I can't get a girlfriend

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I was talking about the OP, not the people you quoted. I agree that the two people you quoted are wrong. I'm just saying that some teenage girls in school want to be with the popular guys, I'm not sure whether this could be peer pressure or for some other reason. Nonetheless, there are also probably plenty of girls who don't get a lot of attention from the guys that the OP could ask out.

It's funny how most of you mentioned that teenage girls only want boyfriends to increase their social status. When I was a sixteen-year-old girl, I actually managed to get a boyfriend who wasn't remotely popular. I just wanted to have a boyfriend to see what having a boyfriend was like. In the end, it turned out that HE had only wanted me for increased social status and sexual gratification.

Back on topic, there are some girls your age, though rare, who might want to go out with you. I don't know anything about your hygienic habits or how you dress, but these are both extremely important factors. People generally notice your physical characteristics before they notice your behavior. In case you didn't know:

You don't have to wear expensive name brands, but your clothes should be clean, in reasonably good condition, and well-matched. A t-shirt and blue-jeans would fit these criteria just fine. Just don't wear anything that has stains in it or holes where there shouldn't be any. This might sound too basic to you, but I've met boys in your position who didn't seem to realize that their stained, holey clothing made them look gross.

If you don't already, bathe regularly. Every day, if you can. Again, I've met boys who didn't realize that they smelled bad or that their hair looked oily. Not stinking is good enough, but wearing something that smells good, such as Axe, is a plus.

Basically, make yourself presentable, huggable, and smellable, if you aren't already. Again, I don't know if you already do these things or not, but if you didn't used to do these things, they should increase your approachability dramatically.

Now that we've gotten physical issues out of the way, I don't really know what to say about behavioral issues because I don't know enough about you. But here are some basic dos and don'ts for just in case:

Do:
Smile every time you greet or are greeted by someone
Compliment girls. Good example: You are doing group work with a girl. She seems to be talented in some area. This is a good time to mention that she's talented, smart, or whatever.
Offer to help girls. Example: Use your smarts to help a girl who is having trouble with an assignment. Be careful not to make her feel stupid, and smile every now and then.

Don't:
Bite your nails, put your finger in your mouth, chew on your pencil, etc where people can see you.
Pop your knuckles or any other joints where people can see and hear you
Make funny little sounds with your mouth when people can hear you


And if you don't ever get a girlfriend in high school, it'll be okay. Quality high school relationships are so rare, anyway. Just try again in college or in an organization you join. Personally, I don't have anyone, either.

My advice is to work on bettering yourself before beating yourself. Rolling in the mud is not the best way to get clean. You're "strange," so what? I'm strange. No two people are the same. Normalcy is an illusion.

Anyway, girls aren't worth it. Let me reiterate that in bold font to make it clearer: girls aren't worth it.
They'll mock you if it's socially permissable, you'll break up anyway, and they're two-faced; always switching between good and bad.

We have another one. Welcome to WP.

I probably can get a girlfriend. I just can't get the good-looking, beautiful and pretty girls. You know the good-looking ones who look like models and actresses.

Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 03 Apr 2011, 7:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

That doesn't explain how my unemployed slob friend has a girlfriend lol.

ugh.. wrong.

Depends on the woman.

One thing they don't want, however, is to be treated as if they are shallow. Treat them as they are; human beings.

BS.

By definition, not ALL girls are popular. The word denotes the upper echelon of a social hierarchy.
If you are truly blinded to any women outside it, that's your own doing.

I know it's standard bro-club groupthink round these parts to blame one's troubles with women on proclaiming them all shallow, gold-digging bimbos,
but that doesn't provoke you to critically examine some traits of yours that might be off-putting in order to actually IMPROVE your situation.

You'll just wallow in an ever-increasingly hopeless and misogynist worldview, and....you guessed it...STILL be dateless.

Maybe aversion to honest self-assessment is the entire reason for such a thought process. I dunno.

AS versus NT doesn't matter here. Neither do stereotypes about sex.

One of the only differences between a person who has found a partner, and someone who has not, is that the person who has not likely displays very unattractive qualities such as hating the preferred gender.

If you think all [women|men] have undesirable quality X, you will sabotage every attempt in actually connecting to them.

Bethie is right, as usual: the first step is to stop hating the opposite sex. Then, and only then, will you have a chance with them.

It might help to stop being disgusting and behaving strangely. Most of us want people to accept us for who we are, however, like it or not, there are certain things that attract and repel people, and some of those things we have control over and really don't serve to define who we are.

For example, though this might not be your problem, poor hygiene generally repels people.

Anyway, most people usually have to improve themselves somewhat over the course of their life.

You got the first bit right. Second bit is wrong - you definately DO NOT need a car (although it can help sometimes) or spend huge amounts on fashionable clothing. You can be the biggest loser with no job or car and a bad haircut and torn clothes and still get girls; as long as you have good interpersonal skills. As far as clothing goes, spend a reasonable amount on some decent surfwear or menswear, no need to be extravagent with it. Also try and get a style that projects your personality.

In my experience, the things you need to get a girl:
1. Get one-on-one with a girl. This helps ALOT if you're an aspie. Being in a group situation, she will almost always subconsciously go for someone with better eye contact and non-verbal communication. When one-on-one, there is no competition and it's all you, and nobody to see any mistakes.
2. Project your personality. This one is extremely difficult for me, and probably alot of people here. You're there to sell your style. What you don't want to do is adjust your style hypothetically to what the girl wants. You're there to project you and sell yourself.
3. Theory of mind. This is a biggie. The successes I've seen from peers have involved when they feel what a girl is thinking, and act accordingly. E.g if a girl is displaying uninterested or 'hard to get' body language, they start teasingly talking to another or their friend, but whilst still keeping in contact and then going back to them.
4. Eye contact and non-verbal communication. Cannot stress enough how important it is.


Can we be a bit more direct here - of course people want sex, and especially young men have that instinct very strong in them. Girls probably want it just as much too. Are people supposed to feel bad because they want sex? Or are they supposed to date someone just for nice dinners and scenic walks along the beach?

I call BS on the "young men have a strong desire for sex" comment. I'm pretty young and I've never had a strong sexual desire, or even any sexual desire.

Ugh, I've been waiting on that to happen from the day I started puberty.