this is not acceptable!! !
07 Aug 2012, 2:48 pm
transfomingcar, I find your posts rather disturbing. Your attitude is severely pessimistic and your focus is only on a romantic connection. You will never be happy this way because there is and always will be more to life than romance.
Though I am no expert, ss far as I can tell, you don't respect yourself. I don't care if you love yourself or not, because that is not as important as respect, but if you don't respect yourself, how can you hope for anyone else to respect and love you? And before you say that you have never been respected or loved in your life, that all those anonymous people who have treated you like dirt have destroyed you, I feel I must point out that they don't matter. Change starts with yourself, not with other people. Change yourself.
Stop blaming people, animals and the universe in general for your lot in life. And, good Lord, how on earth is society to blame and why are you so important it has a vested interest in your continued unhappiness? Please get over yourself, because that attitude is only annoying and not sympathetic at all.
You have no one right now, so you had better start living for yourself until that special someone comes along. If you don't live for yourself first, especially when you currently have no one else to live for, then what are doing? Drifting? Simply existing for the sake of existence? I can think of nothing more empty and meaningless than that.
And why are you more deserving of love than any other Average Joe out there? Again, why are you so important? What reason is there for your romantic fulfillment to be on the universe's priority list? Work for it yourself.
Stop obsessing over what other people think of you, and start working towards being a better, happier person on your power. Don't expect all your ducks to waddle into a row without any effort on your part. DO somthing.
And as other people have pointed out, there are different kinds of love. Familial love, love for animals, love for art or love for whimsy. Love for the world in general, if you want. Don't delude yourself into thinking that romantic love is that only kind that counts.
And before you rant at me, as you have done to so many other perfectly polite people, I also want to find love. Its what I dream of. I want someone who will love me and hold me, and genuinely care about and respect me. I want him to love my flaws as much as my virtues, be willing to argue if I'm wrong, listen if I'm right and help me reach my goals. But finding this person is not the sole reason for my continued existence. I have many goals, many dreams, some more important than others. I know I will be happy without a life-mate, perhaps less than I would be with one, but I will be happy. And even if and when I find this person, I will still be my own person, and have a life besides clinging to him every second, and drawing every breath for his sake. And I hope he will think the same.
And before you throw up your terrible past as a defense, I will point out that terrible things happen to everyone. I have lived a nightmare, I know what its like to be torn to sheds from the inside out, but I am working past it. I absolutely refuse to wallow, because then the people who have hurt me so deeply win, and I lose everything, even more than what they have intended. And I, as someone who has been hurt and terrified and humiliated, find it insulting when others who have suffered similiar things refuse to move ahead. And worse, when they use their suffering as an excuse. Its weak and disrespectful, to yourself and others.
Find a cause other than finding the love of your life. Find some other reason to live, because then, when that person finally comes along, your life will only be that much more fulfilling.
And have patience. No love blossoms overnight. You sound as young as I do, and even if you are not, you still have a good long life ahead of you. Make it count.
I'm sorry if my honesty insults you, but please, consider what I have said? I might be annoyed with your attitude, but I don't want you to unhappy. What I have said is the truth. What other people have said is the truth. The truth hurts, but it also helps and heals. Don't disregard it.
07 Aug 2012, 6:38 pm
^^^^^
Why on earth would you make a plan like that?
07 Aug 2012, 8:15 pm
Though I am no expert, ss far as I can tell, you don't respect yourself. I don't care if you love yourself or not, because that is not as important as respect, but if you don't respect yourself, how can you hope for anyone else to respect and love you? And before you say that you have never been respected or loved in your life, that all those anonymous people who have treated you like dirt have destroyed you, I feel I must point out that they don't matter. Change starts with yourself, not with other people. Change yourself.
Stop blaming people, animals and the universe in general for your lot in life. And, good Lord, how on earth is society to blame and why are you so important it has a vested interest in your continued unhappiness? Please get over yourself, because that attitude is only annoying and not sympathetic at all.
You have no one right now, so you had better start living for yourself until that special someone comes along. If you don't live for yourself first, especially when you currently have no one else to live for, then what are doing? Drifting? Simply existing for the sake of existence? I can think of nothing more empty and meaningless than that.
And why are you more deserving of love than any other Average Joe out there? Again, why are you so important? What reason is there for your romantic fulfillment to be on the universe's priority list? Work for it yourself.
Stop obsessing over what other people think of you, and start working towards being a better, happier person on your power. Don't expect all your ducks to waddle into a row without any effort on your part. DO somthing.
And as other people have pointed out, there are different kinds of love. Familial love, love for animals, love for art or love for whimsy. Love for the world in general, if you want. Don't delude yourself into thinking that romantic love is that only kind that counts.
