90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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mjs82
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02 Jan 2010, 11:51 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

mjs82 wrote:

I tend to take things a bit literally at times - I imagine I'm not alone in that. So understanding the nuances of flirting and subtext is hard. I tend to get it afterwards - but that's after I've analysed it to death. That's why I've generally started relationships with people I already knew. Most of the heavy lifting was done. The problem is I just don't know that many people any more so I can't fall back on that now.

I get your problem. I used to use social networks like Facebook and Instant Messaging programs like ICQ and MSN to meet women. The lack of non-verbal communication made it much easier to get women to like me which made a first date pretty hard to fail whenever I got to know someone well enough to arrange one.

Other than that, I wouldn't know what to do. I tried and failed at picking them up at bars... and I don't know any single straight women among the people I usually hang out with.

Not sure if bars are the best places to find women. Remember what he says in Superbad. You have to go to like a Pottery Expo or something...

Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 12:51 pm

mjs82 wrote:

Not sure if bars are the best places to find women. Remember what he says in Superbad. You have to go to like a Pottery Expo or something...

... and expect to find remotely interesting 20-something women there?! Seriously?!

TheMidnightJudge
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03 Jan 2010, 2:06 am

Where are these facts coming from? Sounds like BS to me, especially considering the variance on the spectrum and the various examples of successful relationships with autistic people. I understand if you're just pointing out tendancies, but if you're saying percents, you should be able to back it up. (Sorry if I just missed a citation or something.)

Still I see what you're saying in a way. I think aspies can succeed romantically more often than your post suggests. But it's hard for us, and some might say, not worth it.

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Sometimes it really hurts when you think of all the missed oportunities we half of a time didn't even notice afterwards....

One of my biggest fantasies used to be that I could just go back in time and do over highschool with my current knowledge. I don't know if it would go the way I imagine it, probably a lot worse than what I imagine, but it'd be a hell of a lot better then the four year fail streak (on the dating front) I have to live with now.

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Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 6:01 am

TheMidnightJudge wrote:

Maybe it depends on the definition of the word "date" and how to get it. After recently failing yet again to pick up a woman at a bar, I came to realise that maybe the only way I simply can flirt with a woman succesfully is online. Thusfar that worked several times, whereas picking one up at a bar never worked. We should all share our experiences on how we did get a succesful date and maybe we can all learn from those experiences....

TheMidnightJudge wrote:

You're probably be incredibly disappointed and end up more depressed than you were before because you come to realise that you haven't changed as much as you like to believe. There is nothing more difficult for us than picking up a woman (even job interviews are child's play in comparison).

b9
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03 Jan 2010, 11:29 am

by the way i was not serious in my previous post.

Snazzlestick
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03 Jan 2010, 11:31 am

I can't understand why Aspies think they're so undateable.

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Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 11:53 am

Snazzlestick wrote:

I can't understand why Aspies think they're so undateable.

... because most women are totally turned off by many of the typical Aspie traits.

I guess you're one of the exceptions. In my life the few women I did manage to get interested in me and get into a relationship with all graduately lost interest as they became more familiar with my Aspie traits.

Lonermutant
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03 Jan 2010, 12:06 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Snazzlestick wrote:

I can't understand why Aspies think they're so undateable.

Because we rarely have an education?

MissConstrue
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03 Jan 2010, 12:09 pm

Snazzlestick wrote:

I can't understand why Aspies think they're so undateable.

Think?

Many of us are it seems.

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Rocker82
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03 Jan 2010, 12:15 pm

I'm 27(turning 28 in February)and never had a girlfriend.I don't agree that 90% of aspies don't get a date.Us individuals with AS find it hard to know the cues if a person is interested in us.I can tell one thing of men who never dated:they get ridiculed by their male peers!When a woman whose never had a girlfriend,they get sympathy and compassion.I do have female acquaintances to set me up on a date with their female friends,but their too selfish!The best way is on your own,be courageous and talk to the ladies.Or men with AS can go online dating.

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 12:29 pm

Snazzlestick wrote:

I can't understand why Aspies think they're so undateable.

+1

You know it's been proven that if you repeat something negative enough, you start to believe it and it becomes true as a result?

We are not "undateable" at all, that's crap. I've had two girlfriends, and I'm not really popular or anything, and I actually think I'm crap at relationships and understanding other people and going on about obsessions and all that stuff, BUT I'VE STILL HAD TWO GIRLFRIENDS.

It's honestly not hard, people!

Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 12:40 pm

Lonermutant wrote:

Salonfilosoof wrote:

I guess you're one of the exceptions. In my life the few women I did manage to get interested in me and get into a relationship with all graduately lost interest as they became more familiar with my Aspie traits.

Because we rarely have an education?

It seems skills involving maths, physics and/or programming are very common among Aspies. I've met an Aspie who's a Civil Engineer (one of the toughest degrees you can get in my country). I myself are into computer programming.

Again you're generalising. Not all Aspies are low-functioning. In fact, in my impression those are the minority.

Rocker82 wrote:

The best way is on your own,be courageous and talk to the ladies.Or men with AS can go online dating.

Talking to the ladies never worked for me and online dating only lead to unstable relationships. I'm currently a bit at a loss how to move on from here....

Asp-Z wrote:

We are not "undateable" at all, that's crap. I've had two girlfriends, and I'm not really popular or anything, and I actually think I'm crap at relationships and understanding other people and going on about obsessions and all that stuff, BUT I'VE STILL HAD TWO GIRLFRIENDS.

It's honestly not hard, people!

How did you meet them? Besides meeting women online, I wouldn't know how else to try it. Everything else fails thusfar.

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 12:43 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

How did you meet them? Besides meeting women online, I wouldn't know how else to try it. Everything else fails thusfar.

My first girlfriend I knew from primary school and I got back into contact with her a few years later and asked her out.

The second girlfriend I did meet online.

Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 1:35 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

My first girlfriend I knew from primary school and I got back into contact with her a few years later and asked her out.

The second girlfriend I did meet online.

Try picking up women in a bar for a change. You'll notice that your skills in that area will be just as primitive as they were before....

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 1:42 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

My first girlfriend I knew from primary school and I got back into contact with her a few years later and asked her out.

The second girlfriend I did meet online.

Try picking up women in a bar for a change. You'll notice that your skills in that area will be just as primitive as they were before....

So what? I never go into bars anyway. Just because there's some ways we can't find girls, it dosen't mean we can't do it at all, does it? I'm living proof!

Lonermutant
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03 Jan 2010, 1:44 pm

You're wrong. Most AS boys are too immature to make it through 8th grade.

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