Aspie or not?

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We both are in early 30's.

Not wanting to talk about work can be because he doesnt want to relate your relationship with work.Things may not work out for you two and he is still going to have to go back to work and if he relates you to his work because you talked about work he might have a problem with going to work if things dont work out. Aspies also have a hard time finding new jobs because the lack of social skills makes interviews almost impossible to pass.


I also do the thing about not wanting to plan some stuff a few times a week. Most of my daily activities are made by following a plan.
ie: at 9 am I go to uni therefore I have to leave at 8:15 if I want to park and this is done almost by clockwork(the other day I let the car to my father and I was unable to this and for some reason I ended up getting upset) .
Every now and then I feel the need to do something wothout having scheduled it before. For example last sunday I went to the city to do some shopping, I didnt have a clue which shops I was going to because decided to go to the centre and decide where to go once Im there, its not much but it helps me realize not everything has to be scheduled in order to be enjoyed. A few years ago I didnt do anything like this and whenever someone came with unexpected plans that involved going to a place I dont usually go I refused to go unless I knew this person very well.




Every now and then he is going to need some alone time and I think you handled the situation quite well. When I have similar situations whoever is around me starts asking questions about why do I feel the need to be alone for a while or if Im bothered by having to expend sometime with them and it usually makes things worse.


If he refuses to talk about as I think you should leave the issue for a while. Most people usually go into denial for a few weeks until they begin to search about it and they see that they have/dont have as.
If you tried to continue it could start making things awkward whenever someone mentioned the topic or you were warching a tv show with some similarities(its not that hard to find a show with autistic behabiour, TBBT and bones are both primetime series that fit this category for example).

Since he is working we did not meet this weekend.

Usually I call him Friday or Saturday to see what will be doing during weekend. As usual I text him saying "Are we meeting this weekend?", he texted me back saying I am out of the state. So I got so upset and text him saying "Its a shame that I dont even know which state my boyfriend is". As usual I did not got the text back. Around 7pm I got call from him, he sound very normal, he asked how I am doing and how was my day. Then I asked him where are you and he said which state he is and then he said "I would like to meet you, I want to talk to you and share something about relationship, good stuff, let me call you and set the time after I come home", I said ok. I was thinking very hardly what that would be, after 1 hour I got an email with attachement saying (I think he got the below content from some book)

" Too often, rather than accepting the differences, one or both partners embark on a mission to change the other person. The spouse's many "flaws" are absolutely obvious, certainly corectable, and it is clear that a comprehensive remedial program is in order. A spouse begins coaching, cajoling, lecturing, explaining and nagging his or her partner to change and do things differently.
I am embarrassed such a shift took so long, but I am pleased to say that I stopped nagging about the little annoyances and instead looked at the things I did that were annoying. I stopped correcting him and focused on what I could do better. I replaced the criticism with encouragement, the irritation with laughter and blame with responsibility. May be no so amazingly a lot of our problems disappeared".


I am not sure why he thinks I am nagging him. Since then no call or anything. I dont know where he is and what he is upto. Very sacred to even text him. I dont want to bother him but at the same time as a girlfriend I want to know about him and want to whether we will be doing something together or not. I like him and miss him alot, but I he dont, if he does atleast he will call me, isnt it? May be he is avoiding me. I dont know what to expect in this relationship

Try to make sure that he received the text before you try to talk him about it(theres no need to look at his phone, if the message was sent it should appear at sent messages in your phone


If he received the message you should really have a conversation with him about the whole texting thing, I have my issues answering texts, calling someone back or so but there are times I realize having to call/text/whatever someone is inevitable and a text like yours is a clear example of a"Warning do not avoid answering or your relationship is high likely to face some problems short term". I learnt this the hard way(avoiding to go to the birthday of a very special girl because I didnt feel comfortable around her friends and having to hear her complain about that whenever I suggested we should meet outside school or something), Im not suggesting you make him have a hard time but maybe you could mention that kind of stuff when you are telling him about it(Im pretty sure you have a relative/acquaintance/whatever that went through a similar situation).



Before making any assumptions about the email try to talk to him face to face about it, things can be missunderstood over the internet and its always better to try to talk things in a calm state before making too many assumptions.

He should know your feelings about texting,calling and similar stuff as Greg Behrendt(apparently he is very succesfull at giving relationship advice ):I have to travel a lot because of work issues, and I make sure I call my wife and tell her how much I miss her more than once a day, if your partner isnt calling you once a day after you told him you want him to call you you are having relationship issues and you should try to work on them before they get worse.

Thanks for your response Spongy. From the day we met he dont call every day. Hardly one time a week and one time in a weekend we meet. So it is not suprising me. He dont share anything whats going on in his life. In his mind, all he thinks is he has to meet once a week for few hours and everything is in place.

email sounds like your best strategy to get a hold of him them. Even though I have never been in an relationship and I'm switching over to my NT side, it sounds like he's dodging the bullet. The aspie side of me thinks that he thinks that you need to get a better understanding of how he works and if there is any chance to salvage the relationship.

Why don't you show him this thread?

Thanks Spongy. I love to meet him more often, love to talk to him atleast one time a day. But I am sure that's not going to happen. I tried but he think I am nagging. Even though the problem is with him, he is trying to advice me. It is very painful to even think that this relationship is not going anywhere. My friend says just move on, I dont deserve this. But from my end, it is very hard to even think of another person in his place. As my friend says I am really not getting anything from this relationship. I have too much of patience in nature, I dont back answer. He think I am nagging. What should I say for this? If I want to say something, he will just say I dont want to talk about that, just think about this minute, we both are happy to spend time together, that is what more important. Dont think too much.

From a long long time ago (in this thread) , the great Boo said:

I can The_Face_of_Boo, but only problem what if he is not an Aspie or what if he thinks that he is being insulted.

I think Alex Plank should add the option of "A girl who suspects to have an aspie boyfriend/spouse" to the diagnosis category.

Does he have any previous relationships or is this his first one?.

I would try explaining to him that in order to mantain a healthy relationship both partners need to make an effort to try to please the other person whenever they can.

This may imply having to make some changes and its one of the reasons why not everyone can handle being in a relationship.


Have you looked up some information on the cassandra syndrom?(
link provided to a wiki article just in case you havent.


If you are happy being able to expend a few hours a week with him then theres no need to change things, however if you want to move the relationship to a "deeper" level you are going to have to take some risks like trying to explain to him why you need to expend more time with each other and face any possible consequence.

I have heard that reading a book about relationships with autistics(aparently there are a few) can help a lot, if you have any trouble finding one on your area amazon has a few.

I am not the first person. Sure I will try to see for those books.