DW_a_mom wrote:
On the first, why am *I* being negative to say that I can spot a negative, self-absorbed guy? If someone who has just met me wants to start spewing hate towards the world, *I* am not the one being negative by politely walking away. We were talking about the guy in the news, and everything he wrote showed how negative he was.
I responded to what you actually wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I can tell a negative, self-absorbed guy within a few sentences of a conversation. It never took more to make me want to run
The paragraph that preceded it was unrelated, as was the one that followed. So it deserves to be taken just as it's written. (The shooter also spewed a lot more than a few sentences, so that's not a good comparison.)
Quote:
Is the problem that you are assuming I call it that way often?
Your first sentence stated literally that you felt capable of making that judgment on that basis. Your second sentence stated just as clearly that you would not feel the need to wait for further verification. So the frequency would be the frequency at which you run into people who meet your standard.
Aside from his death video, the shooter's other videos were just weird until you were farther than a few sentences into them. Your statement might be reasonable if by "negative, self-absorbed guy[s]" you meant people who were about to kill themselves and innocent bystanders. I do know some far-out people, but none who would make a video like that one. I haven't met enough who were that damaged for it to cross my mind when I post here, so I interpreted your words by their dictionary meaning instead.
I'm only taking you seriously. I had an exchange with Hopper that went on for perhaps ten replies by each of us over a piece of mild hyperbole. I'd borrowed it from another site because that was the most convenient way to begin a follow-on comment to a link to that site that had been posted earlier. I could have paraphrased it in a way that would have been immune to his criticism, but that would have been more verbose, and would have required more explanation of how the two connected. I haven't held you to any higher or more pedantic standard that I've been held to by feminists here. Would you prefer that your words be taken less seriously than those of a man?
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As for my son, I used the word that HE uses, and the word that describes how some of the members here feel about their dating abilities, because I was trying to make the point that it can be OVERCOME. IT DOES NOT MATER if someone is "stupid" in dating if they are true to themselves and positive. And, be clear, my son does not use the word in a "oh no, I'm hopeless, I'm so stupid at dating" way. He uses it in the manner of "oops, just more proof of how stupid I am at dating," (laugh) kind of way. As did I. The kid agreed to take a girl to Homecoming and it never occurred to him to do anything other than just meet her there. Or tell us he had a date anytime sooner than an hour before he had promised to be there; he had absolutely nothing appropriate to wear (he never considered there might be a dress code, either). He laughs about it when we point out to him how, um, that isn't exactly how it is usually done. And he survives the faux paux's because he doesn't let them ruin his attitude or his time on the date. He apologizes, admits it isn't his skill, asks people to just tell him when he is doing something "wrong," and moves on. People LIKE that. They don't WANT you to turn these things into a drama production.
He reads over my shoulder occasionally when I post on WP and in the past when I've asked him how he feels about it, he responded that he thinks I write in the way that best suits the goal, which is to help the reader, and he is cool with that. He still tells me pretty much everything, unlike most boys his age, so there must be a decent amount of trust there and belief that I handle things OK.
I am sorry your mother talked behind your back in ways that you felt were negative. That is not what I am trying to do here, but point taken on how it obviously easily came across that way.
This is too big an issue. I don't think that my mother was aware of what she was doing.
One observation about my mother that would apply to a lot of Aspies that I've known in the flesh: She assumed that social habits that hadn't been proven to be wrong were OK. Liberalism doesn't say that; it just says that they
might be OK. Little habits make a difference in relationships, just as they make a difference in accounting, engineering or medicine.
I can't judge you accurately through forum posts. I do wish that more of my Aspie friends and acquaintances would think about relationships empirically as well as theoretically.
Last edited by NobodyKnows on 28 May 2014, 9:44 pm, edited 3 times in total.
28 May 2014, 6:05 pm
