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hartzofspace
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18 May 2008, 10:25 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
IMO, I think that men aren't taking some important things into consideration, when considering women as dating partners. From a woman's point of view, I would say that we stand to lose a lot more than a blow to the ego, if we show interest in the wrong man. Here's a list for you: Rape, disease, pregnancy, loss of reputation, as well as other physical dangers, such as assault, robbery, etc. I am speaking from my own experience. When I tried to make the first move on what I thought was an eligible male, I put myself in a position to experience most of the things on that list. Because of my being an Aspie. :( Cut us some slack, guys, Okay?
:roll:


If thats the case, tell me WHY women feel perfectly comfortable flirting with guys they're not seriously interested at parties, clubs, bars, and sometimes in ordinary public places??? :? Isnt there a danger of sending the wrong message to a guy by flirting with him-that he might pursue you aggressively and even try to (sexually)attack you later on?


I won't profess to know why women do this, D1nk0. I have often wondered myself, why such women flirt, seemingly indiscriminately, with lots of men. The things you mention, above, is what makes me overly cautious of my interactions with men. It must just be some sort of ego stroking thing here, to these particular women, with no regards to possible outcomes. :?

D1nk0 wrote:
Why is flirting, especially when the woman takes the lead, just play to women? So hartzofspace, I guess what Im saying is that Im NOT all that keen on ordinary women. Confident women DO exist and Ive met some of them but unfortunately in one case, she was taken and was from out of town :( . I HATE it when women flirt with me just to stroke their egos or to *play* cuz they're in the mood and my stock response is to pretty much ignore them and give'em the brush-off to let'em know that I am NOT into playing games! Women like men who are confident and I like women who are confident; WTF is wrong with that???


Frankly, nothing is wrong with that. I wish I knew why people flirt when they don't mean it. It's probably just an NT thing that I will never understand.


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techstepgenr8tion
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19 May 2008, 12:51 am

NeantHumain wrote:
My experience has been it's hard to tell which women are "Machiavellian" and which aren't, but showing interest in a woman almost universally results in some negative outcome: her becoming more aloof, her playing mind games or otherwise messing with you, her being creeped out and uncomfortable around you, etc. One thing it does not result in is her becoming more interested in you or more open to things with you.


They have a hard time it seems being attracted to guys who either reciprocate that too fast or angle in in such a way that isn't the hunter 'sweeping her off her feet'. Part of it has to do with gender role - as in, as guys, the norm is that we tend to just go after what we want when we want it and when a guy's too grounded in anything else it seems a bit strange or unnatural (and yes, is often interpreted as a sign that he's losing the race). When a guy does play....slightly..aloof its the next best thing as its a sign that he's being real, not pushing anything, and the problem with anything being pushed (outside the desparation bit) is that almost anyone knows that they can't be happy with someone who isn't like them or who'll blatantly overlook all kinds of signs that they shouldn't be together just on personal differences.

I don't know what to say about how to see it because I may have an uncanny ability to gage people. I think most people are effectively good people, everyone's been though their trials and tribulations which sometimes has hardened them up a bit. You'll still meet women though where things will come natural, where you'll be able to talk to them easily, and - being able to see intent from their end often times comes when they're very sincere with you but at the same time go as far to even push the conversation further, talk about the real nuts and bolts of life itself, compare values; while that isn't always a sign and I still err on the side of caution you can see it when things persist and a lot of times in the way they look at you - you'll see some longing in it.



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19 May 2008, 4:03 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
NeantHumain wrote:
My experience has been it's hard to tell which women are "Machiavellian" and which aren't, but showing interest in a woman almost universally results in some negative outcome: her becoming more aloof, her playing mind games or otherwise messing with you, her being creeped out and uncomfortable around you, etc. One thing it does not result in is her becoming more interested in you or more open to things with you.


They have a hard time it seems being attracted to guys who either reciprocate that too fast or angle in in such a way that isn't the hunter 'sweeping her off her feet'. Part of it has to do with gender role - as in, as guys, the norm is that we tend to just go after what we want when we want it and when a guy's too grounded in anything else it seems a bit strange or unnatural (and yes, is often interpreted as a sign that he's losing the race). When a guy does play....slightly..aloof its the next best thing as its a sign that he's being real, not pushing anything, and the problem with anything being pushed (outside the desparation bit) is that almost anyone knows that they can't be happy with someone who isn't like them or who'll blatantly overlook all kinds of signs that they shouldn't be together just on personal differences.

I don't know what to say about how to see it because I may have an uncanny ability to gage people. I think most people are effectively good people, everyone's been though their trials and tribulations which sometimes has hardened them up a bit. You'll still meet women though where things will come natural, where you'll be able to talk to them easily, and - being able to see intent from their end often times comes when they're very sincere with you but at the same time go as far to even push the conversation further, talk about the real nuts and bolts of life itself, compare values; while that isn't always a sign and I still err on the side of caution you can see it when things persist and a lot of times in the way they look at you - you'll see some longing in it.


