26 Jul 2010, 1:09 pm
KaiG wrote:
Stellar wrote:
Lene wrote:
I would have been a bit pissed off that you'd lied about never having a crush on your friend. Honesty is vital to me in a relationship, and perhaps a better response would have been to tell him to stop asking and refuse to give an answer in the first place.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
Yeah he has trust issues. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and other things of that nature. But I felt as if I had to pay for her mistakes you know? He never trusted me in the first place, he pretty much trusts no human except his brother. He doesn't hate bisexual people or anything like that, but he was really unfair to me when he would ask me questions, and a lot of the things he said were out of line; almost as if I were an animal willing to screw any good looking person I saw.
When I was with him I didn't feel as if I was bisexual. I did lie to him about liking my friend when I was in middle school because I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that. She is one of those once in a lifetime friends. She stuck with me through years of heavy depression and being bullied. And if he knew that I liked her years ago, he would probably always ask me questions any time I was hanging out with another female (family or not) in an interrogative manner like he did about my male friends. I'm the type of person that could never cheat on someone, but I guess that one lie made all of his suspicious resurface about the past.
Thanks everyone for the replies so far
Yeah, you're better off without him.
Agreed. I'm not a very trusting person myself (and feel a bit guilty myself as I recognise some of my own traits in your ex) but even I feel this is going too far.
I would recommend letting him go. You're better off keeping your good friends rather than trying to please this stress-inducing one. If you still want to keep him as a friend, maybe just change the conversation everytime he brings something up. You don't have to answer his questions. I will say though, that unless he changes his mentality, the friendship won't last, and there's not really a lot you can do about that.
By the way, thanks for your response. I'm trying to curb my own trust issues and you've helped me see how they appear to the person not being trusted. Whilst I still prefer honesty, it helps to realise the motives behind peoples' 'white' lies and just because someone may not be 100% truthful in some situations doesn't make them untrustworthy when it comes to bigger things (or at least, I am currently trying to tell myself).
Quote:
I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that.
One thing I would say though, is that it's better (IMO) to stand up for yourself than tell a lie to make life easier. You're a free human; he can't force you to not talk to your friend, and never could. If he breaks up with you over it, then that's too bad, but that would probably also be what would happen if you lied about it too and he found out. That said, it was only a crush, not even a fling, so to be honest, it's hardly worth mentioning. Many girls have crushes on other girls when they're younger; it's doesn't always mean they are bi.
26 Jul 2010, 3:36 pm
26 Jul 2010, 3:45 pm
Fiz
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26 Jul 2010, 3:57 pm
nick007
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26 Jul 2010, 4:49 pm
Ambrose_Rotten wrote:
Furantic wrote:
Sounds like it's best to leave him. A relationship is about trust and compromise.
They are not in a relationship.
Then what's the point of this post/poll
If they are not together why is it such a big deal I'm probably missing something or confused 
The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jul 2010, 5:26 pm
Daemonic-Jackal
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26 Jul 2010, 6:45 pm
26 Jul 2010, 7:47 pm
nick007 wrote:
Then what's the point of this post/poll If they are not together why is it such a big deal I'm probably missing something or confused
If they are not together why is it such a big deal I'm probably missing something or confused Stellar wrote:
Hi there. This is a long post so I cut it up and numbered the "paragraphs."
1) Me ex boyfriend and I broke up months ago, and recently he contacted me and I asked if we could try to be friends. After a few e-mails I gave him my aim name so we could slowly start talking and he responds saying that he Googled my screen name and he's shocked at what he saw! It was a question that I had deleted on yahoo answers, and he looked at the cached version of it.
2) Now he's really mad at me and he's hurt (more like devastated??) and he doesn't want to talk to me again. By the way he has Asperger's and said emotions are really intense for him. He also said honesty is very important (it is), but it's hard being completely honest when the person explodes and constantly judges you.
3) When we were together he would always pry into my past. Now I know that the past can be important but he shoved my past into my face every single day and I never felt as the relationship was about us; it was always about the things I did in my past.
