Why you can't get a date

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Fireblossom
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17 Oct 2017, 6:11 am

The Abdominal Snowman wrote:

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Even if you both wash your own plates, who washes the things used for cooking?

Really?

Yes, really. I know that it isn't a big job and neither is washing the toilet, washing the floors etc. (assuming the house/apartment isn't huge) but if only one person has to always do these little things then I wouldn't call it fair unless he/she is only at home/works outside of home way less and brings less income than the other, but even then it has to be an agreement; the one who is at home less shouldn't just assume the other handles all the housework. Of course, if a couple makes a deal that these things will always be the job of one person even though both of them work then I won't judge, but it has to be an agreement, not something that the other one just decides. One can't just assume that their partner will do it simply because she/he is better at housework, the mess bothers the other one more etc. I can only speak on my own behalf of course, but I wouldn't live with a man who'd refuse to discuss these things and make a proper plan on how to divide responsibility over our living space. I know compromises need to be made in a relationship and am of course ready for it, but I'm pretty sure everyone has something they're not willing to change or give up on. In my case that something is creating proper rules.

Closet Genious
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17 Oct 2017, 6:16 am

The way I look at it, if both contribute equally ecomically, the most fair thing would be to contribute equally to household duties.

If one pays all the bills, the other should do all the housework.

The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Oct 2017, 6:18 am

Closet Genious wrote:

If one pays all the bills, the other should do all the housework.

Does this include weekend housework?

SilverBoltsisWmax
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17 Oct 2017, 6:29 am

You know this whole thread is kinda pointless. Sly and whoever else, if you really want a girl who is loyal, and does traditional things, just go down the redpill path. It's pretty much 100% gonna work provided you don't get oneitis, or have ethical standards when it comes to game.

I have female friends who admit how good it is. I just can't use it because it makes me think less of humanity.

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hurtloam
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17 Oct 2017, 7:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

sly279 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

sly279 wrote:

Chronos wrote:

The "value" of women created by the demand for them by men is not necessarily value that imparts any power to the woman with respect to increasing her freedom. In a broad sense, it seems to decrease her freedom.

Really doubt a lot of women would want to have most or all men avoid them and say they ugly. A lot of women enjoy male attention and being valued by a lot of men.
In western civilization women are very much free and in my opinion hole more power over men. I don’t ever see a woman need to ask her husband for permission to buy something with money she worked for. Yet it’s very very common for men to need to get permission

That's not true. They really both should discuss larger purchase at least to make sure there's enough money left over for important things. Imagine they both make a purchase that month, don't realise the other has bought something too and then there's no money left for the electric bill.

I work retail and never had a woman say she has to ask permission to buy something, they just come in and buy it. Men go and get their wife/gf or call them. Then say she said no, sorry.

^ This is very very very true. This is a real life example we see everyday, not WP idealist unrealistic talk that isn't in touch with reality, even my parents are like this.

Women never call men to ask if they can buy something.

Nope. Never is the wrong word. My sister calls her husband to see if she should buy stuff or not when we go shopping. Not everything, just big things.

They have a good relationship though and do communicate well with each other.

I would too because I see how that works for them. Plus my earlier point about the making sure you're both not making a big purchase at the same time.

I do know pushy women. I know they exist. But there's reasonable women out there too.

RetroGamer87
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17 Oct 2017, 9:02 am

Closet Genious wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

This thing with telling people to "be more confident" pisses me off. I don't think that's how it works, I don't think anyone can fake confidence for very long.

I think confidence is a natural by product of doing well in life.

Faking anything doesn't work. It's not until you actually don't care you give off a vibe you're a force to be reckoned with.

So the secret of getting true confidence is not caring?

A big No.

So you think caring how women reject you or don't respond to you helps? It doesn't. Want to give them the power?
Let it upset you. Although that Swedish guy seems like a massive mens rights activist, he has a point.

I take it that's meant to be an insult lol.
Well, even though I live in a country where the mainstream media constantly demonizes men, and acts extremely condescending towards us, you won't see me parading the streets anytime soon, I think that's a complete waste of time.

All I care about is accuracy, and getting in touch with reality. We're a whole generation of men who have grown up without our fathers, and I think a result of that is that men see eachother as enemies, and walk around kissing the asses of women. Who's to blame for that I won't get into, I think that's rather complicated. But if men could strengten their bonds with eachother, and stop throwing themselves under the bus for the sake of women, that would achieve alot more than any movement begging society for change. I am not advocating for female opression, but there is a serious lack of balance in the male perspective these days.

