out of sight out of mind?

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There are. I could accept that, if there was a good reason for it. I found it, and so did you. Still. Understanding doesn't change our needs, or how awful that can feel. A couple of times, my guy has said things that made me physically nauseated. I haven't thrown up on him yet, but I might! You could always try that. ( Just trying to make you smile.)


Poor thing. You know what you're doing, and it sounds like you've got your priorities straight. Focus on accomplishing your trip, do your emoting when you can, and then see. I try very hard not to make big decisions while I'm that emotional. Just rage and cry and get it out of my system first, then consider the options. Doing nothing is always an option - sometimes the best one.

P.S. What is NTSD?

And you did!



Yes, "do nothing" is good advice. My "reacting" is what always gets me in trouble, and has again this time. I process too fast and have no filter.
I'm looking forward to leaving and having a great trip and screw him.
I've said it once and i'll say it again: I am a really, really patient person, but I hate to be taken for an idiot. Once I'm finally moving on, I'm moving on and I won't look back.




I'm glad you asked.
I made it up: It stands for Neuro Typical Spectrum Disorder

Personally I'd still talk to him as a friend but let him initiate contact.
I would as a secondary option have someone from his family tell you how he is doing if he's not going to talk to you.
This is if it doesn't work out for you both.

Same for me, although having a crazy parent trained me to put a lid on that from a young age. I defer it, if I'm just emoting, rather than thinking. I haven't to talked to him in years, so I'm kind of out of practice (which is the only thing about him I miss)! But then, I also have a strong alexithymic streak. It can take me weeks or months to figure out what my true feelings are, and then figure out how to articulate them. That gets me in trouble too. Can't win.


I don't think anyone thinks you're an idiot. It can momentarily feel that way, but I doubt that's how he perceives it. If he's had a string of failed relationships, and now he's about to lose you - probably the best thing that ever happened to him - I'd wager that he's too busy feeling like the idiot, to consider whether you are too. Don't let your insecurities eat you alive. Most of them are unfounded and ridiculous.

In my case, the problem almost always comes down to expectations, in both directions. Recognizing that we even have an expectation at all, as they can be so subconscious and "obvious." Failure to communicate clearly about them. Faulty assumptions. I've already inferred a lot on my own, but I have a script that goes something like this: "I am upset because I have an expectation that ______. I think that's reasonable, but maybe it isn't. If not, please explain why, and what would be more reasonable to expect."

I'm sure you already do all those things - easier said than done, in the heat of the moment - and maybe it's too late. You've made a huge investment in this guy, and it would be a shame to let that go. But then, if you've shifted your expectations as much as you're able to, and still he's not able or willing to shift his, you can't annihilate yourself if you're pretty sure that isn't going to change. I can only speculate, but in the long run, I think your absence would be harder on him than vice versa. I mean, you're already used to his absence. That makes you the one in control, not him.

Just something to think about.


LOL, nice! So true. ToughDiamond pointed this site out to me. Have you seen it? Quite educational.
http://isnt.autistics.org/

UPDATE:
He came back to me, over a year later.
Told me he f****d up
We are talking...