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Why wont he answer me?

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happy2know
Butterfly
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30 Apr 2012, 9:33 am

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The comforting thing is that after I ask the quesions and then get no response, our interactions are still positive. Meaning I'll talk to him in person and it's not awkward. He doesn't seem upset and if I email something else I'll get a response. It's like nothing ever happened.

If this was a situation between NT's, I think with the non responsiveness there would be some tension or even some avoidance of any contact, in person or otherwise. Because as mentioned, in the NT world, not responding can be interprted as being rude.


This is exactly how it is with my Aspie guy. I can say/ask anything in a text and he choses to answer it or not. But we never talk about it and it is just like it never happened when we see each other again and it's not awkward. It's weird but yet it makes it feel like the text has not much meaning and the relationship is the important thing, if that makes sense?



happy2know
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30 Apr 2012, 9:50 am

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Last thing to keep in mind: consider the alternatives. There are reactions worse than silence. A few times, I got horrible, shocking, vicious responses that ripped my heart out and made me wish for silence. All he meant was, "I'm freaking out and can't deal right now." But I didn't know that at the time. So after a few of those, silence was actually a huge relief.


Wow! I can totally relate to this too!! I have gotten the same when I pushed for "feelings" but then after a day or so, when we would see each other in person he would be begging me "with his eyes" and sweet behavior to forgive him and forget.



IlovemyAspie
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30 Apr 2012, 4:08 pm

I can't imagine what I'd do if he "went off" on me. I'd of course make myself understand that it wasn't personal. but it would be hard. One day I went to touch his hair as I had done many times before. He motioned for me to move away and then he said "DON'T.." I backed away and kept talking like nothing happened. It really rattled me. IT REALLY RATTLED ME! :cry: I got over it eventually but it hurt my heart. Thank goodness this was AFTER he told me about his AS. I would have been crushed and devastated had I not known . Later that day he told me he was in a bad mood that day. I kind of think that was his way of explaining his actions and apologizing. Maybe it wasn't but I like to think so.