I agree. Funny enough, what I actually like in a woman is: man on inside, woman on the outside :lol:
By that I mean a woman who acts and thinks more like a guy but still has a feminine appearance and style of dress :wink: .



techstepgenr8tion
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19 May 2008, 4:21 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
I agree. Funny enough, what I actually like in a woman is: man on inside, woman on the outside :lol:
By that I mean a woman who acts and thinks more like a guy but still has a feminine appearance and style of dress :wink: .


I can agree in the sense that I like the combination of feminine but simultaneously analytical - has emotions, enjoys them, but keeps them as more of a side dish rather than the main course.



hartzofspace
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19 May 2008, 5:18 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
I agree. Funny enough, what I actually like in a woman is: man on inside, woman on the outside :lol:
By that I mean a woman who acts and thinks more like a guy but still has a feminine appearance and style of dress :wink: .


Well, if I were younger, perhaps I would have attracted you, since that describes me perfectly. :wink:


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19 May 2008, 5:32 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
D1nk0 wrote:
I agree. Funny enough, what I actually like in a woman is: man on inside, woman on the outside :lol:
By that I mean a woman who acts and thinks more like a guy but still has a feminine appearance and style of dress :wink: .


Well, if I were younger, perhaps I would have attracted you, since that describes me perfectly. :wink:


ORLY? What has changed? Your outside or your inside? Do you dress tomboyish lately for some reason.....hell,maybe you still would attract me, ya never know :D



hartzofspace
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19 May 2008, 5:55 pm

D1nk0 wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
D1nk0 wrote:
I agree. Funny enough, what I actually like in a woman is: man on inside, woman on the outside :lol:
By that I mean a woman who acts and thinks more like a guy but still has a feminine appearance and style of dress :wink: .


Well, if I were younger, perhaps I would have attracted you, since that describes me perfectly. :wink:


ORLY? What has changed? Your outside or your inside? Do you dress tomboyish lately for some reason.....hell,maybe you still would attract me, ya never know :D


Well, let's see. My outside hasn't changed all that much, since I am told that I look 20 years younger than my actual age. I rarely dress tomboyish - I take it you mean wearing clothing intended for boys? I do believe in being direct, and to the point, however.


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hartzofspace
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20 May 2008, 8:01 pm

Yeesh! Didn't meant to kill the thread! :oops:


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20 May 2008, 9:23 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
IMO, I think that men aren't taking some important things into consideration, when considering women as dating partners. From a woman's point of view, I would say that we stand to lose a lot more than a blow to the ego, if we show interest in the wrong man. Here's a list for you: Rape, disease, pregnancy, loss of reputation, as well as other physical dangers, such as assault, robbery, etc. I am speaking from my own experience. When I tried to make the first move on what I thought was an eligible male, I put myself in a position to experience most of the things on that list. Because of my being an Aspie. :( Cut us some slack, guys, Okay?


This is exactly why I feel awkward approaching women in real life. It's not totally about the ego. Mostly I just don't want to be a creep, I don't want to make someone I'm attracted to feel uncomfortable. >.<



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21 May 2008, 12:06 am

Yeah, and it's considered shameful to even be looking for a girlfriend. You're under the presumption of being a rapist or something. I must be a "creep" because I'm attracted to girls. And what's funny is that a lot of NT guys would somehow think that I'm "queer" just because I don't have a girlfriend. Notice the similarity between those two terms? It's like you're damned either way... because unless you're already in a relationship, then you're seen as scum from every point of view.



techstepgenr8tion
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21 May 2008, 6:17 am

Cyberman wrote:
Yeah, and it's considered shameful to even be looking for a girlfriend. You're under the presumption of being a rapist or something. I must be a "creep" because I'm attracted to girls. And what's funny is that a lot of NT guys would somehow think that I'm "queer" just because I don't have a girlfriend. Notice the similarity between those two terms? It's like you're damned either way... because unless you're already in a relationship, then you're seen as scum from every point of view.


Unfortunately all that's real inherent and deliberate just on how human beings are built (natural selection, survival of the fittest, etc.). I also notice that having earnest conversations about this stuff doesn't help me either, almost like I'm supposed to be in love with whatever I am right off the start and not to be that self-centered is some sort of sign that I'm weird; all that's really teaching me to just be ambivalent and do whatever the heck I want because, unless you're just following the program (as an NT among NT's or an Aspie among Aspies) you catch friction for making your own way and your only free of it when you can honestly say to yourself "My values are what they are, I really don't give a f--- what anyone thinks because this is what I believe, this is what makes the most sense to me, and I'm not going to trade in the best of myself just to meet some gradient of mediocrity".