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Mr. no text back has texted back.

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Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 2:00 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
This guy could easily feed her a pack of lies and play the whole nice guy under the radar act to get into her panties whilst playing her.


Exactly.



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04 Mar 2012, 2:05 pm

Tequila wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
What do you people don't understand about I am really not interested in sex right now and am going to be perfectly clear about that to him, if he doesn't like it I doubt he's going to want to hang out with me again anyways.


I'm sure he can use his charm and silver tongue in order to overcome your lack of interest in sex.

Avoid this man. He's bad news.


You can't be sure, you don't know the guy and you don't know me to well either...I was told from people here to be careful, I have already expressed that is my plan...I don't see what more i am supposed to say. I personally would like to text him back, that does not imply I'm going to go falling for him or something.


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04 Mar 2012, 2:07 pm

smudge wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
smudge wrote:
A text takes less than a minute to compose. One asking for you to give him some space would only take a few seconds. If someone cares, they wouldn't leave you hanging like that. You would do it for him, no? Why hang out with someone who wouldn't treat you the same way?


texting back and hanging out are two different things.


You've taken it too literally. What I meant was - why communicate with someone who wouldn't treat you the same way?


Because i want to know why he didn't text me back, simple as that...I am curious what is going on and if whatever it is to me is a good enough reason for him not to have texted back till now.


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smudge
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04 Mar 2012, 2:08 pm

conundrum wrote:
Tequila wrote:
I'm sure he can use his charm and silver tongue in order to overcome your lack of interest in sex.


That's kind of insulting...implying that someone has no self-control...sheesh. :roll:


No offense to Sweetleaf or any other females, but I've known a lot of females (myself included) who are suckers for men like this. I'm not saying SL is going to be sucked in, but I'm not saying she isn't. Women don't trust their gut instincts that a man is BSing them. I'd have avoided a guy like this ages ago, but that's only because I've read books that have confirmed that men who appear really nice, do in fact lie - it is human nature to push boundaries and to be manipulative. They do it exactly by being nice, and they manipulate you by their availability, so that any crumb they feed to you, you'll eat from their hand. They do it by making up any excuse (my mum died, my phone died, my ex died, I've been busy) about why they haven't been in touch, just to make their lives easier, not yours. That may sound very cold of me to say, but people WILL use reasons like that as excuses, so they get to control you by making you sympathetic towards them, and therefore allowing them to get away with more because they "Can't help it".

When the other person controls when communication is allowed - it shows a real lack of respect. People should not tolerate it from either sex.



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04 Mar 2012, 2:09 pm

conundrum wrote:
Tequila wrote:
I'm sure he can use his charm and silver tongue in order to overcome your lack of interest in sex.


That's kind of insulting...implying that someone has no self-control...sheesh. :roll:

Sweetleaf: do what you feel you need to do. I'm in a similar situation now (well, kind of--if you're interested in details PM me) and I understand your need to know what happened before and what he wants now, if anything.

You're not an idiot. You'll know what to do (or not).


See I have no problem with people giving me their opinion, but for f*cks sake its almost like people just try to intimidate me into doing as they say and telling me how easy to fool I must be rather then any actual any concern about me having a bad experience with this. But I have been a bit paranoid so maybe that's not actually the case.....so nevermind that.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 2:14 pm

smudge wrote:
conundrum wrote:
Tequila wrote:
I'm sure he can use his charm and silver tongue in order to overcome your lack of interest in sex.


That's kind of insulting...implying that someone has no self-control...sheesh. :roll:


No offense to Sweetleaf or any other females, but I've known a lot of females (myself included) who are suckers for men like this. I'm not saying SL is going to be sucked in, but I'm not saying she isn't. Women don't trust their gut instincts that a man is BSing them. I'd have avoided a guy like this ages ago, but that's only because I've read books that have confirmed that men who appear really nice, do in fact lie - it is human nature to push boundaries and to be manipulative. They do it exactly by being nice, and they manipulate you by their availability, so that any crumb they feed to you, you'll eat from their hand. They do it by making up any excuse (my mum died, my phone died, my ex died, I've been busy) about why they haven't been in touch, just to make their lives easier, not yours. That may sound very cold of me to say, but people WILL use reasons like that as excuses, so they get to control you by making you sympathetic towards them, and therefore allowing them to get away with more because they "Can't help it".

When the other person controls when communication is allowed - it shows a real lack of respect. People should not tolerate it from either sex.


