90% of Aspies can't get a date?

Page 20 of 26 [ 411 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 ... 26 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

lewdi28792
Blue Jay

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 98

07 Jan 2010, 9:09 pm

therange wrote:

Getting a date or a girlfriend isn't THAT hard, comparatively speaking. It's much harder, for example, to form a really good band, with talented musicians...not a crappy bar band...the kind of band people see and say "They're really good" and recommend them to their friends for weddings and occasions. I had to part ways with a drummer because he was just interested in putting a mediocre band together and gigging ASAP, while the rest of us are trained musicians looking to be a great sounding band first, then worry about getting the gigs. All it takes to get a girlfriend is to find a girl that wants the same things as you. Does it take work? Sure. But people on here make it sound like it's impossible. Aspergers isn't mental retardation.

but all im saying is ive found a local(relatively) source of coaching and learning how to read emotions, body language and social cues, and a community of aspies and auties. they are a little far but not like across the country or across the world(ie - im in nc - the aspies are in australia.)

even a friend of mine who works for the state who is in the same kind of work as my case worker says i am on the right track when it comes to going to school to learn how to read emotions, body language and non-verbal social cues. i have nothing to lose to take a whack at it.

therange
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Sep 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 959
Location: Not at Spike's house.

07 Jan 2010, 10:47 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

therange wrote:

All it takes to get a girlfriend is to find a girl that wants the same things as you. Does it take work? Sure. But people on here make it sound like it's impossible. Aspergers isn't mental retardation.

It sure seems impossible when you put x amount of effort into it and don't see any returns at all. This is why communism failed: if what you get out of it doesn't scale proportionally to what you put into it, you're not going to want to put the effort in... unless you're some super optimistic (and masochistic) person...

You're right Toad. All is hopeless and the best thing is to give up.

trojan51
Deinonychus

Joined: 10 Dec 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 361
Location: Seattle, Washington, United States

08 Jan 2010, 1:48 am

ya girls can really make me mad.

VincentVanJones
Velociraptor

Joined: 8 Sep 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 462

09 Jan 2010, 1:39 am

I convinced a friend to sign up on WP soon. He has AS, but is not only in college with 8 classes (Ya, I think he's nuts as well), but ALSO has a steady GF that really understands him (she's NT).

I asked him to post in the school and dating sections with his stories, hopefully they will show not all hope is lost

therange
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Sep 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 959
Location: Not at Spike's house.

09 Jan 2010, 1:54 am

I'd prefer the girl to not know I have AS or anything about my past. I want someone to like me for the best of me...the me that's a musician and a great kisser and loyal friend and family member, not the me that can't handle the stress of a monotonous job and can't take more than 1 college class at the same time. I'd rather have the girl think I'm NT and a little strange and not a genius than someone with a disability.

E-Wreck
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Sep 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 66

09 Jan 2010, 2:10 am

To be honest, I can understand why you've never had a girlfriend. You're SO negative, low self-esteem, and everything else! Girls HATE that with a passion. I know some girls who like quikry guys. I'm also 17 and yeah, I've had two girlfriends, not alot, but more then some people. And my 1st girlfriend probably would have stayed with me but I broke up with her as I figured we lived to far away. My 2nd, we both agreed to break up mutually as it was become a dead realtion and we never really saw each other much since our schedual didn't match up at all (Though, we still have a little flirt and kiss here and there)... It's totally possible! But, you gotta put extra effort into it for sure! It's not like you can be like "Well, I think I'm not going to do anything. Why should I put in work for girls to like me?!, you've got to put in total effort and go out of your comfey zone.

trojan51
Deinonychus

Joined: 10 Dec 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 361
Location: Seattle, Washington, United States

09 Jan 2010, 4:17 am

i think that would explain why i have never had one. because until recently i had very low self esteem, mine has just shot way up though so i hope that should help alto

Lonermutant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,724
Location: Namsos, Norway

09 Jan 2010, 7:54 am

We seem to have those who really want a relationship, and those like me who's only interested in a free hooker.

