Have you ever changed your mind?

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I've had both reactions depending on how into the other person I was.

Hallelujah!! ! I'm back in here. Who knew web traffic could be just as bad as street traffic! Cloud flare blah blah blah...

Thanks! I'm glad you feel this is something worth discussing.

Okay so you will try to put forth some effort if you are interested as well, otherwise if there's no interest, its a wrap?

No kidding, right?

I've been following this discussion with great interest. ILMA is quite the close questioner, so I'll just continue to spectate.

Still waiting to hear some feedback on the asexual issue that was brought up. Can your sexuality be suddenly awakened after lying dormant for "x" amount of time?

Yes, I've been dormant for a couple years once but I don't consider that asexual, it's just a temporary phase, usually from depression.

To both of you: how do you think dealing with this for so long will affect how you approach relationships in the future?

I got so wrapped up in everyone else I neglected to share my story. I had been married for over 15 years and the relationship was just awful. My 2 kids are the only positive fruitage of the relationship. I vowed never to enter another relationship and also that I was done with having children. Slowly I realized that I deserved a loving and healthy relationship and that's what I started to yearn for. Fast forward a couple years and my mind has completely changed, even the part about having more kids. I would have kids with my Aspie in a heartbeat if he asked me too!

Yeah, your reasons for making a decision in the moment can change over time, and so it's quite okay to make different decisions later. People tend to say, "never again," because that's how they feel in the moment, but no one, including them, can know how they will feel tomorrow, next week, 5 years from now. It's unrealistic to hold yourself to your own threats or promises if things change.

Hm...this could get long. PM me for the answer, if you want it.

My story, briefly: I was with my ex-husband for 10 years. We were best friends and stuck tight through many tough times. But the relationship was chaos. To him, everything is disposable and expendable: jobs, locations, cars, bikes, stuff - he couldn't even commit to a coffeemaker for more than a few months. As soon as something frustrates him, he trades it in or throws it out. Eventually, he did it to me too. That left me with deep anxieties and insecurities (also derailed my career), so now I absolutely require stability. I didn't know about my guy's AS until fairly recently, but I was thrilled to learn that Aspies loathe change! Yes indeed, so he does. That's not working in my favor at the moment, but every indication is that it's a phase he's working through.

Well I'm not out yet, we still have to live together for the time being because of finances etc, so I haven't given that much thought yet.

At a guess I'd say I'll be more practical and down-to-earth about everything and much less head-in-the-clouds about it. Very strict boundaries. No interest in "fixing" anyone. Way more cautious about getting into a living arrangement. And to be totally frank, no bipolars. I hate to discriminate against anyone on the basis of something that isn't their fault, but I've sustained all I can take from that, I tried for over a decade and I think I'm just not the sort of person that is equipped to deal with it.

Everyone who wants to give that, deserves it in return.

Currenlty I am changing my mind getting back. Into the dating game even though falling in love is a fear of mine.

Waitykaity: did you know after your marriage that you would be willing to try again?

Edge waters: there's nothing wrong with saying "no bi-polars". You've been there done that and it didn't work. At least you can say it was because it really didn't work out as opposed to "you didn't think"it would work.

Joker:Million dollar question, what's making you change your mind??? And why do you fear falling in love?

For me, it isn't really a question of "being willing to try again." I like being in a relationship. I would even say that I need to be in a relationship. I don't do so great on my own and need the structure. My relationships are strong and long-term, so there have only been a few. But following a bad experience, I definitely need to decompress, a "leave me alone" period of 6-12 months. But not too long, or I start driving myself crazy. It has definitely been too long now! I sort of dated an old friend for a while last year, and I'm close friends with another who wants more. I'm very fond of them, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with either of them, and won't be.

In relation to my Aspie, it was a huge mistake that we didn't wind up together in the first place. I thought we were made for each other, he agreed, and so did everyone who knew us. (That was a few years before we both went off and naively married the wrong people. Just a few *slight* miscommunications. ) Now that we are finally understanding each other (well, better than we used to, anyway) my view is that life has given us the chance to get it right this time. I'm not sure how he sees it, exactly, but he has called it a "no-brainer." He too prefers (needs?) to be in a relationship, but his decompression periods are a LOT longer than mine. So I don't think it is a question of "being willing to try again" for him either. He just needs a lot of time to sort himself out. He has frequently expressed fear of hurting me - and now I know what he means - so, as hard as it is on me, I want him to take the time he needs.

I'm two for two on nutjobs and I am totally on a break. The experience of being in relationships with two bipolar sufferers in row has made me extremely cautious and I really will be watching for the signs in any future woman I meet. I have been incredibly naive about it all. The girl I was with for 10 years, I actually thought she had 'bad PMT' ahaha and the second girl I was with for 6 months only confirmed the symptoms and opened my eyes.
Having your girlfriend who you love dearly accuse you of settling and causing arguments while your mother is on her deathbed is just ridiculously poor form. I know now that all the incidents in our relationship were caused by her depression.