4) I liked my best [female] friend in a romantic way when I was in freakin' middle school and I lied to him and said I didn't, because he was being really judgmental and out of line going as far as to ask me if I had romantic feelings for my best female cousin (who is like a sister to me). None of this is really relevant to him...I am eighteen now, that happened in middle school, and when we were together I didn't think I could be bisexual.
5) But lo and behold I realized that we do not control who we fall in love with! So I asked this question on yahoo answers asking if I was bi because I don’t want to filter out a potential good match based on their gender (I think it’s unfair since we don’t choose whether we’re male or female when we’re born).
6) SO yeah he found the cached version and won't even talk to me saying I hurt him too much. He said he misses me, cares, and loves me, but I think if that was true he would at least try to salvage a friendship. I think he's my other half regardless of this whole mess.
Thank you guys! Any input would be helpful and I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. He's a good guy overall and I was really hoping we could at least be friends. I just don't know what to do anymore but it's worth the fight.
1) Me ex boyfriend and I broke up months ago, and recently he contacted me and I asked if we could try to be friends. After a few e-mails I gave him my aim name so we could slowly start talking and he responds saying that he Googled my screen name and he's shocked at what he saw! It was a question that I had deleted on yahoo answers, and he looked at the cached version of it.
2) Now he's really mad at me and he's hurt (more like devastated??) and he doesn't want to talk to me again. By the way he has Asperger's and said emotions are really intense for him. He also said honesty is very important (it is), but it's hard being completely honest when the person explodes and constantly judges you.
3) When we were together he would always pry into my past. Now I know that the past can be important but he shoved my past into my face every single day and I never felt as the relationship was about us; it was always about the things I did in my past.
4) I liked my best [female] friend in a romantic way when I was in freakin' middle school and I lied to him and said I didn't, because he was being really judgmental and out of line going as far as to ask me if I had romantic feelings for my best female cousin (who is like a sister to me). None of this is really relevant to him...I am eighteen now, that happened in middle school, and when we were together I didn't think I could be bisexual.
5) But lo and behold I realized that we do not control who we fall in love with! So I asked this question on yahoo answers asking if I was bi because I don’t want to filter out a potential good match based on their gender (I think it’s unfair since we don’t choose whether we’re male or female when we’re born).
6) SO yeah he found the cached version and won't even talk to me saying I hurt him too much. He said he misses me, cares, and loves me, but I think if that was true he would at least try to salvage a friendship. I think he's my other half regardless of this whole mess.
Thank you guys! Any input would be helpful and I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. He's a good guy overall and I was really hoping we could at least be friends. I just don't know what to do anymore but it's worth the fight.
26 Jul 2010, 11:55 pm
27 Jul 2010, 12:13 am
27 Jul 2010, 12:38 am
27 Jul 2010, 12:38 am
27 Jul 2010, 12:53 am
27 Jul 2010, 1:04 am
League_Girl wrote:
Stellar wrote:
Lene wrote:
I would have been a bit pissed off that you'd lied about never having a crush on your friend. Honesty is vital to me in a relationship, and perhaps a better response would have been to tell him to stop asking and refuse to give an answer in the first place.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
Yeah he has trust issues. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and other things of that nature. But I felt as if I had to pay for her mistakes you know? He never trusted me in the first place, he pretty much trusts no human except his brother. He doesn't hate bisexual people or anything like that, but he was really unfair to me when he would ask me questions, and a lot of the things he said were out of line; almost as if I were an animal willing to screw any good looking person I saw.
When I was with him I didn't feel as if I was bisexual. I did lie to him about liking my friend when I was in middle school because I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that. She is one of those once in a lifetime friends. She stuck with me through years of heavy depression and being bullied. And if he knew that I liked her years ago, he would probably always ask me questions any time I was hanging out with another female (family or not) in an interrogative manner like he did about my male friends. I'm the type of person that could never cheat on someone, but I guess that one lie made all of his suspicious resurface about the past.
