"too intelligent"

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Hey! I resemble that remark!

On second thought, what Xuincherguixe said is pretty close to saying that I am a slick b*stard. I must be getting closer to achieving my goal! Hope abounds!

It's not just aspie women. Many NT women feel the same way, too. I have been to other message boards and the women there say the same thing, too. One woman spoke of how a guy she was dating never called her back after she told him she was in school pursuing an advanced degree. I also heard of women who don't tell their dates their educational backgrounds nor what they do for a living for fear of scaring the guys away.

I don't feel that women should have to hide who they are in order to keep a man. If a man is intimidated by us being intelligent or educated then they aren't worth it.

How can she be sure that that was the reason? Maybe he was physically unattracted to her. Or maybe he thought she had a really annoying personality. Maybe she was arrogant and uppity. Was it REALLY the intelligence issue, or something else? Maybe she is just not very likeable.

These situations can seem simple on the surface, but actually be quite difficult to fully fathom. There are all sorts of possible complicating factors. For example, sometimes people develop a habit of targeting people who they are incompatible with, and rebuffing those who they ARE compatible with. And then blaming it on being "too intelligent" or "too nice" etc.

I am _not_ saying the following is true -- it is just a hypothetical example of how things are not always as clear as they first seem.

Riley says she dislikes it when men challenge her. Maybe the men who challenge her are the ones who will not be scared off by her intelligence. Maybe she is always targeting men who are likely to be intimidated by her. On the other hand, maybe she is NOT doing anything wrong herself and does have a perfectly legitimate complaint.

Last edited by emp on 17 Jun 2006, 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i cant understand how anyone with good intentions could consider intelligance to be a negetive attribute

I did not read all of this thread. But i find INT in a women very sexy. I also love a women with glasses. If a person does not like you for who you are, it is that person's loss.

I don't see how people being turned off by intelligence is any different to how people are normally scared off by those perceived as being out of that person's 'league'. Come on, I'm sure many of you have had the experience of thinking, 'oh, that person's too <insert positive attribute here>, he/she's out of my league'. I don't think this is any different.

But it isn't about devaluing a person because they have positive attributes, as some people have suggested. It's about devaluing yourself in comparison to the other person, so you end up feeling unworthy of them. Nobody wants to feel unworthy or lacking in value, so if a person feels this way around a person, then they will basically flee. The trick is not to understate your own value (in this case intelligence), but to make the other person realise that you value their attributes as much as they do yours. Generally this is less of a problem if the other person is confident in themselves, and is not reliant on the approval of others for their self-esteem.

Let the other person decide your league status. If the person is happy with you, it does not matter whether they are "out of your league".

The point is, it makes no sense to disqualify yourself. If you disqualify yourself, then you are guaranteed disqualified. If you let the other person decide, then at least there is a chance.

It is like a magical pixie appears to you and offers you a choice: "Would you like to (a) lose, or (b) possibly win?" The foolish person chooses option A. Option A is disqualifying yourself. Option B is letting the other person decide.

99% of the 'mentally disabled' people I've met have been more perceptive and had more common sense than the average person.


Not always true. If I did 10 in a row I'd get bored and my score would start dropping.


Why?! Why can't we make a conscious effort to overcome our programming and be straightforward with each other? I did it with my boyfriend, and it has paid off. (For those who are interested, he is NT but super intelligent and great with computers. He's sitting behind me playing World of Warcraft right now.)


I've had people who were attracted to me for my looks, but who seemed to want me to dumb myself down for them. I was not interested in them, and I told them so very quickly. I would feel stifled if I was with someone who couldn't hold up their end of a stimulating conversation.

I am starting to think that many NT's actually ENJOY playing the game. For them, making an effort to avoid the game would be like making an effort to avoid eating your favorite food. It is a pleasurable and/or exciting activity for them. They do not want to avoid it. Someone who plays the game well is seen as fun. It is a GAME. Games are usually done for fun.

I think that intelligence is very important, as is physical attractiveness, but intelligence wins out for me. If I´m not that physically attracted to someone on sight, I can become very attracted to them if I find out they are very intelligent. However, no matter how good someone looks, if they don´t have anything going on upstairs, i can´t stand to talk to them really, and its not that they have to be superwomen in the IQ department, but they cant be a total ditz. I think I would just about shoot myself if I had to spend the day with Brittany Spears of Jessica Simpson.

But, meaningless dribble is important too. Its just that I need to know that the other person can talk intelligently too. I just cant talk chit chat if I know theres NO possibility for a meaningful conversation. However, if there is that possibility and there are meaningful conversations, then I have no problem making meaningless chit chat in between, in fact I prefer it. I find it boring to discuss meaningful things ALL the time, and meaningless things ALL the time, there has to be some humor and a connection in other ways.

