No friends, but constantly having guys "wanting" me

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Teach51
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22 Jun 2020, 7:26 am

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pepe wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Ok, but two things to keep in mind:

- A male friend wanting more than friendship doesn't necessarily mean that he just wants you for sex - he may be really interested in you for you. Are you sure that it's always the case (only for sex)?

- A male friend may not necessarily had any romantic intentions at the beginning, and later he simply fell in love with you, this scenario is less likely but possible too.

Nah nah, don't worry I know many don't only want sex. As I said in the first post, the main problem is that potential friends actually catch feelings and that I have to hurt them at some point.. But you never know if it's about sex or not, cause if they find me attractive, they may not even fully realize themselves that they're physically attracted to me and they THINK they're in love. That's another phenomenon.

I had the impression, incorrectly apparently, that you wanted a relationship with a friend first and then a more intimate/sexual involvement.

So, are you saying you *only* want a platonic experience?

Now I'm confused. I'm not looking for a intimate/sexual relationship in the first place. First of all I have to put my life together again. What I want is REAL and lasting friendships. And that's what I can't seem to find.

LC is it possible that you are sending out "mixed messages"? If men think you are flirting with them then they may be confused. I have a feeling that you are confused yourself. When you make your boundaries clear then others will respect them. I had this problem myself in the past. It is easy to be a "teaser" without realising it, but it never leads to solid, long term, healthy relationships. Friendships require many months and years of mutual investment, support and loyalty, they are not built in a day.

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Shahunshah
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22 Jun 2020, 7:32 am

I can't honestly tell at this point whether this thread is kinda being derailed.

Teach51
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22 Jun 2020, 7:41 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

women are aroused more cerebrally and slowly(IMO) it's a different process. Neither is better, just different.

That's probably why many of the flings I dated/knew/encountered found sexting fun and exciting.

While I find it boring.

I would tend to agree with you.

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LunaticCentruroides
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22 Jun 2020, 7:46 am

Pepe wrote:

OK,
This is something new to me. :scratch:

An attractive, vibrant, semi-athletic young woman wants *only* a platonic relationship.

This could easily be achieved on the internet.

So what are some of the other parameters that are involved?
Outdoor activities like bushwalking?
Parties?
Dancing?
Discussing philosophy?
Discussing politics?
Exploring different countries?

Is this friend ever going to be a possible future life partner?
If not, I like the idea very much,
But doesn't this sort of thing only happen in books or the movies?

To me, if you just want a male friend for life, I seriously think maybe a gay friend would fit the bill perfectly.
And most gay men I have met are extremely kind-hearted.
Have you looked into this?

Have you ever watched the situation comedy called "Will and Grace"? :wink:

What? xD This is the reason why I opened this thread! I clearly said that I need a break of all this romantic fuss. I'm seriously craving platonic friendships without(!) pressure. I mean who knows, maybe a platonic friend can turn into something more one day... :roll:

but this is not the question.

Why the heck should this only happen in books or movies? Why are people so damn complicated? I just wanna fckn hang out a bit :lol:

No big deal, but everybody seems to make a big deal out of it! I'll seriously keep my eyes open for some laid back females or a gay dudes :lol:

LunaticCentruroides
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22 Jun 2020, 7:49 am

Teach51 wrote:

I hate to be the voice of optimism in this thread but I have been at rock bottom so many times in my life and somehow managed to turn things around and find fulfillment both in work and friendships. I have never found the "happy ever after" fantasy I thought existed but I have found fulfilling work and strong friendships. I have solid, long term friendships with men also and I don't give a hoot if they fantasize about me or want a different kind of relationship, they are still my very dear friends and know that it is platonic on my part. Men can get turned on by anything when they are horny, I am not afraid of mens' sexuality nor judgemental, men are capable of lasting and loyal friendships with both men and women. Mens' sexuality is very visual, if any woman looks sexy they can be aroused whatever the relationship, it's biological, women are aroused more cerebrally and slowly(IMO) it's a different process. Neither is better, just different.
I found my present relationship at 65 so those of you who are despairing at 30+, age is really not an obstacle. You may be defeated, disillusioned and fed up with trying. Take a time out or be contented alone, but it really is never too late. Happy people attract other people, unhappy people don't.

word!