And before you rant at me, as you have done to so many other perfectly polite people, I also want to find love. Its what I dream of. I want someone who will love me and hold me, and genuinely care about and respect me. I want him to love my flaws as much as my virtues, be willing to argue if I'm wrong, listen if I'm right and help me reach my goals. But finding this person is not the sole reason for my continued existence. I have many goals, many dreams, some more important than others. I know I will be happy without a life-mate, perhaps less than I would be with one, but I will be happy. And even if and when I find this person, I will still be my own person, and have a life besides clinging to him every second, and drawing every breath for his sake. And I hope he will think the same.
And before you throw up your terrible past as a defense, I will point out that terrible things happen to everyone. I have lived a nightmare, I know what its like to be torn to sheds from the inside out, but I am working past it. I absolutely refuse to wallow, because then the people who have hurt me so deeply win, and I lose everything, even more than what they have intended. And I, as someone who has been hurt and terrified and humiliated, find it insulting when others who have suffered similiar things refuse to move ahead. And worse, when they use their suffering as an excuse. Its weak and disrespectful, to yourself and others.
Find a cause other than finding the love of your life. Find some other reason to live, because then, when that person finally comes along, your life will only be that much more fulfilling.
And have patience. No love blossoms overnight. You sound as young as I do, and even if you are not, you still have a good long life ahead of you. Make it count.
I'm sorry if my honesty insults you, but please, consider what I have said? I might be annoyed with your attitude, but I don't want you to unhappy. What I have said is the truth. What other people have said is the truth. The truth hurts, but it also helps and heals. Don't disregard it.
oh, wow... your arugment is so invaild. I will say one thing, don't go and suicide yourself. now in my case, I'd much rather be die in an "accident" or... I'd pefer to get my revenge on the idiots who destroyed my life, Then, I'd set something up that would end the pain.
so, i don't have much for options, although I don't want to die. but anyway, and to be honest, the "average joe" as you call them, are the kind of people who constantly torture and torment me, just becuse I have the capacity for sensitive feelings which they do not.
now, clearly you don't understand how bad it hurts... all I've been through. I'm getting quite disgusted by all the hate you and so many others have for my existence, after all the horrible things this world had done to me, and I mostly mean the town I live in, I most certainly derserve what I want and need, the people, who tormented me so, they owe me quite alot. They took away everything, I never took anything from them. and lastly, if you don't understand how important love really is... then you don't deserve to find love, and that goes for anyone and everyone, who refuses to accept the importance of true love. I am becoming sick of your negetiveity towards love. it's clear to me now, I am one of the few who truely understands the value of love, and as such, I am one of the few who actually deserve it.
unless you can prove otherwise, in a reasonable manner. I will thank you for just one thing, You've made it so very clear, and what is clear, is that I truely am the only one who understands, who cares, who needs, who feels, who loves, Only I will ever know the truth, as the world has been blinded, perhaps it is not your falt, that you lack the capacity for love, yet that is how it is, I know should feel bad or you, and I most certainly do. if only I could remove the blindfold from your eyes, then maybe there would be hope or this world....
07 Aug 2012, 8:38 pm
Transformingcar, it might help if you were to very clearly and with some detail, define what you mean by love.
Most people have different ideas as to what constitutes love. If you explain what love is to you, it might help clarify what you are looking for.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
07 Aug 2012, 9:19 pm
Most people have different ideas as to what constitutes love. If you explain what love is to you, it might help clarify what you are looking for.
ok, I can do that. for me, love means that when two people are together, they can always get along, those two pople need to be able to agree on everything, share the same beliefs, and never argue. when those two people are together, they always enjoy eatch others company.
and specifically in my case... the relationship should very rarey, if ever, have anything to do with sex, becuase that's not what love is about. also, I would need someone who is creative, intellegent, and peaceful. but that someone would have to be accepting of my lifestyle, and as such I would have to be accepting of theirs, so eventually, the two people would have to form a close bond.
anyway, I could go on forever about what love means to me... but, I guess, all I can do is feel so very alone. but then, I guess I should just go back to my imaginary friends, I feel like I've been neglecting them, at least they love me, but thats a totally different thing, I know it's not really relavent to this... I don't want to talk about love anymore. it's too painfull. I'm done, just let me think, I need to spend some time with my imaginary girlfriend, she understands. I just don't want to talk anymore.
07 Aug 2012, 9:25 pm
Most people have different ideas as to what constitutes love. If you explain what love is to you, it might help clarify what you are looking for.
ok, I can do that. for me, love means that when two people are together, they can always get along, those two pople need to be able to agree on everything, share the same beliefs, and never argue. when those two people are together, they always enjoy eatch others company.
and specifically in my case... the relationship should very rarey, if ever, have anything to do with sex, becuase that's not what love is about. also, I would need someone who is creative, intellegent, and peaceful. but that someone would have to be accepting of my lifestyle, and as such I would have to be accepting of theirs, so eventually, the two people would have to form a close bond.
anyway, I could go on forever about what love means to me... but, I guess, all I can do is feel so very alone. but then, I guess I should just go back to my imaginary friends, I feel like I've been neglecting them, at least they love me, but thats a totally different thing, I know it's not really relavent to this... I don't want to talk about love anymore. it's too painfull. I'm done, just let me think, I need to spend some time with my imaginary girlfriend, she understands. I just don't want to talk anymore.
