14 Nov 2011, 8:53 pm
15 Nov 2011, 12:14 am
Grisha wrote:
Sonicthesneak wrote:
True, a person can lie over the internet and stuff like that, but I'm being completely honest and so far all the women I met online have also been as honest. I'm willing to travel over land and air for true love; its the meeting someone that is hard for me.
Most of the women I have met online have been completely honest too, but some very important intangibles cannot effectively be conveyed online.
The one that really sticks out in my mind as an introverted Aspie is intellectual depth. I am certainly not a snob about IQ (whatever that is), and I don't need someone who can discuss Spinoza and Sartre over sushi (although 10 billion bonus points will be awarded if she can!
) but I am simply not compatible with someone that doesn't even know the capital of the state they live in. I've had long awkward pauses where any subject I bring up, no matter how mundane is received with a blank stare, we simply have an entirely different worldview. I am generally ignorant of pop culture, so I don't have that to fall back on. It was an awful feeling - these were supposedly "educated" women too, or at least they had acquired academic credentials.I'll jump on a plane in a heartbeat to meet the right person, but what if you travel to Kazakhstan and find out you are at a loss to be able to carry even a basic conversation?
[/bitter rant]
I understand. It sucks when you can only form a basic connection (let alone moving forward to other factors) with one person in a thousand.
15 Nov 2011, 8:06 am
sunshower wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Sonicthesneak wrote:
True, a person can lie over the internet and stuff like that, but I'm being completely honest and so far all the women I met online have also been as honest. I'm willing to travel over land and air for true love; its the meeting someone that is hard for me.
Most of the women I have met online have been completely honest too, but some very important intangibles cannot effectively be conveyed online.
The one that really sticks out in my mind as an introverted Aspie is intellectual depth. I am certainly not a snob about IQ (whatever that is), and I don't need someone who can discuss Spinoza and Sartre over sushi (although 10 billion bonus points will be awarded if she can!
) but I am simply not compatible with someone that doesn't even know the capital of the state they live in. I've had long awkward pauses where any subject I bring up, no matter how mundane is received with a blank stare, we simply have an entirely different worldview. I am generally ignorant of pop culture, so I don't have that to fall back on. It was an awful feeling - these were supposedly "educated" women too, or at least they had acquired academic credentials.I'll jump on a plane in a heartbeat to meet the right person, but what if you travel to Kazakhstan and find out you are at a loss to be able to carry even a basic conversation?
[/bitter rant]
I understand. It sucks when you can only form a basic connection (let alone moving forward to other factors) with one person in a thousand.
sunshower, do you have any insights on how we get past that kind of difficulty? Is it possible? I keep thinking that if I think on it enough, I'll solve the puzzle. So far, no dice.
15 Nov 2011, 8:11 am
mv wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Sonicthesneak wrote:
True, a person can lie over the internet and stuff like that, but I'm being completely honest and so far all the women I met online have also been as honest. I'm willing to travel over land and air for true love; its the meeting someone that is hard for me.
Most of the women I have met online have been completely honest too, but some very important intangibles cannot effectively be conveyed online.
The one that really sticks out in my mind as an introverted Aspie is intellectual depth. I am certainly not a snob about IQ (whatever that is), and I don't need someone who can discuss Spinoza and Sartre over sushi (although 10 billion bonus points will be awarded if she can!
) but I am simply not compatible with someone that doesn't even know the capital of the state they live in. I've had long awkward pauses where any subject I bring up, no matter how mundane is received with a blank stare, we simply have an entirely different worldview. I am generally ignorant of pop culture, so I don't have that to fall back on. It was an awful feeling - these were supposedly "educated" women too, or at least they had acquired academic credentials.I'll jump on a plane in a heartbeat to meet the right person, but what if you travel to Kazakhstan and find out you are at a loss to be able to carry even a basic conversation?
[/bitter rant]
I understand. It sucks when you can only form a basic connection (let alone moving forward to other factors) with one person in a thousand.
sunshower, do you have any insights on how we get past that kind of difficulty? Is it possible? I keep thinking that if I think on it enough, I'll solve the puzzle. So far, no dice.
I'm all-but-convinced that the answer is just dumb luck - nothing more, nothing less...
15 Nov 2011, 8:21 am
Grisha wrote:
mv wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Sonicthesneak wrote:
True, a person can lie over the internet and stuff like that, but I'm being completely honest and so far all the women I met online have also been as honest. I'm willing to travel over land and air for true love; its the meeting someone that is hard for me.
