How do I explain Polyamory to my son with Asperger?

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31 Aug 2008, 1:56 pm

I'm sorry but no im gonna have to speak my mind here

I DONT AGREE WITH POLYMOPHANY

I don't agree to raise child WITH POLYGAMIST

A parents first thought should be there child especially fi there young this person is living a selfish single life.

If she really cared about her son she would try to get in a stable relationship try to get in a nice neighborhood and a nice school and live a normal life which a single husband

to be honest i find haivng 2 lovers repulsive in a family envrionment its almost disgusting and what kind of morals are you teachin the kid thats the prolly worst morals ive ever seen and im not gonna stand idly by here an not speak my mind about it

MissConstrue
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31 Aug 2008, 2:07 pm

I also have to ask why you were a lesbian before getting in a relationship with your husband or are you bisexual?

I'm for gay and lesbian rights but this just sounds all chaotic and doesn't sound like there isn't any real relationship going on here except fooling around?

Double bad for your kid because it's not a healthy or stable environment not just b/c of your preferences but I have to agree with protossX it's pretty selfish putting your "needs" first and not your kid's.

I grew up in a chaotic family nothing that had anything to do with polygamy or polyamory but it was unstable with all the strangers that would come over plus alcoholism. It's not what you would call a real family.

If this is what you're doing outside your family, then why even bring it up?

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MissConstrue
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31 Aug 2008, 2:13 pm

Flismflop wrote:

"Polyamory"? Can someone give some examples that I might recognise?

Polyandry- Having more than one husband. Polygamy is the same thing only with wives instead of husbands.

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KingChaosNinja
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31 Aug 2008, 2:16 pm

I would vote for digression. I know there is a vast difference between polyamory and swinger parties, but the whole keys in the fishbowl on the down low may be for the best.

However, I'd also like to discourage future use of direct insults and outright berating of peoples opinions and lifestyles. While I don't personally agree with it, I have no logical grounds to deny it. If someone is asking for genuine help and opinions, there is no need to speak hostilely. I would recommend that everyone speak with civil tongs in the future, that's all there is room for here. We don't have to agree, but we do have to get along.

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31 Aug 2008, 3:28 pm

I don't presume this is a genuine post, peeps. It's post #1. just seems bogus to me.

AnonymousAnonymous
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31 Aug 2008, 4:53 pm

Do it in the privacy of your own bedroom.

If your son walks in on you doing it
with another person, he will understand.

There is no problem with you & your husband having polyamory.

How clueless is your son?

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31 Aug 2008, 5:13 pm

It's funny that a polyamorist would ask for advice on a forum where most people have a hard enough time getting ONE significant other, let alone several.

psych
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31 Aug 2008, 7:10 pm

Nan wrote:

I'd say nothing until you actually find the person you intend to have join your household.

^ This. From the little youve said, i get the impression youve raised a healthy young man without having programmed/indoctrinated into him very much in the various societal norms (note: this is a good thing!).

Therefore, assuming that polyamory is indeed the right and suitable option (this is a matter for your conscience, not mine) hes not likely to find it upsetting, its more a question of his environment changing and new people that will be introduced to it.

How to explain it? if its no big deal, just spit it out. Worrying about the response implies you feel guilty or harbour doubt (in which case maybe its not the 'right' path & you need to rethink the whole thing).

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31 Aug 2008, 9:36 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

^ it's just a synonym of open relationship

Polyamory can be a closed relationship with three or more people too.

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31 Aug 2008, 9:37 pm

MissConstrue wrote:

Flismflop wrote:

"Polyamory"? Can someone give some examples that I might recognise?

Polyandry- Having more than one husband. Polygamy is the same thing only with wives instead of husbands.

Some confusion there.

Polyandry = Many husbands
Polygyny = Many wives
Polygamy = More than one marriage
Polyamory = More than one relationship

MissConstrue
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31 Aug 2008, 10:01 pm

^So this isn't anything serious.

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KingChaosNinja
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31 Aug 2008, 10:11 pm

Yeah I vote it's time to let this one die.

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31 Aug 2008, 10:26 pm

coltonsmom91 wrote:

I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, but, here it goes anyway. I have a wonderful 17 year old son with Asperger's. I also have a wonderful husband of 6 years. My husband and I have looked into polyamory and, for us, feel it would be a good thing. Before we even start looking for our "significant other", there is one thing we are concerned about, explaining it to my son. I mean, my son has been exposed to all different types of families (gay, lesbian, trans, etc.). I was in a lesbian relationship before meeting my husband. She was, and still is, his other mom. The only family type he hasn't been exposed to is a polyamorous family. He is very family oriented and very loving and accepting of everyone. We attend a primarily gay and lesbian church and he absolutely loves everyone there! The question is, how do we explain this to him? I mean, we're not going to spring it on him. Any ideas?
Thanks!

Your son is almost a legal adult, although you do not mention how his diagnosis impacts him - I will assume a mild/moderate affect in social comprehension for the sake of discussion. Given his previous experience with non-typical relationships, this would appear to simple be an evolution of the definition. Has he had issues in comprehension of familial dynamics in previous situations? First thoughts... wait until he is on his own to pursue this avenue, or explain it as another form of relationship that you and your husband are choosing to explore. Don't beat around the bush, and don't try to couch it as other things.

M.

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Postperson
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31 Aug 2008, 10:43 pm

I think it's time to let this one die too.

EnglishLulu
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01 Sep 2008, 7:11 pm

ProtossX wrote:

Blimey, if you were in the UK I'd assume you were a rabid Daily Mail reader. But you're not, so what's your justification for being so harsh and judgemental?

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01 Sep 2008, 7:13 pm

It sounds like something out of a John Waters movie, do you think the OP is from Baltimore?

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