20 and still no boyfriend. What is the problem?

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maybe you are incredibly beautiful and men are afraid of you? ask any playmate or model, most of them never get approached because men are afraid!! !! !!

Very true.

I totally agree, from personal experience.

Oh, so true...
My answer is usually something like "Are you sure you want me to answer you? Because I'll be brutally honest and won't say what you *want* to hear or what others may have answered you, but what I *really* think..."

Opinion of a man? So all men are the same?
So what if you said I was unattractive. Does that MAKE me unattractive? No, it does not because another man might find me attractive. Is it that so hard to understand? Come on.

Do you have a scientific source for this? ANY woman on this planet can take a horrible horrible picture of herself. Even the most beautiful celebrities have bad picture moments. Any woman on this planet can take a gorgeous gorgeous picture of herself.
In fact, I don't even think a picture is a good reflection of how attractive someone really is, because you can't see how the face 'moves' in real life.

Well, when I meet new people, I never (deliberately) act negative or cold. I try to be as friendly as I can, I smile a lot, I like to laugh, I show interest, when people they need help I help them. I sometimes give compliments, sometimes a little touch on the arm or shoulder, like anyone really.

Body language? I find that hard to say about myself, because I cannot look at myself when I am talking... But I never keep my hands crossed when I am talking to some one. Of course that's not enough..., but still...
I don't know what and how to change about my body language...?

And this topic wasn't directed at men specifically, it was directed at everyone. Maybe there are girls here that feel the same. By the way, I changed the title of the topic. So now no one has to ask me for my picture because I am not asking if I am physically attractive or not (at least not in the first place)

Still not getting the 'paranoid' and 'ultra-precious' though...
" I wouldn't be surprised if it's a lot to do with how you actually feel about other people, and men in particular, deep down". Can you explain this? I don't understand this... I don't feel that way about men at all...

Last edited by Cafeaulait on 24 Sep 2012, 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I have fairly big breasts (32E) and wide hips (93 cm). I'm 1.62 and weigh 57 kilos (European). I wouldn't say I am fat, but I am not skinny either. I think Christina Hendricks is chubby. Beyonce too.
And you might be right about the 'trying to hard'. I think maybe in the future I should say what I want a little bit more, instead of trying to act nice all the time. It might come across as forced on other people. But what you say about not being annoying is true as well, because I don't want to come across as rude or bored ...

"Like the spicy in a meal. It's not easy" hahah love the way you say that !

Where do you go to meet men?
Who do you bring with you?
Do you ever notice guys checking you out?
Do you have friends (male/female)? A social circle?
If you were in a guy's shoes, could you imagine approaching yourself?

It's hard to really make an inference based on the information you presented. Though, based on how you've responded to the posts in this thread, I think you may have a bit of an attitude problem that's driving men away :/ There's nothing wrong with posting a picture with the face grayed/blurred out if you're worried about anonymity.

If you have such a high opinion of your appearance it's possible that you look so attractive that guys are terrified of approaching you. If you look like a runway model, maybe tone it down a notch. Of course, you could also be deluding yourself about how pretty you look. No way to tell really without a pic.

Like I said I don't look like a Megan Fox or Megan Markle (love her) or whatever. I don't think I look SO attractive at all. Let's simplify it and say I am average to above average. Average looking girls have boyfriends and get approached too.
And no I don't want to post my picture here because I don't want people to recognize me. I've posted some private things on here. I just don't feel comfortable with it.

Where do you go to meet men?
No where particular. I go to university, there are boys living at my corridor, I sometimes go to parties with (mostly female) friends... Maybe I should get some more hobbies
Who do you bring with you?
My friends
Do you ever notice guys checking you out?
When I am in the bus or tram, or walk through the university hallways I notice boys staring at me a little longer or looking at me from head to toe (very quick though). Is that what you call checking out?
Do you have friends (male/female)? A social circle?
Yes, not that much though. I have 1 really good female friend, and 2 or 3 good male friends. I have quite a few aquaitances I think.., mostly through university.
If you were in a guy's shoes, could you imagine approaching yourself?
Well at a club not really because I am usually with 4 or 5 girlfriends dancing (usually in a circle), I don't spend so much time at the bar (alone) where someone could aproach me.
Hmmm honestly I don't really know.

University’s a goldmine for meeting new people. Have you ever considered asking your friends to set you up with a guy they know? And yeah, look for university activities like concerts or BBQs where you’ll have a chance to put yourself out there.



Absolutely. Are there any guys who give you long looks in any of your classes? Might be a good idea to sit beside them and maybe even initiate conversation, even if it’s something as stupid as pretending you missed the last lecture or complaining about an awkward teacher.



Well there’s your problem. That circle of girlfriends dancing is the circle of death to most guys, most won’t even bother since if they make a move on one woman, the other women will instinctively cockblock him. They’ll also assume you just want to have fun with your friends and don’t want to get hit on. Then the dancefloor’s usually the loudest area in the club, meaning guys will have trouble talking to you anyways.