Most of the women I have met online have been completely honest too, but some very important intangibles cannot effectively be conveyed online.
The one that really sticks out in my mind as an introverted Aspie is intellectual depth. I am certainly not a snob about IQ (whatever that is), and I don't need someone who can discuss Spinoza and Sartre over sushi (although 10 billion bonus points will be awarded if she can!
) but I am simply not compatible with someone that doesn't even know the capital of the state they live in. I've had long awkward pauses where any subject I bring up, no matter how mundane is received with a blank stare, we simply have an entirely different worldview. I am generally ignorant of pop culture, so I don't have that to fall back on. It was an awful feeling - these were supposedly "educated" women too, or at least they had acquired academic credentials.I'll jump on a plane in a heartbeat to meet the right person, but what if you travel to Kazakhstan and find out you are at a loss to be able to carry even a basic conversation?
[/bitter rant]
I understand. It sucks when you can only form a basic connection (let alone moving forward to other factors) with one person in a thousand.
sunshower, do you have any insights on how we get past that kind of difficulty? Is it possible? I keep thinking that if I think on it enough, I'll solve the puzzle. So far, no dice.
I'm all-but-convinced that the answer is just dumb luck - nothing more, nothing less...
I'm inclined to agree with you, Grisha, but the last person I felt this for turned out to be an abusive sociopath. So I'm not trusting my "chooser" right now, if that makes sense. Still, I would LOVE to run across a streak of dumb luck like that again, albeit with someone worthy.
15 Nov 2011, 11:33 am
15 Nov 2011, 11:45 am
15 Nov 2011, 11:56 am
15 Nov 2011, 3:55 pm
Grisha wrote:
mv wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Sonicthesneak wrote:
True, a person can lie over the internet and stuff like that, but I'm being completely honest and so far all the women I met online have also been as honest. I'm willing to travel over land and air for true love; its the meeting someone that is hard for me.
Most of the women I have met online have been completely honest too, but some very important intangibles cannot effectively be conveyed online.
The one that really sticks out in my mind as an introverted Aspie is intellectual depth. I am certainly not a snob about IQ (whatever that is), and I don't need someone who can discuss Spinoza and Sartre over sushi (although 10 billion bonus points will be awarded if she can!
) but I am simply not compatible with someone that doesn't even know the capital of the state they live in. I've had long awkward pauses where any subject I bring up, no matter how mundane is received with a blank stare, we simply have an entirely different worldview. I am generally ignorant of pop culture, so I don't have that to fall back on. It was an awful feeling - these were supposedly "educated" women too, or at least they had acquired academic credentials.I'll jump on a plane in a heartbeat to meet the right person, but what if you travel to Kazakhstan and find out you are at a loss to be able to carry even a basic conversation?
[/bitter rant]
I understand. It sucks when you can only form a basic connection (let alone moving forward to other factors) with one person in a thousand.
sunshower, do you have any insights on how we get past that kind of difficulty? Is it possible? I keep thinking that if I think on it enough, I'll solve the puzzle. So far, no dice.
I'm all-but-convinced that the answer is just dumb luck - nothing more, nothing less...
Unfortunately, I agree with Grisha. I think the odds of the "dumb luck" occurring can be increased however by both increasing the number of people you socialize with, and socializing more with certain groups of people (I see you've increased your "pool" at least).
Personally, I prefer not to arrange my life and future plans around "dumb luck". I don't see me finding a long term relationship to be a certainty, and I prefer to devote my energies towards things with solid outcomes. A goal-oriented/career oriented life excites me far more than a wasted life moping and wandering about hoping I'll somehow magically discover "Mr Right".
mv, I'm pretty young to be dishing out relationship advice though, and I'm a firm believer in each person finding his or her own path in life. There are no right answers. A lot of people will tell you that your standards are too high, or you're not giving perfectly decent guys a chance because of snap judgements/initial impressions/superficial judgement criteria etc. This is nonsense. You, I, and I believe Grisha also (as well as others), know and understand that relationships are not so simple as finding a "nice guy/girl" who meets a list of pre-specified criteria of what a "nice guy/girl" is supposed to be in this modern day and age. If you cannot connect with someone on a deeper level, then attempting a relationship with them is pointless and futile; basically a waste of time. I believe you are better off alone than spending so much time with someone you are unable to connect with. It's unbelievably isolating.
Saying all this, please don't misunderstand me everyone, I think human relationships are an amazing, beautiful, complicated phenomena (thus my special interest in the social psychology of relationships and my some-time frequenting of this forum).
15 Nov 2011, 4:21 pm