I actually do trust my gut instincts, and my gut instincts are telling me that this time is not like those other times.....that is part of why I am feeling rather stubborn about this. Also he was not making up an excuse when he told me that, this was before he didn't text back, we where just talking and he brought up his girlfriend had died......I guess technically that makes her his ex and then last time I saw him he said he had a bunch of crap he had to deal with and that a friend of his had killed himself.....then of course I went home since he works and couple days later texted to see if he wanted to hang out......and he said probably not that next weekend but hed let me know if he could saturday or sunday(over two weeks ago)..........then never texted back until last night and I have yet to respond.

So I know what you are saying but it seems there might be more to this....but I don't know.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 2:17 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
conundrum wrote:
You're not an idiot. You'll know what to do (or not).


Remember a person can always rationalize what to do or think they know what to do without truly realizing it is detrimental to them or that they are being emotionally and psychologically manipulated. This guy could easily feed her a pack of lies and play the whole nice guy under the radar act to get into her panties whilst playing her.


Yes but maybe people are not always out to manipulate me, and I already explained I understand that is a possibility, but why do you have to keep pushing the issue. Do you think its fun that I've been used in the past?


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04 Mar 2012, 3:08 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
conundrum wrote:
You're not an idiot. You'll know what to do (or not).


Remember a person can always rationalize what to do or think they know what to do without truly realizing it is detrimental to them or that they are being emotionally and psychologically manipulated. This guy could easily feed her a pack of lies and play the whole nice guy under the radar act to get into her panties whilst playing her.


Yes but maybe people are not always out to manipulate me, and I already explained I understand that is a possibility, but why do you have to keep pushing the issue. Do you think its fun that I've been used in the past?


We're all looking out for you, because at least from my experience anyway, the kind of person we're describing is common, and we don't want you to get hurt. People with AS might as well have a target painted on their heads for it. I've known people with AS who appear pretty level-headed to be utterly clueless in this kind of situation. I've been manipulated by others with AS, even. Yes, we don't know you, but we're trying to make you aware in case you aren't, because a lot of people aren't aware, AS or not. People who manipulate by appearing nice are far more common than those who manipulate by appearing nasty.



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04 Mar 2012, 3:29 pm

smudge wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
conundrum wrote:
You're not an idiot. You'll know what to do (or not).


Remember a person can always rationalize what to do or think they know what to do without truly realizing it is detrimental to them or that they are being emotionally and psychologically manipulated. This guy could easily feed her a pack of lies and play the whole nice guy under the radar act to get into her panties whilst playing her.


Yes but maybe people are not always out to manipulate me, and I already explained I understand that is a possibility, but why do you have to keep pushing the issue. Do you think its fun that I've been used in the past?


We're all looking out for you, because at least from my experience anyway, the kind of person we're describing is common, and we don't want you to get hurt. People with AS might as well have a target painted on their heads for it. I've known people with AS who appear pretty level-headed to be utterly clueless in this kind of situation. I've been manipulated by others with AS, even. Yes, we don't know you, but we're trying to make you aware in case you aren't, because a lot of people aren't aware, AS or not. People who manipulate by appearing nice are far more common than those who manipulate by appearing nasty.


For all I know this dude has AS, I guess I don't see what harm simply texting back and trying to find out why he went without contacting me that long would do.


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hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 3:48 pm

well, if you were certain that it is the best thing to do, then you probably would have done it already - without asking for advice on the forum. but now that people are stating that they think it is a bad idea, you are becoming more entrenched in giving this guy a chance to explain himself. it's a psychological phenomenon where the more people disagree with someone who is somewhat wavering in their idea, the more certain that person will become.

in a sense you have now gotten to the point that you are slightly defending him, and i expect that the more people argue with you now, the more you will start to feel sorry for him. and you will therefore be more willing to accept his excuses at face value.

Quote:
Resistance means that very persuasive arguments can backfire. People who successfully resist persuasion often become even more entrenched in their wrong-headed opinions, and the stronger, more credible or authoritative they perceive the attempt at persuasion to be, the more certain of their opinions they become when they resist it (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol 83, p 1298).

At first blush, this seems paradoxical. You might think a strong, authoritative argument would hold greater sway. Not necessarily. It seems that if people resist good arguments presented by an expert, they conclude their own arguments must be even stronger.

This sets up a bit of a catch-22. "If you want to change people's attitudes, it's good to have strong arguments," says Zakary Tormala of Stanford University. "But if they manage to resist your message, they might become more certain of the very attitudes you want to change."


