Coming across as "creepy"

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Creepiness is a feeling a girl can get if you are not comfortable with a situation and/or are acting incongruently. For instance, if you try to talk about the weather with a girl and you are nervous, she will mirror that anxiousness.... This will come off creepy even though you're talking about something that isn't inherently creepy.

On the other hand, if you're completely confident with what you're doing, feeling, and saying, you can go up to a very beautiful girl and tell her that you find her cute and would like to get to know her. This is completely congruent with what you feel and if you don't broadcast insecurity, most girls will find it refreshing and respond quite well. You can vibe with her for a while and then get her number.

I see my landlord as the perfect definition of a creepy guy, for the simple reason that he's always sneaking around and acting all apologetic and unsure of himself. It makes me nervous. Also, when he wants to talk to me, he kind of follows me around until I take notice of him, rather than being straightforward. It has nothing to do with sex or attraction, IMO, it's just how you portray yourself. If you're confident and straight forward, you won't be seen as a creep (you might still be a jerk, but hey).

One issue I have which might be a major handicap is that in the company of other people who I don't know very well I often don't have much to say. So if I don't have much to tell them there may just be awkward silence. I'm not sure if that's necessarily because I'm shy or lacking in confidence, more just plain stupid when it comes to starting conversation.

Excuse me for the generalization but arguably people with ASDs are 'creepy' by definition. You need to avoid being anxious about it at all costs because the only way you can learn to communicate effectively with females is through practice until it becomes second nature. To be brutally honest, if you have this hang-up already the majority of women you meet WILL think you're creepy, but it helps to keep reminding yourself that the majority of women are superficial beings with short-concentration spans and probably won't remember you tomorrow. As long as you keep talking to all kinds of people you open yourself up to meeting women who won't see 'creepiness' but quirkiness and character instead.

I am sure aspie women have moments where they feel awkward or creepy. I know I do, that why I love vampires.

Creepy has a different interpretation per person. I would not try to adapt your way of acting in any case, that usually makes very little sense. Be the person who you really are, and let the others judge your creepyness. Some may find you creepy, granted some will find you attractive for the same reasons as some others may find you creepy. Being yourself is still the best formula in social situations.

PS why is it creepy to only talk to the girl you find attractive and not to others in the room? I mean, if you are after romance, it is quite normal you will be more keen to talk to potential partners than to a guy purely for the sake he may have an attractive cousin or so. I don't see anything creepy in this. When I think of the word creepy I would more think of things like unwanted physical contact, between-the-lines sexual remarks, sleezy talk, etc.

It's only creepy if the guy isn't attractive enough , but if the guy is hot then hell no, he's socially straight forward and confident.

Based on your posts , I find you creepy ,to be honest.

I don't know, but things such as "we could go to my home later on tonight, it is not far from that little alley down the road" could come across as if you intend to sexually harass the girl. No matter how hot, she will be a bit awkward (although granted, some will accept the offer in the end)

If a girl, even if she is very attractive, approaches me with stuff like "are you looking for girls tonight?" I usually get suspicious. Maybe for the wrong reasons, but it immediately sounds like she is looking for more casual pleasure (or paid pleasure) rather than the romance I am looking for.

I'm not pretending to be someone else, just looking for anything I have to improve on.

I think there might be some true in it, creepiness is in the eye of the beholder, it seems.

Sometimes I can't help but overhear someone talking about them thinking someone is creepy. Almost without fail, the people they are talking about are quite physically unattractive.

If they are not hideous but still considered creepy they are people who are obviously nervous around others in my experience.

if an attractive guy is nervous then he's such a cute hot meat, if he's an unattractive guy then he's such an unsecured creepy loser and potential rapist.

The point is .... believe it or not, people's judgments can be 180 degree affected by the looks.

You're very right to be suspicious -- any woman that forward is either a prostitute, crazy, or maybe not really a woman (think "It's a Man, baby!") She clearly wants something from you, as that is a very un-female way to approach a guy. In the case of guy on guy (gay guys), it's more common, but not in heterosexual male/female relationships that don't involve money changing hands.

I think these rules seem to apply to the "what is creepy" function --

Too quiet (anyone except a guy a girl really crushes on) --creepy
Watches too much, but never talks to her -- creepy
Watches the body too much (eyes drifting to leg, bust, crotch), esp. when talking to her -- creepy
Too interested in sex (and she's not interested in him, or just barely) -- creepy


But yeah, I think popular guys get a pass on some of this stuff, and guys that girls are interested in can end up just being "mysterious" if they are quiet instead of creepy. Handsome guys don't always get a pass though -- I know of plenty of handsome guys who didn't have the nice personality to back it up, or did something else that was considered disingenuous, and were considered creepy.

I've even been macked on by girls at work, and then found out they found me "creepy," probably because I turned them down or didn't choose them when I cheated on the person I was with. So I'm creepy for cheating (valid point), but then that same girl cheated later with someone else who found her acceptable (that guy told me later she called me "creepy").

But yeah, seeming too interested in a girl, following her around, bothering her when she's not interested, or seeming very willing to cheat on your wife or GF -- definitely creepy.

Well spoken. I've found the same thing and yes, it's all about congruence. Creepiness is the uneasy vibe that a girl gets from a guy who just doesn't seem right somehow.

If he's subdued & quiet, yet he approaches a girl; that's creepy. It just doesn't make sense for a wallflower to do. Something is out of place.

If a guy is too forward about sex, that's creepy. It's against society's rules to be like that. Someone who doesn't know this is not right. (some guys can pull it off by being loud jerks though, because it's congruent)

If a guy stares & doesn't strike up a conversation, that's creepy. He's obviously interested, but why isn't he talking? Again, something isn't right.

The best way to avoid being preceived as creepy is to be deliberate & quick in your actions. Just as someone who's truly being themselves would naturally be.