OK Cupid experiment: Full disclosure

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starygrrl
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09 Jan 2011, 10:46 am

Grisha wrote:
starygrrl wrote:
I don't think being an aspie hurts you. In fact you being honest about who you are helps more than anything. It just changes what doors open.

I would drop the mensa bit and just say you are intelligent. Mensa doesn't mean much honestly.

I would be careful about how you list the income, I would put it in the side part where it gives you the option to list demographic information, supposably guys with 100K+ jobs have really high response rates, so it is still good to list it. I would mention you have a stable job and profession, and even mentioning your career a bit can help.


I already dropped the Mensa thing, I adopted Chronos' text verbatim.

My income is in my demographic information, but like I mentioned before I don't think women care as much as is commonly believed.

I transitioned to being self-employed/entrepeneur in 2010, before that I was a sell-side analyst on Wall Street. I was a finalist for the Wall Street Journal's "Best on the Street" in 2009 in my sector (pharmaceuticals), but it seems too arrogant to mention it. My policy is to only disclose the details if asked...


I don't think they care about income as much after a certain point, but I think it is part of the overall demographic picture. For example, for you the limited education would be a red flag for me for a number of reasons. But the income in the demographics says...probably successful in business and not much of a risk. Being this calculating is not just an aspie thing, many women are. For me it gets down to how stable the guy is financially, which also means how stable the guy is in terms of mental health, etc. It ultimately is a safety thing when it gets down to it, though you cannot always factor these things in completely. I mean for me I want a guy at least as successful as me, if not more so.

Stability is very important to women. Emotional stability, economic stability, etc. We also like to know what we are getting into with any given guy. So full disclosure is a good thing on this issue. I don't think it is as much of a turnoff as you think. It seems you are on the very mild end of the spectrum, you are successful in life outside of love, so love will probably come eventually if you are willing to recognize and address your issues.



Quartz11
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09 Jan 2011, 10:54 am

I had someone look at my profile, and suggested to drop the part I quoted above about having AS.

I'm probably high functioning and mild enough to get away with it at first anyway.



Erisad
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09 Jan 2011, 10:59 am

Volodja wrote:
I always mentioned AS in my okcuoid profile. I think it depends on the kind of women you're looking for. Never been a problem for me I don't thionk


I never mentioned it on my profile because people have preconceived notions as to what AS is. I rather save that until after a few dates or whenever it comes up. When I DID have AS on my profile, all I got were creeps trying to psychoanalyze me or casual sex. That seemed to stop after I took that down. I don't know if it's coincidence or not but oh well.

Overall, your profile is good! :D



Grisha
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09 Jan 2011, 3:26 pm

UPDATE

It's been a couple of days since I "Aspied-up" my profile and I just got another bite.

She's totally cute, very smart, and we're macro-compatible on the most sensitve subjects (politics and religion).

I can't wait to meet her! :)

Anyway, I need a little help interpreting something she wrote (don't forget she knows I'm an Aspie):

Quote:
I feel comfy enough with your profile etc if you want to meet. I don't do these emails well especially when meeting and being like, wow, this was totally unexpected! In other words, I just may be impatient :)


Could one possible interpretation of this sentence be that she's "impatient" to meet me? Was she talking about me when she said "wow"? Why wouldn't she not "do emails well"?

That would be really cool 8) , but I'm not sure if I'm reading the sentence correctly.

Don't worry about bursting my bubble, I really need to know in order to improve my NT "Kung Fu"...



Aimless
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09 Jan 2011, 5:09 pm

I think she wants to skip the emails and meet you soon. :) Meaning I guess, there's a standard amount of time communicating by email before meeting and she wants to skip all the preliminaries because she already knows she likes you and feels comfortable.



Grisha
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09 Jan 2011, 5:26 pm

Aimless wrote:
I think she wants to skip the emails and meet you soon. :) Meaning I guess, there's a standard amount of time communicating by email before meeting and she wants to skip all the preliminaries because she already knows she likes you and feels comfortable.


Thanks.

