What type of man do you not want?

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wefunction:
Maybe, but part of the problem that I see is that you don't get to be CEO - or indeed "successful" - without being willing to ride rougshod over everything that gets in the way. How often do you hear of "successful" people who allowed things - or people - to get in the way? This is why (look it up) there is a correlation between success in business and sociopathy (what they used to call psychopathy).

I have a strong suspicion you can be a nice person or you can have the chance of "success" (bear in mind many less nice people are also not successful, but the successful ones are almost invariably not nice: the ones who seem otherwise are probably just better at hiding it!).

Women tend to look for "successful" men, for obvious reasons, but at the cost of the risk of being in a relationship with a man whose mentality allows him to ride roughshod over her (i.e., put her in an abusive relationship). The attraction to rough sex may well come from a subconscious awareness that the male in the relationship is capable of being rough, and therefore capable of being successful.

I'll mention in passing the women who are also capable of being "successful", but such women are also best avoided, as they are also likely to put a partner in an abusive relationship for the same reasons.

Maybe I could be "successful", but at the cost of being me.

Given the choice, I think that being me, and probably not being successful, and probably being single, is better.

In the unlikely event that I meet someone who actually values me for me - gentle, honest (to a fault!) and so on, who shares my interests in wildlife and the outdoors, the latter bit might change. If having a chance (no guarantees, let's face it) of being "successful" requires me to be a bast@rd, and overcoming my aversion to risking hurting a partner in bed or anywhere else, I'd rather not be successful, and I'd rather hang out with the bees.

If you define "success" (in the material sense) as "rising to the top of the corporate heirarchy" then you are absolutely correct.

I don't, I just want the money - and you don't have to be the least bit sociopathic to achieve success on this basis.

I have a client who is 80 years old, a CEO who built a billion-dollar public company, he has a net worth of probably around $50M and has probably not needed to work a day since he was in mid-40s.

Yet he still goes to work every day and has to act like he's a "bigshot", no real friends, no real respect, he just craves having "status" - and he is probably the least successful person I know, even his secretary jokes about him behind his back...

Next excuse...

I think I define "successful" different than you do, Niall. And I mentioned CEO because jamieboy mentioned CEO. If that's a goal of his, he could get there. If his goal is to do a job that he loves, he get there, too. Either way, he'd be successful because he met his goal. I definitely know women honor that and find it very attractive.

Sometimes, it's an interesting dynamic when two people feed off of each other to become better people.

Say she's got her crap together and considers jamieboy irresistibly cute. There's chemistry and whatnot. They go out and end up falling in love. She's not wild about him not having a job but she knows him and knows he's capable of it because she's listened to him talk about his interests and dreams. She supports him and encourages him to pursue what makes him happy. He feels supported and loved and, from that, he has the motivation and confidence to actually pursue what makes him happy, whereas before he felt intimidated and unworthy. The more success he experiences from his own abilities, the greater his confidence and courage will become. He might even survive some inevitable setbacks or failures because he has accomplishments and still has the support of this girlfriend. So, she sees him for who he is and, from that, he ends up being someone that any woman would walk on fire to get next to. He doesn't have to earn a lot of money or be that CEO. He just has to be happy with who he is, set those goals and work hard to meet them.

And I don't mean this in a "anybody can do it"/"NT and AS are in the same boat" way. I mean this in a "if AS makes it impossible, he'll find a way to work around it so it is possible another way" because, as aspies, that's what we do to survive and achieve. A lot of times, we need help. This happens. It's very possible.

"Look out b*****s. I'm a CEO and i rule you now! lol"

There's worse people to be than Paul Levy. He's the type of person I'd love to have dinner with because he's an intelligent and accomplished individual but I wouldn't go home with him because I'm not attracted to him. (Not that he cares! lol)

One who tells me what to do and puts pressure and stress on me to get to something.That will annoy me like few other things can.

I don't want any kind of guy. I want a soulmate. I don't want the typical sex crazy ape-boy (this IS the type of guy a young girl like me usually has to deal with, i'm not trying to generalize every single male). I want the man who will adore me as much as I adore him. I put 100% into my relationships and I'm just waiting for the guy who will give 100% back, because he wants to and because he loves me.

Someone who understands my quirks and wants to help. It's fine if he even has the problems I do, as long as we can help each other.
I don't want someone angry or who thinks they are better than others.

I am pretty much like a puppy.. loyal, compassionate, and always by your side. When you're gone, I miss you and I'm ecstatic when you return. I don't want a guy who won't appreciate that.

Outward appearance means very little to me.

Last edited by V10L3T on 10 Mar 2011, 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Laz

The very essence of illegitimate arse cancer

It needs to be said this is quite beautiful to read.

Just replace every instance of "boy" or "guy" with "girl", and that's what I want in my special someone...

If you did that, "male" and "man" would still be in there.

double post

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 10 Mar 2011, 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Okay, those too... the point is you can do one giant ctrl-r and make her statement mine.

I never wanted a soul mate. I do not want to be 100% responsible for my partner's happiness, and that's what happens when you hook up with a 'soul mate'.

Not that I believe soul mates exist. I think they're a silly fantasy made and perpetrated by romance novels and films.

Me, too. I think it's a lovely fantasy, though, and I wish it was true.

I believe in soul mates, I also believe you have a lot of them, not just one, maybe not even just 100. If you're married it's likely your partner is one of your soul mates. You live learn, love and grow with each other.