Whether that makes me extreme or not is up to you.

It didn't used to be an insult. It only became an insult after a lot of the MRAs started acting like the male version of SJWs.

I haven't paid much attention as of late, but as far as I know, atleast the MRA's tend to be fairly evidence based, where as feminists are not.

They used to be evidence based.

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RetroGamer87
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17 Oct 2017, 9:17 am

hale_bopp wrote:

sly279 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

sly279 wrote:

So you’d be fine paying half the mortgage of a house for 10+ years then getting kicked out and hey your names not on the mortgage.

Yes, if you don’t own a house, you pay rent to the house owner. That’s the way rent works. It’s also called paying your way.

Quote:

So you spent thousand and thousands and have nothing to show for it.

Like renting?

Quote:

I’d sooner rent a separate place then pay half of some woman’s house for her.

Yet you expect her to rent her space to you for free?

No one makes their partner pay half the mortgage unless it’s a fair rental price.

Agreed.

I don’t date my landlord. It’s a business transaction. But if you all wan come pay for my house I want go ahead, but don’t expect to live in it after it’s paid off :p you won’t find many men willing t help a lady buy a house he has no right to ownership for, but guess that’s yet another difference beymen and women. I also highly doubt most women will pay half a mans mortgage. They usually just live of said man for free and call themselves house wife’s, my brothers wife family, her dad pays everything her mom works too but she spends all her money info fun stuff just for her.

But that’s what we are discuss The Who’ll a man has t pay half of everything idea. Which means that lady who owns a house expects him to pay half of the mortgages. He said better off renting his own appartment that’ll be in his name and he won’t have to pay for repairs, and it’ll be cheaper. What incentive is there for men to spend all their hard earned mo ey ro pay half of so,e woman’s expensive house and belongings? Freak that

Yet another example of women seeing love and relationships as business transactions. Her bf is just her rentee and she’s the landlord, minuse the actual rental agreements and contracts and landlord responsibilities. Why don’t more landlords just date their tenants, they escape all legal processes :roll:

Would either of you pay half my mortgage if I owned a house? Half my $1000 fully loaded cable bill, half my lights on all the time electric bill? Or would you cry no I’m not paying for stuff I don’t need? Cause I bet you wouldn’t , yet you stand here says no guys should. See the difference between this and most couples is most couples rent together, they don’t rent s spot in the others house. If she wants to keep her house then my share will need to be negotiated and it won’t be half. Otherwise we can get s new place together that’s in both our budgets. I’m not asking anymore then I’d do if it was the other way around. I wouldn’t ask rent from s gf, just that she cover her expensive so I don’t have additional costs from her living with me.

As for people who outright own their house, why should their bf pay them rent?
Really sounds like you two want tenants not bfs. That’s not how relationships work, probably why both spouses usually give up bother their places and find s new one together.

Women seem to have issue where they presume all guys are freeloaders but women have mooched off and freeloaded off men for thousands of years and deem it still ok to do so today. Yet if some guy doesn’t pay half he’s a freeloader, but many women in relationships don’t pay a single cent and it’s fine. Some equality :roll:

Maybe couples shouldn’t live together and just only meet in public spaces then go home to their separate homes.

Oh ok. So when a women lives in a house man owns, it’s freeloading, but when you live in a house a woman owns, you offer love and companionship? Right.

Did you even read my post? Unless you’re married, you generally pay your fair share of rent. Not half a mortgage. Your fair share of rent. If I had a 600 dollar per week mortgage and a partner wanted to live with me, I’d probably ask for $200 per week, as I’m not married and it’s my asset. If I was married, my things are their things so they wouldn’t pay. If they had nothing themselves I would get a prenup to protect my assets if I got divorced, which IS what a lot of men do if their wife has no job or no way of contributing financially to the marriage. You pay what you would pay living elsewhere, doesn’t matter what your gender is. Two people are living under one roof, they both contribute. You’re not joined at the hip. You are two people paying for space.

Houses are expensive. It’s not 1950. Both sides of a couple have to contribute to rent or it’s too expensive.

Also, unless you’re married, people buy their own belongings.

It doesn’t matter who buys them if you’re married, as if you split, you each get half.

People don’t buy cars for people they’re not married to. That’s ridiculous. There is no financial security. If anyone is stupid enough to then they deserve to lose it. It’s completely different to renting living space.

