Social Proof

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HEY! I actually enjoy American Idol!

It doesn't necessarily mean you have to act fake. You can try and genuinely befriend other people and learn to be more adept at socializing (being more adept at socializing doesn't mean being "fake", it just means learning to read people better and knowing more about social context).

You don't have to be fake yourself, but you definitely have to fake an interest to make small talk. When it comes to socializing with new people, as far as my experience goes, small talk is required. This is something that I find totally uninteresting, so, in order to pursue it, I need to fake being interested.

That's why for many years, I didn't have a partner. I couldn't meet anyone who didn't like those things, so I stayed alone.

I have been forced to go to parties in my life, since I came from a family that believed in forced socialization, so I'd go, sit like a bump on a log, then go home. Only when I moved out on my own was I finally free to stay home.

Woops! Sorry, i was just generalizing. I said that because everybody I work with, or talk to, seems to love that show.

QFT. Another excample is people say I should go to a club and dance with the girls. I HATE to dance. So why would I pretend to like it? If I do that, then the women I meet there will think I like to do that all the time. Its not me. Its being dishonest to both me and her. I'd be unhappy knowing i'm being fake, she would be unhappy knowing i'm not the type of guy she first thought I was.

And underestimating the power of blatant flattery



Exactly the same happened to me. I always felt worse after, too. We and others just have to accept that introverts to not get positive feelings from such gatherings.


I guess these would be with her family If only because in my LTR, my partner would often resist going to anything that involved my family as she found it 'uncomfortable'. Of course she could then throw up a smoke screen of verbose verbalisation verbiage to justify her discomfort yet negate mine. Now, where was I????



Yes, the only social gatherings I could ever claim to enjoy (not just 'suffer) are smaller ones. It is especially hard when you are in a relationship and not able to manage your social life to your needs. Since being separated. I'm sure that a big part of not being depressed anymore is being able to manage a barely visible social life that suits me and not filling every spare moment with 'gatherings' and 'events'.

It's interesting that we can enjoy smaller gatherings, it shows we are not totall anti-social outcasts. The problem is that we've been following somebody elses rules, doing what makes others happy and negating ourselves. Ironic that we then get accused of being 'self absorbed'.

Going back to the original 'research', I'd say they've got cause and effect upside down (as usual) . It's not being smiled at that makes you attractive, it's being attractive that makes people smile at you.



A strategy whose success rate soars with a liberal sprinkling of sharp glass and metal on the road outside your house and a sign pointing at your door that says "Tire Changing Service".

That's the problem with society, everybody lies, to themselves, and others, and then they wonder why they never find the right person. If you are lying just to get laid, then by all means, go for it.