real jobs.

There is a stereotype that us Aspies are great in the STEM industry & that stereotype might be part of the reason why some Aspies decide to get into those fields. Some Aspies assume they'll be good in STEM stuff due to them being Aspies or others may encourage them to enter those fields due to the assumption that Aspies are great in them. Also some Aspies go into the STEM fields not because they're great or very good at it, but because they s#ck at other stuff more. Us Aspies are into things like computers & video-games sometimes because it's better than interacting with others in person in the real world. Also there is a much higher percentage of Aspies who struggle with school compared to NTs. Us Aspies are more likely to have learning disabilities like dyslexia, problems with executive function, problems with paying attention like AD[H]D, anxiety, &/or depression issues that can make schooling more difficult for us than our peers. Yes some Aspies can excel in the STEM fields like Bill Gates but there's also plenty of Aspies who are on welfare or being supported by their family compared to NTs. We tend to mature slower & have our sh!t together in life much later than our peers. If intelligence was measured by things like street smarts & how well we can function & adapt to the world, us Aspies would generally be considered the dumb 1s. Unfortunately in some areas us Aspies are generally stereotyped as having something like a less sever form of mental retardation despite the fact that Bill Gates is thought to be an Aspie who is super successful with business & a genius with computer stuff, some consider him the exception instead of the norm.

As for myself, I MAJORLY struggled in school compared to my peers & I struggled more than my peers with most other things as well. I only graduated high-school because my teachers curved my grade in at least a 4th of my classes & I took the easiest courses I could whenever I had choices. I NEVER had a desire to go to college. I'm too ret*d & disabled to do any job that requires a college degree. After I graduated I was encouraged to get into computer stuff. I spent a lot of time on computer because I didn't have a real life like my peers & being on computer was kinda a special interest. I was also better at computer stuff than my parents but my parents were behind the majority of people their age with that stuff. Plus I majorly s#cked with LOTS of things compared to my peers so from a certain point of view it made sense for me to get into computer stuff. I took a course to learn about computer repair & at least 85% of it was over my head. It made me less afraid of changing out components in my desktop but I have to do a bit of research before changing something when there's a problem. I've always been very behind my peers with technology including computer stuff. Some people like my parents expected me to be capable of doing all kinds of various technical related stuff but in reality most kids probably know more about that stuff than me rite now.



There are more women than men in STEM in many Middle-eastern/Muslim countries.

https://scoopempire.com/how-women-are-d ... rab-world/

While I was interviewing applicants for a junior coding position, half of them were women from various backgrounds.

The “rarity of women in STEM” I see in western medias has been long a something... alien to me.