Aspies In A Relationship With An NT

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the_wife
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10 Jul 2009, 9:01 am

This is no way for a wife to treat a husband. Does she use your AS as an excuse to justify her cheating on you and belittling you? Although, you say she won't acknowledge the AS, I wonder if she feels she can "use" it this way.

If not for your kids, I would say that splitting up is a smart option.



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10 Jul 2009, 9:20 am

Butterflair wrote:
DITZY72 wrote:
BAD!! ! I haven't heard from in a week and now I've tried to call, text and email... he's not answering or responding.... So now I'm just lost.... do I keep trying to contact him or give up... I've wracked my mind the last few times we've talked and been together he's given me no reason to think or feel like he wouldn't want to talk to me or be with me... in fact or last conversation he said he couldn't wait to see me again... yet he won't answer to phone or email... I mean other then camping on his front porch which I think might be a little insane and scarey I don't know what else to do. I really wonder if he is into me or not... don't know. he says he is... but being ingored makes me feel otherwise.


Wow, this could have been written by me. I haven't heard from my Aspie friend for 5 weeks now. We have an online relationship/friendship. I think mine is in a shut down but I'm not sure. The advice I get is to wait it out and let him come back on his own but it's taking so long and I it's driving me insane to be ignored, intentional or not.

@drowbot
Wow, your wife is a b***h. Sorry but that's pretty plain and obvious. She cheats on you and gives you a hard time. She's walking all over you. I know you love her and you have 3 kids but something needs to change in your house. Don't be surprised if she's looking for someone else while still with you. You might want to stand up to her and tell her that things need to change and she needs to try to understand you. If you can't do it, find an advocate or therapist who can. You sound like a kind man and you don't deserve this.


I have told her things need to change and she needs to try to understand me, many times. All I ever get back is her asking me why I am being such a jerk. She doesn't cheat anymore, but she did it so much before and in such a rotten, spiteful way...
She has been a lot nicer since our last fight, so maybe something finally stuck. I don't know yet, but we'll see.



drowbot0181
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10 Jul 2009, 9:42 am

the_wife wrote:
This is no way for a wife to treat a husband. Does she use your AS as an excuse to justify her cheating on you and belittling you? Although, you say she won't acknowledge the AS, I wonder if she feels she can "use" it this way.

If not for your kids, I would say that splitting up is a smart option.


No, she doesn't use it as a justification for anything. She doesn't acknowledge that I have it. However, looking back, all of the things she has said that she doesn't like about me in the past are part of my A.S. So I think maybe she denies it because that would force her to accept that I will always be like this. I dunno.



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10 Jul 2009, 10:13 am

DITZY72 wrote:
We had the opposite problem this weekend... he was busy with his family... and I wasn't invited. My feelings are very hurt and I don't know how to tell him because I don't want to fight. He knew I was home alone with no plans but yet he didn't feel comfortable taking me to meet his family... and I don't get that. If I'm his girlfriend and if he feels for me like he says he does... really I can't go have a burger were his family is. I felt very unwanted.


This sounds like he's afraid to show you to his family... a lot of aspie guys (myself included) have this subconscious thought in the back of our minds that our parents won't approve of any girlfriend we bring over to them...



drowbot0181
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10 Jul 2009, 10:18 am

Yameretzu wrote:
I don't think this is acceptable at all. I live the other way round. My partner is an NT (male) and I am a female aspie. He would never force me to do anything I didnt want to and will hold me when Im upset. When I am not in the mood for physical contact he will back of straight away. I mean our relationships by no means perfect and we have massive rows but the way you describe your life is awful. She CHEATS on you and you act as if its NORMAL AND ACCEPTABLE, its NOT! She seems like a really ignorant, selfish person and to be honest if I was going out with her I might be looking elsewhere.

You need to be love and how much more of this can you honestly take. Life is stressful enough for an aspie without the ones who are supposed to love you also making it worse.


He backs off? I've tried explaining that I don't like to be touched, even by her, sometimes and she always takes it personally. Does holding you really help with being upset? When I am upset people just ignore me or get mad at me.



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10 Jul 2009, 10:24 am

DITZY72 wrote:
How are things with you?


BAD!! ! I haven't heard from in a week and now I've tried to call, text and email... he's not answering or responding.... So now I'm just lost.... do I keep trying to contact him or give up... I've wracked my mind the last few times we've talked and been together he's given me no reason to think or feel like he wouldn't want to talk to me or be with me... in fact or last conversation he said he couldn't wait to see me again... yet he won't answer to phone or email... I mean other then camping on his front porch which I think might be a little insane and scarey I don't know what else to do. I really wonder if he is into me or not... don't know. he says he is... but being ingored makes me feel otherwise.

I'm glad things are better for you....! !![/quote]

Hmm... I've never done anything like that before. Granted, I've got very little relationship experience, but I never disappeared for a week or more. I have done that with friends, though...to the point that they almost filed a missing person report. That's probably part of the reason I don't have friends anymore...



Butterflair
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11 Jul 2009, 10:02 am

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I have done that with friends, though...to the point that they almost filed a missing person report. That's probably part of the reason I don't have friends anymore...


That's a trend I'm seeing here. It's still happening to me, Aspie is gone 5 weeks now. *grumble*

You might think things are better than they were but trust me, they are not. If she calls you a jerk, that's not a good thing.

Have you been officially diagnosed? If not, maybe you need to do that so you can show her the paper with it written on there. You say she doesn't cheat anymore but I have doubts. If someone does that, they don't just stop, they just haven't found the next person yet or you don't know it's going on. What's happening is you have given her total control over you. She can do whatever she likes and knows that you won't leave her or get mad at her. That is not a good place to be. You will never be happy if you continue like this. Find a counselor that you can talk to.


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12 Jul 2009, 2:37 am

You NTs are so strange. ^^
But this might explain a little to all of you: stress behaviour.


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