I don't care neither if they fantasize or not. Guys are guys and if they do, I take it as compliment. But they can still keep their hands and thoughts to themselves since we have so many other women on this planet.

kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2020, 7:51 am

I like the “cerebral” type myself.

I believe we need little levity and humor to offset what is going on within this Site lately.

LunaticCentruroides
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22 Jun 2020, 8:00 am

Teach51 wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pepe wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yeah I am confused, that's why I opened this thread. When I was younger I did send out mixed messages for sure. But I learned much since then. But actually a lot of my questions has already been answered by now. I will definitely try to be clearer to these people from the beginning. You know, mostly I simply don't assume that someone is attracted to me, that's why I realize it too late.
But I don't feel like I'm sending out mixed messages meanwhile. I'm just very nice to people, I like to talk and laugh. That's it.

Last edited by LunaticCentruroides on 22 Jun 2020, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Teach51
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22 Jun 2020, 8:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I like the “cerebral” type myself.

I believe we need little levity and humor to offset what is going on within this Site lately.

Indeed my dear friend, we do :heart:

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Teach51
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22 Jun 2020, 8:05 am

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pepe wrote:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yeah I am confused, that's why I opened this thread. When I was younger I did send out mixed messages for sure. But I learned much since then. But actually a lot of my questions has already been answered by now. I will definitely try to be clearer to these people from the beginning. You know, mostly I simly don't assume that someone is attracted to me, that's why I realize it too late.

Keep trying, good people find each other eventually. I am still friends with some ex lovers, if you sincerely care about people they will stick around.

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kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2020, 8:13 am

I have been Platonic friends with many women.

I have had sexual thoughts about them—but I keep them to myself.

To this day, I’m pretty decent friends with two of my former professors. If I would “try anything,” I would be out on my butt :wink:

I’m able to “keep my hands to myself.” Other guys are able to “keep their hands to themselves,” too.

Please note that I’m not knocking women. I’m just saying that guys aren’t just whirling dervishes of hormones.

kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2020, 8:31 am

I was once aroused by a conversation with a woman about macroeconomics.

She prepares students for exams in securities law. She also does burlesque comedy.

Pepe
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22 Jun 2020, 8:40 am

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

Pepe wrote:

OK,
This is something new to me. :scratch:

What? xD This is the reason why I opened this thread! I clearly said that I need a break of all this romantic fuss.

Sorry,
I wasn't paying enough attention, obviously.
And made some assumption that didn't pan out. :wink:

LunaticCentruroides wrote:

I'm seriously craving platonic friendships without(!) pressure. I mean who knows, maybe a platonic friend can turn into something more one day... :roll:

but this is not the question.

Why the heck should this only happen in books or movies? Why are people so damn complicated? I just wanna fckn hang out a bit :lol:

No big deal, but everybody seems to make a big deal out of it! I'll seriously keep my eyes open for some laid back females or a gay dudes :lol:

May I point out, my dear, *you* are quite complicated, also. :wink:

Pepe
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22 Jun 2020, 8:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I like the “cerebral” type myself.

I believe we need little levity and humor to offset what is going on within this Site lately.

Slow down, big boy.
I like to be wooed slowly, also.
I need to get the cerebral juices flowing.
After all,
The brain is the biggest sex organ. :wink:

Quote:

The brain is our biggest sex organ, so sharing a naughty thought or two might be all you need to get the ball rolling. Keep it fresh. After you've had sex with the same person at least a thousand times it's easy to fall into a routine. There are two types of sexual arousal — mental and physical. https://www.google.com/search?client=fi ... +sex+organ.

kraftiekortie wrote:

I’m able to “keep my hands to myself.” Other guys are able to “keep their hands to themselves,” too.

Please note that I’m not knocking women. I’m just saying that guys aren’t just whirling dervishes of hormones.

Speak for yourself,
Once I get my cerebral fluids flowing,
I'm a sexual dynamo.