Biggest turnoff to NT's = Innocense?

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This isn't an attack on the theory -- in fact I've seen the truth of it many times.

But if I have to pull some angry, callous, insensitive act to get girls to pay attention to me then I don't want anything to do with them in the first place. I'll be single, thanks. I can understand acting confident and experienced even if I'm not, and I've already gotten into that habit; but I'm not going to bother if I have to pull this kind of reverse psychology BS.

So you're calling me an @sshole? No, don't worry, I'm not offended, that's just the way I read your comment.

No. You misread it appearantly. You seemed to be interpreting techstep's message as saying: "a person should be an a$$hole." I cannot see how you could have misread my statement.

Umm, no, that's not how I read techstep's message. To me 'innocence' means 'stilll being a child at heart' and all that sort of thing. I've noticed that most female NTs would find such a personality -attractive- more than anything, and that cynical, jaded, experienced types are usually ignored.

I have eyes like that. Usually my 'death glare' causes more of a laugh than anything, tho'.

I can respect that, but you do understand that I'm not saying act calous and insensitive as much as lose the overwhelming tendencies at the core of who you are and really darken yourself inwardly enough to where it looks diplomatic and where they know you could be a pretty scary mf. That's what I mean, it doesn't show exactly on your face but it's in the calculus of how you move, the subtleties of how you act to things, etc. (IMO overreacting to things and trying to act hard isn't hard, it's being a cheesed--- and that's definitely not what I'm steering toward).

Innocence is a bit of a turn off, to be honest.

But for some reason I always want the person thats in the highest demand, or has been around.

...

Last edited by acousticvalley on 09 Nov 2005, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think in that illustration I made above, what I thought I was seeing in terms of dismay from the girl I mentioned was probably just that. I've probably mentioned this before but with my ADHD, even though I really don't act the part, I have that bright-eyed disney character glow half the time and I really feel like that sends the wrong idea no matter what; it gets girls interested who want a child at heart and even has some girls who want a hardened guy or who are hardened themselves looking at me like they almost wanna spit in my face on first glance.

The problem I have and the thing I thing is extremely unfair - the girls who are into that disney ADHD'ish cute really don't want a guy who's experienced, they don't want a guy who likes really dark, grimey and intelligent music, and I've been told time and time again that I need to throw away the music I have (nothing in life makes me happier) and get some real soft easy-cheese type music, my dad's always telling me that I need to grow my hair out (well, when I had my head shaved) and shave my beard off because he thought I was scaring em off looking like some kind of gangster or 30-year-old fart (then again I think he'll be rationalizing my AS till the day he dies on whatever he can find), and really, it all makes me wanna throw up. It makes me sick that they can be that closed minded, that hung up on really stupid details like that, not know and not wanna know who someone is once they see that you weren't what they thought you were, and for me I have a need at the very core of who I am to be on top of things, to be hardened at least in the sense of having a real firm and crisp presence, and I feel the need to have enough steel in me to at least rise up to the level of whoever's the hardest person in the room if I'm gonna talk to em at all.

I really don't think they're correlating hardening = abuser because, I'm sorry, I can't even think that anyone smart enough to graduate highschool or get into college could be that far beyond naive; if they are and I find that to be true, lol, I think I might just have to run to the toilet.One of my friends from work stopped by and mentioned how his brother was hitting it off with some girl who works there. One thing you could say about his brother is he's a typical frat boy who just isn't in a frat - doesn't know anything about life, nothing about any kind of subculture, probably afraid to death of anything outside of the pop-culture envelope, and he does find women and so do lots of guys who are like that; including the types who'd want me to be a disney character. It's like if your hardned in terms of having a much broader, deeper perspective of life and reality and feel the need to meet your own understanding of the world in terms of inner strength, that really reaks of intelligence and they won't touch ya. If your shook scared of anything outside of your own little bubble and are only hardened in that pop-culture crack assanine jokes, shouting the same movie quote all day long at work or parties, or just like to talk s**t in general - these women kinda like that type of guy.

Lol, oh well, like ghotix said - f' em. Yeah, I have to write it down as two strikes actually - one being not hardened in the *right* way (ie. not desensitized to my own and other people's ignorance, not desensitized to manners, class, moral character, etc.) and the other is being too damn intelligent to be hardened in their way. That guy's little brother though is a lot like myself in terms of practically everything - ADHD, similar appearance, taste in music, etc., and it seems his major luck out is the fact that he's definitely NT and has that ability to chat up any woman any time anywhere just about; something I feel I have it in me to do half the time but something that I know will get thown out of whack by the way my AS will affect the nonverbals I'm sending em.

Well, all that said, I think I'll just go make some tunes, play some video games, or do some homework. If I think about this anymore I'm just gonna give myself a damn aneurysm or something. Looks like I really did get seduced by the fact that it looked like a solid solution I could work toward.

For some reason, I get the impression that the girls who'd be the most compatable with an aspie guy or the ones who wouldn't mind a think first type are the ones who are a bit hardened and who don't really want a disney character for a guy. It probably works that way then again, I'm just guessing, because they find their roots of inward stability in just that - being hardened, being able to handle their environment, and having as much of a solid grasp of what the hell this world really is as they can.

I can't speak for most girls.

All I know is i'm very different from other girls when it comes to the matter of relationships and affection from the opposite sex.



I agree, same with guys. I think guys that would be most comfortable with me would be exactly that.

Not from what I've seen.

And yes, people definately are turned off by my innocense, among another things. One girl said she didn't like me because she didn't feel I was someone she could "joke around" with. Another said that she appreciates how nice I am but I just don't have that "spark". Lately, I have been trying to be a bit more blunt, and sometimes it goes too far backfires, while other times I still fall back into the "nice guy" trap.

The people I've dated and the people who like(ed) me thought I was cute when I "acted" naive and innocent.


-SpaceCase

If I remember who you are correctly, I think age and gender are on your side with that one. As a guy eve, when I was in jr. high the girls liked it and the dudes beat my a55. Now the guys see integrity in me and like me, some of the girls who are more on that one of the guys page are like that with me too, but I'm definitely realizing that the holes in social play caused by AS effect things no matter how a person acts. Oh well, screw it...

As an NT female, I find innocence to be extremely refreshing, whether in a young person or a mature adult. Also, I have found that many people lose their "childlike" qualities as they age and conform to whatever they think it is important (?) to conform to. As an older woman, having had many opportunities and experiences w/ NT males, I can tell you that the lack of innocence and "childlike" qualities I have found in these men have been i]really[/i] boring to me and that whatever "cool" persona they have taken on is of absolutely no interest to me. I am probably a little skewed due to my personality and experiences but, I can say that personally, I cherish my innocent aspects and my childlike approach to the world.

Well, at the end of the day everyone has their needs and while it's nice to be refreshing to other people I really can't appreciate being that way at my own expense.

Since I wrote this post I think my view on this has drawn back and gotten a lot more moderate. Still though, although I'm not gonna try and be like my army ranger buddy or the other guys I know who have to hold back from getting into fights or causind drama I definitely don't think it's really appropriate to show much in the way of sheer innocense. I think it does flip that protectorate switch in most women where they figure the guy they're looking at couldn't save their live if a rapist or mugger was after them, would probably just end up getting beaten down or stabbed in a second flat if he did try to defend her, and defending the kids from possible predators, not much help there either. I don't mind comming off like a good person but seriously, I need to just vibe up like I've got a whole other side to me - I'm a lot better than I used to be but I still think I have a ways to go on that.