Nice guys REALLY DO finish last.

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21 May 2012, 3:30 pm

Some things:

1) There is a huge pressure on people for them to say they want X and X when asked what they seek in a partner (and oh the backlash should they dare to seek otherwise!). Women will not off the bat go "I want the really good looking guy I don't care too much if he's a jerk as long as he is routine, stable, treats me right and can provide reasonably well.". So what they will say is like the OP said "I want a nice guy that blablabla". And sure, they'd like those things but for many they simply aren't essential as the security and chemistry (combined physical / emotional) a partner offers. So this is why you see women with guys that the bitter "nice guy" would say "why can't that be me, I'm more deserving!" to. The women also hope to change these men, or bring out the nice guy in them so they have the complete package. It rarely works, but there's no harm in trying to inspire positive change.

2) You're relatively new, so welcome as others have mentioned, the "Nice guy" routine and lines have been said and done a million times here and usually result in a few bite marks, cuts, and tears! So watch yourself lol. There are various things that make a guy nice, and a lot of other negative things that shove people in the "nice guy" category (you don't want to be shoved in there). Over time, you will get a better understanding from simply reading all the threads in this L&D section.

3) With the above 2 points mentioned, don't give up hope live and learn. Adapt where you can. And be prosperous!!

-JM.

Who_Am_I
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21 May 2012, 4:22 pm

mds_02 wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume you aren't aware of the way this forum reacts when some one uses the phrase "Nice guy". Essentially a certain cohort of posters assume "Nice guy" is a Dog Whistle for saying that "I'm nice and do stuff for women in the hopes of guilting them into having sex with me, aren't I an evil salacious bastard!, and then get angry when they see through my nefarious plan!, all while twirling my moustachios." There is apparently no variance allowed here, if you use the phrase "Nice guy' you are snidely whiplash, there is no possibility that you simply are to nice and it comes across as disingenuous or people take advantage of you, since the same posters will also tell you that no women would ever take advantage of a man she considers and easy mark.

Is it surprising to you that women feel insulted when it's implied that their entire gender are stupid (just look at the awful romantic choices they invariably make) ungrateful (they didn't want the "nice guy" even after all he did for them) liars (how dare they pretend to want a nice guy)? Or that men feel insulted when it's assumed, based on their relationship status, that they must be superficial a**holes only out for a quick lay?

It's not niceness that turns women off, it's the almost tangible waves of desperation and bitterness that seem to emanate from pretty much every guy who attaches the "nice guy" label to himself.

Thank you.

Also, if you have Asperger's, it's not your niceness turning people off; it's having the social skills of a 6-year-old.

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MXH
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21 May 2012, 4:34 pm

cyberscan wrote:

Yes, it is very true. Nice guys do finish last. To get ahead in this world means that you have to stop being a nice guy.
I suggest for guys out there who are looking (for women) to read the pickup artist book called, "The Game." I believe, that the OP is right on the money. Even when a nice guy is not "after a woman," he can expect to be used and abused. I have on many cases helped people out of desperate situations only to find out that they have laughed about my generosity later. In order to learn how to "get woman," one has to learn how to manipulate their emotions. The book called, "The Game" teaches exactly that. The methods may not work on all women, but they will work on women in general. For all of the people who will be offended at my suggestion, please realize that I say, "in general." My recommendation is based upon 43 years of experience.

Yes, the same books that talks how the guy that has all this "game" (mystery the pua) ends up in a psych ward after being suicidally depressed and starts hitting on the nurses and they laugh him away. And that the author later finds out that being this PUA means nobody will ever take him serious again and he wont have any meaningful relationships. That book?

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21 May 2012, 4:40 pm

That's been a know fact for centuries, it's the circle of life. The weak and timid don't survive.

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21 May 2012, 5:01 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:

That's been a know fact for centuries, it's the circle of life. The weak and timid don't survive.

That's a rather superficial view of things - in reality, apex predators are the most vulnerable and usually among the first to go in any sort of ecosystem collapse. Likewise my experience in work is that the best workplaces tend to weed out the people who make a sport of making other workers feel miserable, because it's bad for morale and causes problems.

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21 May 2012, 6:57 pm

To the OP,

No, nice guys; and I do really mean nice guys: caring, loving, supportive, loyal, and sensitive; shouldn't worry about finishing first or last as for them it shouldn't be about a race. It should be about the relationship. I imagine that nice guys are the ones who end up in the most long term relationships and don't have casual flings, which is what the "jerks" are up to. Those "douchebags" aren't finishing first, they're just dating more. It really depends on what you're looking for.
I'd consider yourself fortunate to not be getting anywhere with those women. Someday you'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are, and that's the only person you should worry about finding.

Some women do want a nice guy.
My boyfriend is a nice guy and I love him more than I love anyone on this earth.

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21 May 2012, 8:02 pm

Casstranquility wrote:

the difference is having to wait. the urges to find a mate and procreate, EG going at it like well.. rabbits.. is just as strong in the less successful as it is in anyone else. Constant failure, lack of any success of any merit, repeated dismissal by every female you talk to, or endlessly winding up "Just being friends" with the few who don't brush you off entirely.. adds tot he feeling of frustration, frustration leads to anger, anger leads to bitterness.

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21 May 2012, 8:07 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8[/youtube]
i bought this song a while back.

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21 May 2012, 8:13 pm

rabbittss wrote:

Casstranquility wrote:

some of your posts don't come across very nice on the boards, so do you think the label is appropriate? i am not that nice sometimes, and i wouldn't consider myself a "nice girl" as it wouldn't really be accurate.

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rabbittss
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21 May 2012, 8:19 pm

That's because what you are seeing is me venting the frustration, anger and bitterness in an attempt to get rid of it. It won't go away, not entirely anyway, the only thing that does away with frustration is success.

But as I've said repeatedly, I don't speak to people in real life the way that I type on this forum. If you notice, none of my other posts on this forum, in the Haven or in the School forum.. come across as vicious or mean like they do here. They come across as Scared, Frustrated (for completely different reasons) or sad.

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21 May 2012, 8:24 pm

rabbittss wrote:

if you are carrying negativity around, surely people see it. i've had guys ask me out but i have refused because i felt a burning undercurrent of bitterness coming from them.

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21 May 2012, 8:29 pm

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Well you can go with that if you want.

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21 May 2012, 8:30 pm

So the moral of this story is just become a Jersey Shore cool bro, then get all the wimmenz.

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21 May 2012, 8:31 pm

1000Knives wrote:

So the moral of this story is just become a Jersey Shore cool bro, then get all the wimmenz.

not unless you want a Jersey Shore woman.

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21 May 2012, 8:31 pm

1000Knives wrote:

So the moral of this story is just become a Jersey Shore cool bro, then get all the wimmenz.

Don't reveal my plan!

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21 May 2012, 8:36 pm

Jersey Shore is a show created to be a social guidebook for people with Aspergers, to teach them all about love, life, and morals.

Hyperlexian...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU0Pdtv0xJQ[/youtube]

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