Sweetleaf, what this means is that we can tell you how full of crap this guy probably is, but the more we attack him, the more you become likely to give him another chance. it's a conundrum, because i can point out the ways in which he has clearly worked hard to try to manipulate you. but if i do so then you'll become even more resistant to our message here.

we don't think you are stupid or easy to manipulate at all, but i think that you are reading that in our posts. we are genuinely concerned for you because you have expressed some ideas that point to extremely low self-esteem and some behaviours that point to a nihilistic tendency. so we have been doing our best to express to you that you deserve better treatment than that guy has given you. there is really no way for us to tell you that in a way that you will believe.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 3:55 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
well, if you were certain that it is the best thing to do, then you probably would have done it already - without asking for advice on the forum. but now that people are stating that they think it is a bad idea, you are becoming more entrenched in giving this guy a chance to explain himself. it's a psychological phenomenon where the more people disagree with someone who is somewhat wavering in their idea, the more certain that person will become.

in a sense you have now gotten to the point that you are slightly defending him, and i expect that the more people argue with you now, the more you will start to feel sorry for him. and you will therefore be more willing to accept his excuses at face value.

Quote:
Resistance means that very persuasive arguments can backfire. People who successfully resist persuasion often become even more entrenched in their wrong-headed opinions, and the stronger, more credible or authoritative they perceive the attempt at persuasion to be, the more certain of their opinions they become when they resist it (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol 83, p 1298).

At first blush, this seems paradoxical. You might think a strong, authoritative argument would hold greater sway. Not necessarily. It seems that if people resist good arguments presented by an expert, they conclude their own arguments must be even stronger.

This sets up a bit of a catch-22. "If you want to change people's attitudes, it's good to have strong arguments," says Zakary Tormala of Stanford University. "But if they manage to resist your message, they might become more certain of the very attitudes you want to change."


Sweetleaf, what this means is that we can tell you how full of crap this guy probably is, but the more we attack him, the more you become likely to give him another chance. it's a conundrum, because i can point out the ways in which he has clearly worked hard to try to manipulate you. but if i do so then you'll become even more resistant to our message here.

we don't think you are stupid or easy to manipulate at all, but i think that you are reading that in our posts. we are genuinely concerned for you because you have expressed some ideas that point to extremely low self-esteem and some behaviours that point to a nihilistic tendency. so we have been doing our best to express to you that you deserve better treatment than that guy has given you. there is really no way for us to tell you that in a way that you will believe.


Yes I understand all that, I was already planning to text back though before I posted this....I just wanted to know how people thought I should handle the issue of texting back. I could always give an update on what he says when he texts back if he does, then maybe things will be more clear.......But as of now I don't know why he did not call or text back, so I don't feel I or anyone else here can make a total accurate judgement until I text back.....I mean all that anyone is basing any manipulation on is that he did not text back for a while for an unknown reason. Other then that I don't feel like I was tricked into anything or anything like that.

If he had a valid reason, I guess I don't see how the fact he finally texted back last night is bad treatment of me...if he was in fact using me like has happened in the past then I'm not going to just be a door mat or whatever and give him a chance to do it again. I guess maybe I feel a few people are a bit more concerned with giving me a hard time about this than helping....but as I said before I could be wrong.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 04 Mar 2012, 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 3:56 pm

so what is a good reason for him to have waited so long?


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04 Mar 2012, 3:59 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
so what is a good reason for him to have waited so long?


Before he went without texting me informed me that he had a bunch of legal crap about his drivers liscense to deal with, his friend had just killed himself so he was upset about that and he also mentioned the chick he was with before being deceased. Maybe he had a lot to deal with and didn't know what to say....I mean its very possible it was something like that, I over-analyzed it and assumed it meant he was not interested.

There are other possibilities to, I guess I just don't understand why the only possibility anyone wants to focus on is 'oh he must have just used you because you're so easy to manipulate.' I mean yes that is a possibility and I would kind of prefer if that's not the case, it would actually make me feel a little better.......so maybe that is why I don't want to jump to the worst conclusions I can about it right now.


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hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 4:01 pm

what if he just says, "i was busy dealing with stuff"?


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:02 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
what if he just says, "i was busy dealing with stuff"?


Then I guess I would say, same here...but if he really wants to know how I'm doing and seems intrested I'll probably have more to say


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Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 4:04 pm

smudge wrote:
People who manipulate by appearing nice are far more common than those who manipulate by appearing nasty.


Because it's also more tricky to do, amirite?