VincentVanJones
Velociraptor

Joined: 8 Sep 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 462

09 Jan 2010, 8:27 am

Lonermutant wrote:

We seem to have those who really want a relationship, and those like me who's only interested in a free hooker.

isn't that an oxymoron?

Also you seem to be right in the fact that many people here seem to be more concerned with sex, not really having a relationship

A relationship takes work and time, can be frustrating, and may lead to heartbreak all with the chance of no sex :lol:

As they say, you can't have your cake and eat it

dddhgg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Dec 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,108
Location: The broom closet on the 13th floor

09 Jan 2010, 9:33 am

lewdi28792 wrote:

EarlPurple wrote:

Just clicked on that puatraining site out of interest.

I should start up something like that. Seems a great way to make money. Social-coaching for aspies. How to get dates. How to meet people. How to interact when you do meet people.

Did the OP say that 90% of aspie men never have a relationship or get married? Lucky I'm in the other 10% then...

im in the process of getting social coaching and learning how to make friends - and to keep them - and to 'maybe ''find'' friends (and maybe a ''love interest'' if a ''love interest'' for an aspie even exists) - but im going through a brick+morter non-profit that deals strictly in auties and aspies. i would ''trust'' a physical org any day of a week compared to a virtual one. but i have to do some paperwork and get all my ducks in a row, in a matter of speaking, first. plus, the non-profit that is going to be helping me is only 25 miles away from me in asheville, nc(for what i can understand of it - asheville, nc is where there is a physical community of auties + aspies - only difference is i am epileptic and i cannot drive safely - so under normal circumstances - other auties + aspies are out of my reach).

There has been a documentary about them (Richard La Ruina and his team) on Dutch television though, and they seem bona fide. A lot of shy men really do benefit from their courses. Also, what they do looks pretty unique, in that they really show what to do in real-life practice and that they train you to do the same.

_________________
Dabey müssen wir nichts seyn, sondern alles werden wollen, und besonders nicht öffter stille stehen und ruhen, als die Nothdurfft eines müden Geistes und Körpers erfordert. - Goethe

KenM
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Mass. USA

09 Jan 2010, 11:17 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

It sure seems impossible when you put x amount of effort into it and don't see any returns at all.

I totally agree. I have been putting effert into getting a sig other preety much all my lif. Since I was 17 or so. I am 41 now and have nothing to show for it execpt pain and hurt. Then people wonder why people that get shot down all the time and never given a chance get so bitter. I challenge anyone that has gone through over 20 years of rejection like me and not feel the same way I do about it.

Last edited by KenM on 09 Jan 2010, 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Lonermutant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,724
Location: Namsos, Norway

09 Jan 2010, 11:26 am

dddhgg wrote:

I think that if you're talking about a socially inept man with no education, no dating course is going to help, ever.

makuranososhi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 May 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,805
Location: Banned by Alex

09 Jan 2010, 2:09 pm

Lonermutant wrote:

dddhgg wrote:

I think that if you're talking about a socially inept man with no education, no dating course is going to help, ever.

To paraphrase...

No matter whether you say you can do a thing, or you can't do a think - you are right.

M.

_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.

For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

lewdi28792
Blue Jay

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 98

10 Jan 2010, 6:15 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:

Well true for me, I couldn't get a guy in real life. I had to do it through online. And I'm female.

if you were closer in distance to me - and NOT taken - id take ya.

trojan51
Deinonychus

Joined: 10 Dec 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 361
Location: Seattle, Washington, United States

11 Jan 2010, 12:28 am

i think over 10% of us can get dates

aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

17 Jan 2010, 8:15 pm

think that if you're talking about a socially inept man with no education, no dating course is going to help, ever.

Agree

Page 20 of 26 [ 411 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 ... 26 Next

Jump to:

90% of Aspies can't get a date? Post Reply New Topic

90% of Aspies can't get a date?