Also, if you dance very provocatively or grind one of your female friends, guys will assume you’re just seeking validation from their attention and want to tease them.

Best thing you can do is sit at the quietest place possible by the bar while facing away from the bar and look as friendly & inviting as possible. If you do this and give enough approach invitations (smiles, long stares, etc), you’ll definitely get some guys to approach you.

I actually meet most women right outside the club since you don’t have to deal with blaring music and enormous crowds. Even better if you can find a spot to sit where lots of people pass by.

If that doesn’t work I don’t know what to tell you, other than the guys where you live are total wimps and need to grow a pair :-/

I think you just answered our own question right there. I know one women I'm interested in but she is always in a group of four (I swear they do everything together!) and I'm not a big fan of one of them so I don't bother trying to approach her because I know the one I don't like will almost certainly turn her friend away from me. Ordinary, solitary men generally don't approach groups of women unless they are players because it's generally a waste of time.

Yeah, it's the fact that you're in a group. Like GiantHockeyFan said, only players and guys with a boatload of confidence (or craziness) will approach a girl in a group.

Well I am currently studying abroad in France. I've been here for three weeks now and I really like it. I've met dozens of people in the last few weeks, coming from all over the world. There was one German boy who I found really cute, he's so funny. We went to the fair with a group of four (2 girls 2 boys). We decided to go to the haunted house but we could only go with 2 groups of 2. So we were like: who goes with who? And then I said: OK, i'll go first, you decide whom of you comes with me. So he decided to go with me. I get really scared in these things so I tried to take his hand when we were in the haunted house and he responded to it, he squeezed it pretty firmly (maybe he was scared to). One moment I let go and he was like where is the hand? haha. But he's so 'popular' and funny and one day later I saw him jogging with two girls. He doesn't have a girlfriend though, strangely. But then I saw him the other day, he was coming my way and I don't know why I did this (I think I got really nervous) but I was like: 'hey, gotta go to the store. it closes in ten minutes. bye bye!' and I was gone. He was like: 'why do you leave me?' I totally blew it I think. I don't know why I do these things. It's like social anxiety. But he lives really close to me so ill probably see him around (and blow it again).

And I just got back from a dismissed french class. There was a cute guy in the hall waiting for the class to begin. I noticed him looking at me so I looked back at him. We had a conversation, he was really nice. Maybe i'll sit next to him tomorrow in class.

So yeah i'm basically in my prime now, studying abroad, meeting so many new people and being able to attend so many different parties/event/etc etc. But I feel like I always blow it or something, that I do something wrong, that guys think I'm weird, strange, you name it.

I have to be honest, I don't know if I have the confidence to do that.

Last edited by Cafeaulait on 24 Sep 2012, 9:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yup. Most men think that the other women will instantly shoot them down, so you're probably going to get the ultra-confident 'player' types there, which is probably not what you want. It's probably not going to be any good if the other women are protective of you either, and won't let you talk to men on your own. If one of the women in your group doesn't like the look of the guy for whatever reason, that's generally the end of it.

You need to go to safe places where you can socialise without other women constantly being around you.

OK, such as?
And how do I behave? I don't want to be overly flirtatious (like: I want sex with you right now) but I don't want to come of as stand offish or bored either. Like, how do I draw a guys interest/attention in a conversation? Idon't wanna be boring.

You're a student aren't you? Are there not places you can go to on your own without having other women there (or perhaps even going with other women but them doing their own thing)? There should be loads of places to socialise and do stuff like that. Pubs and clubs are generally a bad idea, as you won't be able to hear what's being said and you're likely to find users and the like. Do you not have special interests that you could perhaps tap into? You want to create something that you mutually enjoy that's a group activity, or something you can do with others.

Anyway, if you're in a major French city, there should be some Asperger's-type groups available for you to check out.

(POS minicomputer ate my post again so imma make this short)

you said someone who knew you told you your problem is that you're too vague.
humans like to know what they are getting into. Humans like to (subconsciously) place people into categories in their heads "oh she's a girl who likes jocks with big cars!". It seems your friend is telling you that guys don't know who you are. They don't know what kinds of guys you like. So guys who are serious about dating probably don't approach you because they don't know (can't figure out) how you'll respond to them. And guys who aren't serious about dating, but want a cute piece of .... are going to avoid you too, because you're too much trouble to figure out (too vague/too unknown) and there are always a few loose girls around for them to tap.

Solution. Figure out what kinds of guys you might be interested in.

Approach one of them. In their native environment. (ie: approach a car guy by his car. approach a bookworm in the library. approach them at work, and get them talking about what they are interested in. Be dutiful and listen, curious and be sure you don't look like you've got to rush off.

It's a lot easier if it's an environment you two share.

If you get bored then change your targets

Last edited by OddFiction on 24 Sep 2012, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.