What type of man do you not want?

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I'm a poet and romance annoys me.

I disagree with the 'im a whole person' idea. If you were whole (emotionally/spiritually/etc) you would not need to get married or find someone to grow old with... after all, you only need a one time physical 'connection' to reproduce and nowadays a woman can raise a child on her own.

But you do need someone... there's a void otherwise. Most people I think, find someone who they are comfortable with and can experience moments of happiness with. A soulmate on the other hand is the person that they are comfortable with and whose mere presence of or thought of alone gives them happiness. Its a big difference and why the concept of the soulmate is so strong.

..and why they're so rare & damn hard to find.

Nobody 'needs' someone. That's plain ridiculous and is precisely what I was referring to when I mentioned putting your happiness in someone else's hands.

That kind of thinking leads people into unhealthy co-dependent relationships and should be avoided.

Last edited by TeaEarlGreyHot on 10 Mar 2011, 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm a musician and I swooooon for romance, the cornier the better; but, when we bottom-line it, I can't say I believe in it. I just want to.

I have met people I have had special connections with, but fate always seems to pull you apart again. It is almost like the universe says "This is too intense." and your energies, being too alike, repel each other, sort of like trying to connect 2 north sides of a magnet, and you are both driven apart and sent to different places, away from each other.

This is exactly what I'm referring to. That deep connection some people are seeking is not at all what it's cracked up to be.

I don't need my husband. I want him. I want him so much that I made a contractual commitment to keep him in my life and do well by him. Everyone should love someone in their life because they want them. I wouldn't want a man who felt that he needed me. Sometimes I wonder if my ex-husband still has that opinion because he never moved on after our divorce (divorce has been finalized for 9 years. I left him 12 years ago.) That's dangerous dependency. But there's nothing saying that you can't want the hell out of each other to a point where thinking about them not being there makes you cry. There's still plenty of room for passion.

Romance annoys me because it makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand why anyone would want it.

Exactly. I once had a guy tell me "I don't know if I want you, but I need you."

He must have thought that would make me swoon, but all it got him was a scowl and me walking out.

Yeah. I havent actually experienced enough of something like that to know, there is usually something standing in the way. I guess the problem with such an intense connection is that they really mess your head up. I went on one date with this guy and I couldnt handle it.

The type of man I don't want to date is a brutish, ignorant, Neanderthal who is a misanthrope!

LOL!! !

Those are solid things to rule out!

I can understand being a whole person, but at the same time it makes perfect sense evolutionarily to select in favor of partners that can stay together long-term and raise the family together. Before all you "alpha-male" douches start mouthing off, I need to point out that we're humans, not wolves. Successfully raising a human to maturity requires a lot more than a wolf. There's a reason humans have such a delayed start to puberty compared to others, you know... Children raised with both parents have the mental input of both parents (in an ideal situation, anyway) into their upbringing. So the people that feel they need partners are selected for better upbringing for their children. It's not a hard selection (kids raised by single parents can still fare just as well, and often do), but there is a slight edge.

This is good stuff right here. Some people don't know the difference between wants and needs. I don't need a wife, or want a wife, I want someone who compliments my personality, like a companion who lets me be myself. If that ends in marriage, so be it. Marriage for me would be less than ideal, but to be fair, I'm looking at it from a fixed point of view, and I always have. Some people want a husband or a wife because it makes them feel better to say "I'm married", and that's not a good reason to date, or to marry. Me personally, I don't like the demanding entitlement princesses that I see a whole lot of in this day and age. They are just the more extreme versions of girls that play hard to get, as if somehow they are a prize to be won. I've played that game, and it's no good. The chase has never thrilled me at all, but my main problem is that I'm not overly enthusiastic about approaching women...which is why I'm not successful most of the time. Well, actually my main problem is that I'm not willing to work hard enough to reach my goals, but at least I have goals for myself. I didn't always have that. So the reason women are not attracted to me is because of my outlandish behavior, and that puts them off. At first, they like me, but I don't tone it down when I should, and so they decide I'm no good. Maybe if I wanted them badly enough I would tone it down.

We hit puberty later in life because our brains continue to grow after birth. It's that simple.

Using evolution to support the claim that we need a partner is even more ridiculous than saying every single person out there had a void in their lives.

We don't need a partner, but the whole point of living is to procreate, although no one is forcing you to.