90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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So, what's to be done about this? Fake it? But then it isn't real empathy anymore, and women will eventually find out I guess.

I see only the following options :

(-) Try to fake it in the beginning and hope she'll be willing to accept you as you are once she gets to know you better. If you know how to do this, please tell me.

(-) Find conditions to meet women where non-verbal communication is minimal. I used to meet women online. Unfortunately, there were all pretty unstable women.

(-) Find yourself an Aspie woman. Considering they're not empathic either, it may be easier to communicate with an Aspie woman. Personally I have no experience with this, though.

1. I really don't know. If I did I'd tell you. Besides, it seems a bit cruel to do this, and a wager with very uncertain outcome as well.

2. I've tried a dating site once. Being honest, I said in my profile that I have a physical disability (but made no big deal out of it). Still, only a few women even took the trouble to reject me (with me always initiating contact). I wouldn't know how to meet women online otherwise. After about 30 to 40 rejections I cancelled my membership.

3, How?

I have showed concern and care for womens feelings. But I still get rejected. I have seen other guys show the same type of concern towards them, and they become a couple. But when I do the excact same thing it does not matter to them and I get dumped or friend zoned. Its not fair.

Some amount of faking is always required in the beginning. It's part of the game. For example, if you aren't self-confident you have to appear self-confident. Otherwise there's no way they'll show any interest in you.



A few months ago I was succesful using a social networking site that allows you to search profiles based on specific criteria (Netlog) and in the past I did the same with ICQ (I wish Live Messenger has similar search functions).

And DON'T mention your Asperger's to any women you're interested in unless you've already developed some connection. Otherwise, she may ignore you out of prejudice....



Check out local Aspie communities. To find Dutch Aspies, the forums of Autsider.net might be interesting.

The world isn't fair. Deal with it, my son.

Thanks for the advice, salonfilosoof. I don't really feel like dating very much after the last series of disasters (don't ask!), but if I do (maybe in the future) then I'll certainly take heed.

While I may have a history of rejection, I am not overly discouraged. Strangely enough, after the first time I awkwardly "asked a girl "out"" all fear of it went away. Maybe that was a bad thing, I was rejected allot lol. But I was also complemented, even by girls, who wish "they had the courage I did". I see it as happy go lucky apathy with lowest results expected so I am not disappointed but hey, whatever works!

Do other Aspies really struggle with the asking the female part so much? The rejection thing is on them, but asking is on you if your interested.

As for online dating sites: It's a funny thing. I have thought about it. I have a free profile on one I made and then never went back to so I consider that not to count at this point. I kind of am against it. For one, since the male:female ration is so hi (10:1 or higher in some places, eeks) females can be much more picky then in real life. Two, I consider the type of people on these sites and don't want a part of it. Sure, there are some gems on both sides but in general the girls seem to be stuck up and picky and the guys are mostly, not all and I really don't like this term but, losers.

Then again my uncle met his current GF online on a dating site, and my other uncle met his wife on a web forum. They are NT though if that matters.

Maybe I am just an odd person since if I was put in a social situation involving girls I would most likely be fine with it. I don't seem to share any of the anxiety that other people my age, aspie or NT seem to share.

Although I will say when I do really like a girl (in the past) I get abit nervous. It has never stopped me though.

I understand if it only happened a few times. But this type of thing has happened 99% of the time with me. So it must be me. I must be really messed up in the head and heart no women wants me. Makes me feel real good about myself. I have tryed to change and nothing works. Why try if no women will give me a shot?

It's one of the most difficult things to do for someone with Asperger's.



The problem is that you need both the balls to speak up to a woman and the skills to make it work. Only very few Aspies manage to be succesful because they're either too uncomfortable in the situation, they lack the skills to woo a woman or (as in most cases) both.

Haha, well, I have said balls. As for making it work.. well.. HS is s**t socially anyways

I have never made it work. In fact just recently have I been able to even consider wanting to date again due to a series of unfortunate events as they say a few years back that left me emotionally crippled with a broken heart

But hey, I have time, I am only 18. I have somebody in mind now possibly. Except I don't know her except from and online forum for people with aspergers *wink* I doubt it will go anywhere, but maybe I can make a friend out of the deal?

I don't know you in real life, so as to being messed up I can't say, however:

Sometimes things just happen when they happen and worrying about it causes stress. I don't know how you pursue females but maybe try more on being friends rather then caring if your dating. I know, I am 18 and have no place giving you advice but it's worked for me (I have female friends, even if I am not dating).

Also consider that maybe you won't ever date/marry. It's not always a bad thing from what I hear. You save a crap ton of $, time, and effort and don't have to worry about divorce or fighting. I think we all want "the other half" but maybe it won't happen. Instead spend time making friends/enjoying life perhaps?

When I was 18, I didn't even realise it was not done to compliment a woman on her breasts. Now (10 years later) I have 5 exes.

So don't worry too much. You seem to be doing well for your age

Reminds me of a joke... Two Aspies walk into a bar....

Or maybe I am confusing things?

Doing well? If you base that on "balls" and not saying "gee you have great boobs" as doing well, then yes. As far as relationships themselves I am doing horrible and have had horrid "luck" as it were.

I'm just saying that it's normal for an Aspie to never have had even a date at your age.

I am really starting to think that God does not want me to find someone and marry and be happy. I have pretty much failed at this all my life. This is the one thing I have wanted more then anything, to find someone to spend my life with. I consider myself a huge failure if this does not happen. Everyone else I know has found someone to be with. I would give everything else I have worked for up if I could find someone.

But no matter how hard I try, God makes me fail at it, mainly due to my AS.