Thanks everyone for the replies so far
After reading this I am not sure anymore. In fact it's those type of people I don't trust because then I end up getting hurt by them because I find them to be judgmental and they take things the wrong way and they never listen. So I avoid them like a plague. One bad experiance was enough and I find they are messed up people and act like bullies and they can never see they were the bad guy.
"Act like bullies and can never see they were the bad guy"
If it ain't the pot calling the kettle black.
27 Jul 2010, 1:08 am
Stellar wrote:
Hi there. This is a long post so I cut it up and numbered the "paragraphs."
1) Me ex boyfriend and I broke up months ago, and recently he contacted me and I asked if we could try to be friends. After a few e-mails I gave him my aim name so we could slowly start talking and he responds saying that he Googled my screen name and he's shocked at what he saw! It was a question that I had deleted on yahoo answers, and he looked at the cached version of it.
2) Now he's really mad at me and he's hurt (more like devastated??) and he doesn't want to talk to me again. By the way he has Asperger's and said emotions are really intense for him. He also said honesty is very important (it is), but it's hard being completely honest when the person explodes and constantly judges you.
3) When we were together he would always pry into my past. Now I know that the past can be important but he shoved my past into my face every single day and I never felt as the relationship was about us; it was always about the things I did in my past.
4) I liked my best [female] friend in a romantic way when I was in freakin' middle school and I lied to him and said I didn't, because he was being really judgmental and out of line going as far as to ask me if I had romantic feelings for my best female cousin (who is like a sister to me). None of this is really relevant to him...I am eighteen now, that happened in middle school, and when we were together I didn't think I could be bisexual.
5) But lo and behold I realized that we do not control who we fall in love with! So I asked this question on yahoo answers asking if I was bi because I don’t want to filter out a potential good match based on their gender (I think it’s unfair since we don’t choose whether we’re male or female when we’re born).
6) SO yeah he found the cached version and won't even talk to me saying I hurt him too much. He said he misses me, cares, and loves me, but I think if that was true he would at least try to salvage a friendship. I think he's my other half regardless of this whole mess.
Thank you guys! Any input would be helpful and I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. He's a good guy overall and I was really hoping we could at least be friends. I just don't know what to do anymore but it's worth the fight.
1) Me ex boyfriend and I broke up months ago, and recently he contacted me and I asked if we could try to be friends. After a few e-mails I gave him my aim name so we could slowly start talking and he responds saying that he Googled my screen name and he's shocked at what he saw! It was a question that I had deleted on yahoo answers, and he looked at the cached version of it.
2) Now he's really mad at me and he's hurt (more like devastated??) and he doesn't want to talk to me again. By the way he has Asperger's and said emotions are really intense for him. He also said honesty is very important (it is), but it's hard being completely honest when the person explodes and constantly judges you.
3) When we were together he would always pry into my past. Now I know that the past can be important but he shoved my past into my face every single day and I never felt as the relationship was about us; it was always about the things I did in my past.
4) I liked my best [female] friend in a romantic way when I was in freakin' middle school and I lied to him and said I didn't, because he was being really judgmental and out of line going as far as to ask me if I had romantic feelings for my best female cousin (who is like a sister to me). None of this is really relevant to him...I am eighteen now, that happened in middle school, and when we were together I didn't think I could be bisexual.
5) But lo and behold I realized that we do not control who we fall in love with! So I asked this question on yahoo answers asking if I was bi because I don’t want to filter out a potential good match based on their gender (I think it’s unfair since we don’t choose whether we’re male or female when we’re born).
6) SO yeah he found the cached version and won't even talk to me saying I hurt him too much. He said he misses me, cares, and loves me, but I think if that was true he would at least try to salvage a friendship. I think he's my other half regardless of this whole mess.
Thank you guys! Any input would be helpful and I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. He's a good guy overall and I was really hoping we could at least be friends. I just don't know what to do anymore but it's worth the fight.
Women often don't appreciate good men. If he was a good guy, why did you cheat on him? You deserve her and hopefully he's ran for the hills. I'm sorry..but I'm tired of women leaving good men for a bad boy/girl these days. You wanted honesty, you got it. I don't care if it's not "politically correct".
27 Jul 2010, 1:31 am