I kinda still think its one of those things that are just more inherant in wiring. Its kinda like how so many people seem to love drama so much. Having a lot of nt friends IRL I also get to see a lot of those fights that seem to start over something that almost seemed to need a stretch to be misinterpreted properly, they'll start getting in an "f--- you" match or something not too far from it, and if anything I'm just laughing inside because while I used to be really horrified that people almost always chose that route over just dropping it or seeing things through I now get that its the result of that emotional addiction and a game in and of itself (though the scary part is that half the time they don't seem self-aware enough to fully get that). A lot of these relationships have been together for a long time and one of those things that I"m almost certain they need from eachother is that degree of fighting they have just because its primal, its base, and the primal and base regions of our brains are where sexual attraction comes from.

An answer to Who Am I on why we need to play those games: because while we technically could at least try to push ourselves away from that, in reality 99 out of 100 people won't and the one person who does will just end up lonely and miserable for their efforts. Also, while I used to get real upset about that I've had enough times where women liked me who I really wanted to like, should have liked, their personalities were awesome, but for the life of me I just couldn't find myself attracted - that at least humbled me to where I really wanted to work with what I felt was there rather than invent it because it just seemed like you'd be running the risk of really leading someone on (someone you had a lot of respect for) and then having moments where they'd be able to see right through you and it would hit them that much harder that you were 'trying' to be attracted to them. Like I was saying before, our sexual wiring as human beings is just really ghetto and the reason I really think we're wired toward alpha, plain and simple, is the whole evolutionary animal instinct regarding perpetuating the healthiest animal genes and culling the unhealthy. Seems like a lot of what our minds tend to percieve as healthy and vibrant are, looking at it from a human rather animal standpoint for a second, really not so good or so healthy when you'd like a society that functions better than ours does.

It can starts off positive but it can become a bad thing when the 'challenge' becomes deadlocked. I get the impression I'm suppose to 'yield' at some time. It's is worrying as it shows an inclination to want to boss me around which could mean a potentially one sided relationship. My last long term boyfriend turned out to be [emotionally] abusive. He was the dominant one in the relationship but as he stood a foot taller, 10 years older and was 'built' so it was pretty clear cut 'who wore the pants' from the begginning. My personality [or my confidence] has changed drastically since but I'm still finding that many males want a subordinate.. I may look the part [petite] but it's impossible for me to play it now. For one I wouldn't believe it.. and secondly I'm feeling too old to care about cradling someone else's ego now. It seems many men who do not want a woman that 'excells' them at anything. I come across as intelligent and fairly 'bold' in the way I speak but when I tell men I'm an artist that doesn't seem to be appreciated either.. and I don't think it's the 'poor starving artist' cleshe that scares them. This is probably why I go for musos etc. so there is some sort of equaliser in the talent area so I don't have to worry about being expected to compromise my self expression. I even had one guy seriously ask me "Would you be willing to give up painting if you got married?" I said no and they looked really surprised as though that would be selfish on my part. That comment has always perplexed me.
The battle of the sexes is frustrating and I want to steer clear of it.. but I don't want relationships being off limits forever.


I agree but I do tend to recognise intelligence in other people which does add to their physical beauty and atractiveness [thay have a 'spark'. ]. Perhaps this is where 'charisma' comes in.

Yeah- I'm hopeless at lieing or applying 'acting' to real life.. if I did this I can guarentee I'd fumble it and have the guy thinking I was serious. I know I have to change something about the way I act [without pretending or I'll lose my footing] but it's just figuring out what I'm doing wrong whch is the problem. Apparently I'm attractive but maybe I'm too icy or something. I'll put some more thought into it [as always ]

Xuincherguixe,
I didn't think a 'biting the heads of chickens' fetish was so much of a huge social problem that it needed it's own term so I decided you must be joking [as in "'geek' is the sound chicken make when you bite their heads off'-].. of course I looked it up and found that you were referring to a circus freak acts and not being literal.. now it makes sense.

If he was physically unattracted to her, he probably would have never went on a date with her in the first place. Maybe she was annoying, arrogant, or uppity. Maybe there were other things he didn't like about her. I still find it strange that he didn't make his exit until after she told him about her educational pursuits.

The people who are turned of by intelligence are just lazy and triflin' and don't want to make a better life for themselves. Some people don't want to excel or be successful. Some people are satisfied just "getting by" in life. And these types of people don't want intelligent people around them because it makes them look bad.

I think it's a bit of both. Some might be out of another's league. I remember at school the prettiest girl always went with the prettiest boys- like attracts like. If there's no-one like you.. who can you attract? I was an artistic prodigy- yet I was told, by inference and once even directly "Your gift is wasted on you." as though I should feel ashamed of myself for having the gall to have talent [teachers and kids bullied me]. In contrast my gifted male counterparts had their talent encouraged. Everything society taught me was how to be 'smaller'.. even sitting 'like a lady' involves minumalising one's size [tuck your legs under.. bring your arms in etc]. I'm in a very reflective mood atm so excuse me if I sound a bit odd.. apt as it is I was watching a late night movie and someone just said

"When you dim your light so someone else can shine.. the whole world gets darker."

This is basically how I've felt for quite awhile. I have so many beautiful painting.. yet I've never shown them in RL.. kind of like me. I don't know how to step beyond that point and I think I'm afraid that doing so will put me in a 'league' where I'm even more isolated from romantic possibilites.. thing is I'm already in a different league.. I'm just hiding it.