That's what I thought it meant, I just wasn't sure (I'm naturally a little pessimistic)

I will make for an interesting first date: this time, I don't have to be hyper-paranoid about hiding my AS (like I actually could :roll: ), since it's already out there...



Ambivalence
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09 Jan 2011, 6:54 pm

I put it in the "most private thing" bit, although by the time anyone gets that far they'll have noticed I'm a wee bit unusual. I get the occasional visitor and the occasional response if I message people there. (It seems shockingly rude to me that people don't at least reply once, even if to say "bugger off, you loony"; but those people are certainly no loss to me!) ^^


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SabbraCadabra
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10 Jan 2011, 8:17 am

Sorry to hear that your experiment isn't going the way you hoped it would 8)

And I agree, that sentence she wrote is a little bit confusing.


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Jono
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10 Jan 2011, 11:22 am

Grisha wrote:
Aimless wrote:
I think she wants to skip the emails and meet you soon. :) Meaning I guess, there's a standard amount of time communicating by email before meeting and she wants to skip all the preliminaries because she already knows she likes you and feels comfortable.


Thanks.

That's what I thought it meant, I just wasn't sure (I'm naturally a little pessimistic)

I will make for an interesting first date: this time, I don't have to be hyper-paranoid about hiding my AS (like I actually could :roll: ), since it's already out there...


As long as she knows what to expect, I think you'll be fine.

Good luck Grisha!

Off-Topic: I've noticed that you're no longer an A-list member. Is that because you initially lost faith in finding someone on OKCupid?



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10 Jan 2011, 12:35 pm

That is precisely the type of profile that would attract me. I do believe honesty is very important. It will also work as a filter, to save you from going on unnecessary dates.



Grisha
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10 Jan 2011, 3:54 pm

Quote:
Off-Topic: I've noticed that you're no longer an A-list member. Is that because you initially lost faith in finding someone on OKCupid?


First of all thanks!

Second of all, there's a funny story behind the "A-list" thing. The card I used to pay for my membership was hacked: I got a call from my bank asking me if I was trying to make an ATM withdrawal in St Petersburg, Russia. I told them it was somewhat unlikely due to the fact that I was presently in California. They immediately cancelled my card and issued me a new one, haven't gotten around to updating OKC yet...



sunshower
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10 Jan 2011, 4:04 pm

Several points - firstly I think the profile looks great now!

Secondly, I can't understand how anyone could contact a person based on their profile photo alone. The very first thing I'd do would be to read the information about what sort of person that person is! Crazy world we live in.

Thirdly, good luck with this girl! I tried to decipher what her message was implying but unfortunately didn't get anywhere.


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10 Jan 2011, 7:20 pm

I gotta say kudos on having the courage to be upfront about it. I myself am trying the same strategy, for a different reason. If they're going to freak out, I'd rather they freak out before I get involved with them. Based on the fact I'm looking for a long-term relationship rather than a fling, this makes more sense logically. I can focus my efforts on the few people who would consider putting up with me being an eccentric homebody rather than the billions that wouldn't.

EDIT: And the confusing e-mail might be a grammatically poor attempt to explain why she is wanting to meet so soon after making contact, whereas many women are cautious about actually meeting people they meet online in person.



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10 Jan 2011, 8:39 pm

That's a good profile. I was not put off by the photo but I would add ad a pic of you in your jeep off-roading that would be cool.
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Dilbert
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10 Jan 2011, 8:40 pm

Wait... you have a Jeep? Which one? Any suspension mods? Which tires? ;)



Grisha
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10 Jan 2011, 10:13 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Wait... you have a Jeep? Which one? Any suspension mods? Which tires? ;)


This thread has really left the rails... :wink:

But since you ask: 2007 Wrangler Rubicon 4-door, completely stock at present, but I'm putting a 3.5" AEV lift and 35" Pro Comp MTs as we speak...

Very capable even stock, has 32" tires, front/rear electronic axle locks, electronic sway bar disconnect: I bought everything you could possibly put on it.