The UPSIDE to Valentine's Day

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You like Taylor Swift too. Which song was it?

Love Story.

the upside to valentines day is that is only lasts one day.

my girlfriend came over and she is very feminine and likes romantic things. in her room at her house (she lives with her parents) she has lava lamps and pictures on the wall and statues on little tables that have no other purpose but to stand statues on . she has incense sticks and rugs and dolls and teddies and puppets etc.
she does not live with me although she very much wants to. i can not give up my solitude for anything and i am very cold as a person. i can devote no more than about 16 hours per week to being with people (and i must like them much to spend that much time).
she is very "romantic".
she likes to cuddle and stuff.

i tell her frequently that she should look for a romantic man who can give her what i can not. i do not want to be the reason she never finds love. she is stuck on me and we have been together for 10 years now. she says she does not care that i am not inclined to affection, but i think she must.

so she wanted me to go to her house for valentines night because her room is soothing and moodily romantic. i refused and said she can come to my house. she tried to convince me that the romantic atmosphere of her room would make me be what she always wanted on this valentines night.
i refused because the thought of that environment is like being locked in solitary confinement of my mind. i am cerebral to a degree that i like to stand and walk around and orate, as i need to keep venting the pressure of ideas in my head.
her parents are very flusterable by overhearing my ambit comments as well and that adds to the problem. also, she has no computer or excellent sound system (she has a simple cd player and small speakers). i could not help but refuse to spend the night there.

so she came to my house. in my house, there is no romantic anything. the lights are all just stark white, and there are no pictures on any walls, and there is no statues or any other decorations of any kind. on all my tables, there is only wires and componentry and gadgets i am working on and papers etc. but i have much forms of entertainment like a simple sound studio (excellent sound quality with instruments we can play) and of course computers that we can watch through a large screen and we can trawl for all sorts of interesting things.

i like to stand up when i am having fun, and i have a little podium thing where i most often stand and write my ideas on paper when i am alone. i like to stand up but lean on the podium, and it faces out the window so my back is usually turned to the people in my company. when tammy comes over, we start talking and i mostly go to the podium and rest my elbows on it and look outside as i speak to her.
she tolerates this eternally, and i feel bad about how much she forgives in me.
so there is 2 days of the year when where she expects i MUST be romantic.
they are her birthday (anniversary of her birthday that is) and valentines day.

last night was simply the same as every other night because i can not be romantic. i leaned on the podium and talked about a song i was going to show her that i composed and i was explaining the preamble, and then i felt a hand grabbing my backside. i nearly pushed the podium over in fright (i was looking out the window at the time), and i felt mildly annoyed that she could just abort my already 3 minute long sentence introducing what i was going to play on the piano with a simple "butt squeeze".

anyway, i decided i would not play the piece for her (i wrote it for her and it was as heart felt as i could make it, but i am not much more than a robot really in a lot of ways).
she wanted to go to bed but i was not tired so i said goodnight to her.
she wanted me to come to bed too. i refused as i was not tired and i hate lying still in the darkness when i am not tired.

so she said she would stay up with me. she is very sweet as i realize now, and i feel not guilt, but a similar feeling of hmmmm...regret maybe that her heart is not being nourished by me. i am too bossy and i have nothing to offer her romantically, yet she has never felt closer to anyone else than to me.

so she stayed up and pulled a dvd out of her purse. she said let's watch a movie. oh god no. what movie?
it was "the notebook". i had to watch it and it went for 3 hours and it was tortuous to pay attention to. i calculated that the people in the story being told to the lady with alzheimers by the old man were really the old man and the alzheimic woman and i said it to tammy and she said "shhhh. you have to watch it 'till the end".

but i did not need to see the rest of it because i already knew the punch line.
i still tried to do something for tammy at least by watching the movie.
but i could not follow the scenes with relaxation.

in one scene, there is shots between faces talking in a garden. in the first part of the scene, the shadows of the trees are at an angle i registered. in the second part of the scene, the shadows were quite advanced indicating at least 50 minutes had elapsed between her question and his reply.

i blurted out "he must be a moron if he took that long to think of what to say, and she must be desperate to wait that long for his answer".
i was bored and wanted to joke a bit but she said "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !! !! !!",

i desisted to comment and watched further but there were so many scenes that displayed hilarious discontinuity that i regularly snorted trying to suppress laughter.
positions of hairs on their heads between "same scene" shots changing, and cloud formations in the sky filmed behind peoples talking heads dissappearing when they are are shown replying 6 seconds later etc. are funny to me. they are goofy oversights.

tammy squinted at me as if she was cranky when i laughed. she kept saying for me to listen to what they are saying.

oh well we eventually went to bed when it was over and i took her home at 12:30pm today and when i got home i felt like a previously trapped eagle who can now fly where i choose.

there is no upside for valentines day for me.

valentines day the worst day ever for me now from the end of time

The same can be said of my now-fiancée's room, in the old house in Seattle where she lives. I miss the books, the teddy bears, the dark dressing table. (Although not the blocked basin.)

Yesterday she sent me a really sweet Valentine's Day e-card. I loved it, and still get choked up if I look at it. This Valentine's Day's been one with a (favourable) difference!

it was just "standard issue" for me.

Nothing in my life is standard-issue.

then maybe everything in your life is an exceptional issue.

different strokes.

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Last edited by BPalmer on 21 Feb 2009, 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

This song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4xmxb9K8RI It's one of my favourites. It is really beautiful. I'm happy some one else likes her. I was harshly critises by a member on WP for liking her.

Annoying Polyamory girl here...

I got to see both my boyfriends on valentines day. That was great because I didn't expect to be able to see my second partner.

We had our V-day on Thursday. We played an open mic, I bought us Thai food, we got silly at a bar, went to his house and watched a Roxy music video...(one of his current obsessions) I gave him some chocolates and a bath pillow for his tub and a tin-can and bottlecap reversible doll that I made.

On Friday the 13th, my band played at an art opening and I had a meltdown afterwards...

On valentine's day I made breakfast for everyone in the house.
I went out to dinner with Flakey at our favorite Chinese place...they always go all out for holidays, and they passed out heart-shaped boxes of hershey's kisses to all the ladies.
We went home, and spent the evening playing music with our friends.

I called my other partner who had had a bad day and was cranky and depressed, and I asked for Flakey's permission to invite him over and he let me...so we all got to spend the evening recording silly improv music on our stage for several hours.

It was fun.

I enjoy having "collective" events for silly holidays like this one.
For two years in a row, back when I was obsessively organizing theme shows, I had a Valentine's themed concert with several bands.
One was a silly old-fashioned "Valentine's Dance" and one was a very special tribute the the letter X for all the eXes that people have...and all the bands had to cover bands that had the letter X in their name...like X and X-ray Spex and Roxy Music and so on...and people had lots of fun.

We got our times messed up when we was supposed to meet but it worked out.

I loved that story, thanks. She sounds great, and your film commentary was hilarious. I also love how you have a podium for writing in your room (I know how sarcasm is even more disguised over the internet, but I'm sincere).

Yeah, I love that song.

The upside is that it is over for this year.