What really irritates me about what I'm reading on here...

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I have had 500 girlfriends - 10 simultaneously at every turn.

Here we go, my nose is growing again - like my huge dongle.

AspieOtoku not at the same time. Within his lifetime.

Well, why wouldn't I believe him? He could have been a tramp as we call them here in the UK. It's just now, upon reading how hard it is for guys to get girls, I realise he *could* have lied. But that's his problem not mine, because it's not going to make any difference to me whether he had 5, 50 or 500.

Would you prefer a man who had never had even one girlfriend before he met you?

Think about it ... such a man would likely have no idea how to treat a woman, other than from what he's seen on TV and in the movies (porn included). Then again, you could slap him around all day and tell him that it's called "Making Love" and he'd never know the difference.

My mother advised me to never settle for the first woman who ever put out for me (yes, my mother told me this). She advised me further to date several women before deciding whether or not I wanted to get married, and to whom. Then she advised me to not get married until after I'd turned 28.

If only I had heeded her advice ...

If I took advice from my Mother...

Fnod, in answer to your question, no I wouldn't mind either way. He tells me I have a lot of experience, but he i wrong, have a lot of savoir-faire which is quite different

Your mother was right. When I was 18, my freshman year of college, I had a girl show what I thought was romantic interest in me. Almost instantly, I was willing to settle down and have a serious, committed relationship with her. I "knew" that I may not have another chance at a relationship again, or at least not for many years, so it was then or never. Never mind the fact that I felt zero physical attraction to her. All that mattered was that she liked me. Of course, a few months later when I went dancing with her, she didn't want to dance close, which made it clear beyond a shadow of doubt that she didn't like me. All my chances of a relationship fell like a house of cards.

Once in a while, I find myself pondering the "what if"s. What if she did like me? How exactly would I handle a relationship with someone I felt zero attraction to? All that, while having had absolutely no previous dating/relationship experiences whatsoever prior to that. So in that case, I'd be settling down after my first and only successful dating experience.

Come to think of it, either that incident (with her not liking me) traumatized me without myself realizing it, or I just got numb and jaded over the years, from getting rejected all the time, because now at age 29, the only way I'll settle down is through a shotgun wedding. And even that is questionable.

Its alright I forgive you and apology accepted I was down for a while at the time but I feel better now.

Fnord, this is a fallacy. By implying that there are things which can only be learned through being in a relationship, and setting these as minimum criteria for being in a relationship, you make it impossible for any boy to have a girlfriend. How is he supposed to get the skills if he is required to have them before he can learn them?

I'm also a bit ashamed that in this forum, you get the impression that most guys are primarily up for sex.
But my guess is that it's primarily those who have never had it. They are crazy about it for two reasons (which I can partially understand, as I also fall into this category):

1. Being a male virgin is a stigma in some groups.
2. They think it must be the best thing in the world.

They see sex as as a kind of "short-time achievement". But that doesn't mean that it's all they care about.

I always wondered that too, but I managed to get around it. How? By lowering my standards and telling myself that I need to get over myself, date whoever shows interest, and be thankful for that. This worked out well enough, and soon, I had a girlfriend. While I got first-hand experience at what it's like to have a girlfriend, and was able to say that I have a girlfriend, I don't know how much I learned. For example, I used local maps to plan our dates in areas where my friends don't hang out, and wasn't sure how I'll introduce her to people. The relationship lasted about two months, then fell apart in a largely mutual manner. Now, I feel a little bit bad about having used her, in a way, but I treated her well the whole time we were together. Hopefully, she found a guy who's with her because they're mutually attracted.

But in my defense, I had to resort to doing what I did because of what Fnord pointed out: the Catch-22 of girls not wanting to date a guy who's never been in a relationship before. My first girlfriend either didn't know or didn't care. But my observations show that girls like that are few and far between. I still lie on dating sites and say that I've been in a long-term relationship before ("long-term" as in 1 year or longer).

I wouldn't care less, if a guy has been in a long term relationship or not. It wouldn't even cross my mind. In fact, men who tell me they have had a "ton" of women, just come across like total dicks, who are obviously not that good at maintaining relationship.

pot kettle black!
maybe these men have an excuse similar to yours?
like an undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder

But you see why it can seem unfair that (straight, obviously) women, simply by virtue of possessing a vagina, are in such a different place in the dating game, and seem to have this intrinsic value that men don't? Yes, men can work to where they have as much value, in fact probably above a certain point they have significantly more value, as status is a more potent asset for men. The latter is what people point to when they say the world is sexist, but they fail to also look at the "bottom".

The point is, for some men having sex with a good-looking woman would be like "winning superbowls", whereas for many women having sex with a good-looking guy is like winning a game of tic-tac-toe.

Also, whenever a woman (or more experienced man) complains that men don't know what relationships are about and therefore "doesn't deserve one", you should remember that having such a clue is itself a privilege for men. Many women (and some men), just practically by standing there, get chances to be intimate with others. In doing so, they learn both the perks and drawbacks of intimacy, whereas for those not lucky enough to get intimacy (and this doesn't just mean sex, it means just sharing tenderness, hugs, etc.), they have only their fantasies to go on.

As an analogy, imagine that there are two depressed, underemployed, single guys living in two different cities. In one, there are no bars, no entertainment, etc., whereas the other is full of cheap nightclubs, strippers, etc. So the guy in the second city lives a life of distractions, maybe develops drug habits, etc., while the first is just bored and down all the time. It's possible that the ideal life for both is a good career, truly stimulating entertainment, meaningful hobbies, etc. But one of the guys lives a life that, for all the toll it takes, is at least exciting in the moment and a good distraction. That's the way it seems to be for many women with mental conditions--they can be as emotionally/mentally/otherwise "f*** up" as guys like them, but their relationship world isn't a "blank", they are getting lots of action even if there's still something missing. That's why there are fewer of those "why can I get nowhere" threads from women.

Surfman, I don't understand what you mean with that last comment about me. But that's me being slow, not you. I am sure it will make sense if I read it a few times.

As for looks, this whole subject is depressing. People put so much emphasis on looks, but who holds the book as to what "good" and "bad" looks are? What makes a person attractive to one individual, might not be the same to another. I *really* don't get it. It's personal.

I remember, a long time ago, there was once a thread on here about posting pictures of what people thought "attractive" was... one guy kept posting over and over the most obese women he could find pictures of. It was causing quite an uproar because his idea of "attractive" was so radically different and was pushing it hard on everyone else. POINT BEING - "attractive" is extremely subjective. (Meaning we all have hope!!)