You’re not making any sense. You have some weird ideas about the way the world works. Of corse I pay for lights and internet I don’t use. Because in flats, you share expenses. That’s the way life works when you live with people. If they leave lights on all day for no reason, you ask them if they would mind turning them off please. You don’t have a tantrum and refuse to pay the bill like a baby.

Who owns a house at 30 anyway? How cheap are houses in America? Is it that easy? You need at least $250000 as a deposit here before you can even think about owning one. To have one with no debt you have to be a millionaire.

I know several people under 30 who own houses.

I'm not one of them because I made bad choices with my money

Wow, you need $250000 just for the deposit? Over here just $25000 would be enough.

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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2017, 9:19 am

I own a home jointly with my wife---we didn't "own" it until February of 2017. I'm 56; my wife is 69.

You have a long time, RetroGamer.

In fact, except for a brief period, I rented exclusively from 1981 to 2010.

RetroGamer87
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17 Oct 2017, 9:22 am

hale_bopp wrote:

As a female who has battled suicide and abusive men some of this is really hard to stomach. I’m still getting therapy for it 10 years later.

It really sounds like your opinions are formed from lack of life experience and little else.

Also, if you hate loud noises, how can you go to a gym? It’s the loudest, clankiest most echoing places ever.

Outrider wrote:

What's hard to stomach?

And, home gym...

And, the older, far more experienced men here are agreeing with some of what I say.

Different people's experiences never line up. That's to be expected.

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RetroGamer87
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17 Oct 2017, 9:27 am

DW_a_mom wrote:

The reality is that now isn't the time to think about relationships. While one of the beautiful things about relationships is that two broken people will find acceptance with each other (most people are broken in one way or another, some just hide it better), broken can also mean you aren't in the right life space to be able to sustain a relationship.

Maybe that applies to me. My relationships usually start well because I show them my best side. But when they get close to me, when they see my low self-esteem, when they see how broken I am, they're always repulsed.

I guess I don't blame them. It's hard to love someone who hates himself.

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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2017, 9:27 am

Generally, they ask for 10 or 20 percent of the value of a house as a deposit.

There are many areas in the US, especially in the Southern states, where houses are consistently below $200,000 even in relatively "nice" areas.

In NYC, on the other hand, a $1 Million house is not all that unusual. Many houses in a nice area of outer Queens are like $700,000-$800,000.

RetroGamer87
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17 Oct 2017, 9:32 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Yeah, I should try to stop worrying about which of the 26 year olds at work bought a house and how I might have done the same.

No wonder it took you until 56, you live in NYC so it probably cost you a fortune to buy a house.

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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2017, 9:33 am

Our co-op is only $195,000.

Outrider
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17 Oct 2017, 9:50 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Outrider wrote:

What's hard to stomach?

And, home gym...

And, the older, far more experienced men here are agreeing with some of what I say.

Different people's experiences never line up. That's to be expected.

Yeah Hale.Bopp.his said.some.things like "You have weird vies on the world/women" to me and Sly as if that makes us wrong when everyone's experiences are different and.not.necessarily right or wrong.

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17 Oct 2017, 10:01 am

I own my house, which means I hold title to it and not a mortgage company. I have a lot more spending money now that I don't have to make rent or mortgage payments.

The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Oct 2017, 10:19 am

DW_a_mom wrote:

It's all about the kids. If the wife is going to be the primary childcare giver, she will expect her husband to be the primary breadwinner. If neither wants kids, or the husband is a great caregiver, expectations are going to be different.

No two people are a statistic. Or an article. YOUR LIFE IS NOT A GENERALIZATION. When you let those things rule your expectations and goals, you will never get what you want.

My husband and the best man at our wedding used to joke about each having proposed to a woman who made significantly more money than they did, but having married one that made less. In both cases work situations changed during the engagement. In his best man's case, she changed careers and eventually went back to making more. He became primary caregiver for the kids. In my case, I was the victim of a restructuring, and both my husband and I agreed that since we wanted kids anyway I would convert to consulting work.

I dated and said "yes" to a man who making a decent amount less than I did. I adjusted my lifestyle after marriage accordingly. No one is a statistic. When you all highlight and complain about things like this it honestly frustrates me. You are TRYING to defeat yourself. WHY?

Serious question: How did you learn about your husband's salary (before marrying him)?

Did you go by like: "Hey, it's time to tell me how much you make"

I've been in a relationshop for 6~ months and this subject was never mentioned before; not even a hint on that matter from any of us (yet our relationship isn't leading to marriage).

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