No problem. I hope you'll feel better.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
07 Aug 2012, 10:50 pm
Yes, exactly. We each have to make our own decision about how we want to live our lives, and how we get fulfillment from our lives. Many of us pine for a romantic connection. For some of us, it will never happen, no matter how hard we try. In that case, we need to look for other ways to find fulfillment. I am not saying we should give up. I am saying that we should find other ways to enjoy life. Personally, I enjoy the little things in life, such how my warm dog snuggles up against me on a cold night, or the feel of sunlight on my skin as the sun breaks through the clouds. Stuff like that. Don't give up, but accept whatever little pleasures that life offers. Find greater fulfillment, as Jagatai suggested, by mastering a skill.
07 Aug 2012, 10:54 pm
An unrealistic expectation - humans will not always get along, agree, share or avoid argument. Even the best couples who have excellent partnerships argue/disagree... the most successful relationships are those based on the ability to give, take, compromise, forgive and understand. By the tone of your posts, I get the impression you're not willing to do those things yet. You have to learn to get rid of that seething hatred first... I wish you the best in that regard.
07 Aug 2012, 11:09 pm
That's not love ... that's a warped fantasy. You want someone who will agree with you on everything, that's ... a puppet. Not a person.
No, they're just puppets.
08 Aug 2012, 7:29 am
You are correct in guessing that nobody else has that sort of relationship. This isn't love. It's looking in a mirror at your own reflection. Everybody is an individual, even identical twins. And so it is impossible for two individuals to be so exactly the same that they have no differences.
That's actually possible. There are other asexual people and you could get into a romantic relationship with one of them. (or get into a non-exclusive relationship with somebody sexual.) But realize that what you have written here contradicts (in a good way) your first paragraph about never arguing and always having the same beliefs and always enjoyoying each others' company. When somebody else accepts your lifestyle and you accept theirs, differences are inevitable and disagreements come along with that. Love isn't a lack of differences. It is the close bond that can form.
Your imaginary girlfriend is just a way of looking at yourself in the mirror. Bonds have to be formed outside yourself. That's why I suggested an animal companion in my post upthread. It's a way to bond outside yourself. Point taken about the unsuitability of a dog companion for you. But there are lots of animals out there. And many of them form strong bonds with humans. They form these bonds despite the dramatic species difference between them and humans. They are proof that identicality is not needed.
08 Aug 2012, 9:24 am
it is difficult for me to understand why you do not feel complete on your own.
other people can not influence the way i think. i always am content and i do not think i would be content if i was in a demanding relationship.
i like to do as i please without interference from other persons, and i do not like admonition from other minds who wish for me to alter my thinking.
i do have a girlfriend, and i am lucky that she accepts my way of thinking, but she is unique, and i know that if she did not exist, then i would get on with my life anyway.
i am very happy that i am alive, and i value that more than if people love me.
08 Aug 2012, 9:45 am
i think loneliness is felt by people who do not love themselves. when you can love yourself, other people are peripheral accoutrements. i think i am quite OK despite a lack of understanding or endorsement by others. sorry if i am being obtuse. i am tired and this is the last post of mine tonight.
08 Aug 2012, 9:51 am
Honestly, for most of my life, I thought I needed to be the smartest in order to love myself. Now that I don't care about school too much, I don't know how to love myself.
08 Aug 2012, 10:05 am
Um...most of the people who are commenting have been lonely at one point in their life or another. Personally, I'm not dating anyone at the moment, nor do I have any dating experience. It is really painful to be like Hitch - the guy who has an uncanny ability at bringing couples together, but is the worst at doing it for himself. It's exceptionally annoying to walk around and see couples being affectionate and it makes you wonder why you don't have that. Seeing that in and of itself is enough to desire it that much more. I do feel lonely at times with a lot of friends getting into relationships and I'm not. Heck, most of the relationships in my circles I had some role in seeing their being together...
...but you know what? I'm still happy with my life currently. I'm doing a lot of the things I'm passionate about (composing, hanging out with platonic friends, honing in on my relationship with God, etc.) and I haven't felt this happy in the longest while. Whether or not I'll be in a relationship within the next few months, I don't know, but I'm consciously deciding that the outcome of that is not going to be the deciding factor to control my mood. It took for me a shift in my mindset that happened over the past few months for me to realize this, and boy, am I glad that shift happened. Since then, I've had one other attempt at a relationship. It didn't work out, but I'm much more confident about future attempts.
TL;DR version - I'm not in a relationship and never have been, so I know the loneliness. The best way to overcome this, as tough and cliche as it sounds, is to not think about it.
_________________
I don't seek to be popular
I seek to be well-known
If we find a friendship that's forged without masks
Then I have done my job
