Why Women Don't Initiate

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If you repeatedly keep getting told you're not good enough, you start believing it unless you take measures to protect your own ego from being annihilated. That's why Men just think of Women as numbers after a point, why risk another dent/chip/bruise/wound for nothing?

Women don't have to take that pain and keep going time after time and don't understand what it feels like to do so either. The ballsy decent women who have tried approaching and got rejected, fall back to the natural safe position of passively deciding rather than keep on getting hurt for a goal that soon becomes impossible, yet driven by design to keep on going for it.

How many times have you asked out a woman, J-Greens?

About ten or so, only three in the last nine years. I'd say the rest were from '99 till about '03. All but four were in school, and those were the four that were the nicest about it.

10 isn't a very big number, and to be honest, I think you've given up too soon. A significant amount are from school, and people that age are very shallow.

Probably. But a good six bad rejections plus all the other crap, most natural response really. I'd like to be more positive about approaching and that, but I've never had that positive experience to use when automatic thought kicks in.

I'm beginning to think - in reference to the OP - why won't women open their mind? It seems they're not ready for relationship when they seek perfection from the get-go? You know learning, exploring, tolerating the parts you don't like, communication and development, acceptance and understanding. It just screams closed ignorant immaturity, especially when it comes to that "We won't lower our standards" spiel, when really it's more of "Why don't you leave the prejudice at the door and give something new a go?"

I dunno.
If only they had a male's mentality in the dating scene...

I agree with this. Seems that whenever I've done the same I've been told to "be realistic".

Exactly. It also explains on how guys start off more interested in sex. Since usually when starting to meet someone its better to approach someone new and have sex as a goal to establish than committing yourself to liking someone before meeting them and then being broken they rejected you.

Dude, only 10? Really? And you're this bitter about it?

I used to get turned down 10 times a month. Hell, there've been times I was turned down 10 times in one night.

What's gonna help you more than anything, I think, is some practice. Like with anything else, guys get better at approaching women the more they do it.

It's not that women are looking for perfection. It's that you have so little experience approaching them that you have no idea what they are looking for. Most of which can't really be put into words, you can only learn by trying.

Apparently neither do you.

I'm not trying to be a dick here. But you're speaking as though you think you're an expert on rejection and what women really want after having asked out only 10 of them in your entire life. It's a little ridiculous.

I mean, about one a year for five years, then one every three years after that? The guys who succeed with women aren't perfect, they just try more often. Far far more often.

Imagine you and a friend were to go fishing. You quit and go home emptyhanded after an hour, while your friend sticks around for the entire day. Would it then be reasonable for you to complain, when he comes home with a full ice chest, about how unfair the fish are being?



I agree. Can't sit around waiting for the world to give you permission to go after what you want. More women doing the initiating is the only way expectations will change.

Smudge: Good on you - I'm glad you're doing it. We do need more like you.

I realise that it functions as an ego defensive mechanism - hence why you have guys asked a girl out and then turning around and calling her a "b*tch" 10 seconds later, even if she was nice about it. The objectification and sometimes, dehumanisation is an ego defesnse mechanism too, and you are correct in stating that it is there for a reason - but you have to realise that they can also be potentially dangerous mechanisms. Those 2 same mechanisms is what allow someone to deem someone "inferior" ro "different" and have been used to justify many things that the human race should not be proud of - things that could never have happened without those mechanisms.



Smart girls know this and use this to their advantage.

im sorry if it sounded like i was defending guys that do that. I wasnt. Im simply stating where i think such behavior comes from.

lol, ive seen those tricks too

I know you weren't defending them - you were simply stating the reason (which I agree with).
The problem is that even though the reason is valid - not all of the wider consequences that stem from it are.
It was simply a point of clarification - sorry if it sounded like something else.

yeah but a guy can keep approaching women constantly, initiating constantly but still keep getting rejected left and right

Most women won't even ask guys to dance at dance socials unless said guys are really popular and know all the women in the room, despite dance instructors saying over and over again "It's okay to ask a guy to dance". If I go to a dance social and I don't initiate, then I could more likely than not go the entire night without dancing. Very rarely do I have women ask me to dance, and I'm not really attracted to the ones who do ask me. Therefore, if I want to dance with the sexy/hot/pretty women, then I have to go to them myself. The best thing about dance socials though is rejection is rare

That is true and the reason behind that is peer approval, if a girl has approval from her peer group and other females, she will feel more comfortable making an approach.

Thanks!



Thank you. I completely agree - why should I need everyone elses' approval?