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Saying "No" To Dates...

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Do you like to go on dates?
Yes!! ! 11%  11%  [ 4 ]
Yes, but only with someone I feel really comfortable with. 42%  42%  [ 15 ]
I like the thought, but actually doing it would be terrible. 17%  17%  [ 6 ]
Sometimes... 11%  11%  [ 4 ]
Noooo!! ! 19%  19%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 36

periphery
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20 Feb 2013, 7:24 am

I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'



nessa238
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20 Feb 2013, 7:30 am

periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


Stop interacting with him full stop then if you aren't happy with how he is behaving towards you

Surely there's other people to play this game with?

By continuing to interact with him you are giving a mixed message ie that at some point in the future you might change your mind and go out with him

And no, some men can't take the hint so make it obvious - just say no

it seems to me though that you are enjoying his attention - up to a point - but if that's the case you will have to put up with
him continually trying it on

Also, if you met on OK Cupid ie a dating site, he's got a reasonable expectation to think you might be interested in a relationship



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20 Feb 2013, 7:37 am

periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


You're giving him reasons why you can't go out with him on this night, or that night, when what you should be telling him is the truth, that you just don't want to.



periphery
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20 Feb 2013, 7:38 am

nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


Stop interacting with him full stop then if you aren't happy with how he is behaving towards you

Surely there's other people to play this game with?

By continuing to interact with him you are giving a mixed message ie that at some point in the future you might change your mind and go out with him

And no, some men can't take the hint so make it obvious - just say no

it seems to me though that you are enjoying his attention - up to a point - but if that's the case you will have to put up with
him continually trying it on

Also, if you met on OK Cupid ie a dating site, he's got a reasonable expectation to think you might be interested in a relationship

um no, i'm not enjoying the attention. this isn't a long drawn out event it has happened over 1 day. prior to that we only played the game and every 3 days he might say ''how are u...( me, 1 day later) good thanks'' and ''nice one!''. I realise stopping interaction is necessary if he persists, i wasn't asking how to stop him asking me out, i was making a point that i dont know how to say no to dates because clearly what i'm doing isn't working. i just dont get why guys are so persistant even though its pretty clear [to me] im not interested...i declined twice, and he STILL asked again. urgh.



periphery
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20 Feb 2013, 7:40 am

mds_02 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


You're giving him reasons why you can't go out with him on this night, or that night, when what you should be telling him is the truth, that you just don't want to.

yeah i did figure that. after he asked the third time i said ''no thanks. i dont think we have anything in common outside of this game''. he hasn't replied. i am just confused as to why he would keep persisting but i guess some people aren't as perceptive to other peoples feelings. if someone blew me off i'd be unlikely to ask again, but if i did, i most definitely wouldn't do it a third time.



nessa238
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20 Feb 2013, 7:41 am

periphery wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


Stop interacting with him full stop then if you aren't happy with how he is behaving towards you

Surely there's other people to play this game with?

By continuing to interact with him you are giving a mixed message ie that at some point in the future you might change your mind and go out with him

And no, some men can't take the hint so make it obvious - just say no

it seems to me though that you are enjoying his attention - up to a point - but if that's the case you will have to put up with
him continually trying it on

Also, if you met on OK Cupid ie a dating site, he's got a reasonable expectation to think you might be interested in a relationship

um no, i'm not enjoying the attention. this isn't a long drawn out event it has happened over 1 day. prior to that we only played the game and every 3 days he might say ''how are u...( me, 1 day later) good thanks'' and ''nice one!''. I realise stopping interaction is necessary if he persists, i wasn't asking how to stop him asking me out, i was making a point that i dont know how to say no to dates because clearly what i'm doing isn't working. i just dont get why guys are so persistant even though its pretty clear [to me] im not interested...i declined twice, and he STILL asked again. urgh.


He evidently fancies you a lot and thinks if he's persistent he will wear you down

Looks like it's working to me too as you're still interacting with him!



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20 Feb 2013, 7:43 am

periphery wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


You're giving him reasons why you can't go out with him on this night, or that night, when what you should be telling him is the truth, that you just don't want to.

yeah i did figure that. after he asked the third time i said ''no thanks. i dont think we have anything in common outside of this game''. he hasn't replied. i am just confused as to why he would keep persisting but i guess some people aren't as perceptive to other peoples feelings. if someone blew me off i'd be unlikely to ask again, but if i did, i most definitely wouldn't do it a third time.


This is how men are - persistent!



periphery
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20 Feb 2013, 7:45 am

nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


Stop interacting with him full stop then if you aren't happy with how he is behaving towards you

Surely there's other people to play this game with?

By continuing to interact with him you are giving a mixed message ie that at some point in the future you might change your mind and go out with him

And no, some men can't take the hint so make it obvious - just say no

it seems to me though that you are enjoying his attention - up to a point - but if that's the case you will have to put up with
him continually trying it on

Also, if you met on OK Cupid ie a dating site, he's got a reasonable expectation to think you might be interested in a relationship

um no, i'm not enjoying the attention. this isn't a long drawn out event it has happened over 1 day. prior to that we only played the game and every 3 days he might say ''how are u...( me, 1 day later) good thanks'' and ''nice one!''. I realise stopping interaction is necessary if he persists, i wasn't asking how to stop him asking me out, i was making a point that i dont know how to say no to dates because clearly what i'm doing isn't working. i just dont get why guys are so persistant even though its pretty clear [to me] im not interested...i declined twice, and he STILL asked again. urgh.


He evidently fancies you a lot and thinks if he's persistent he will wear you down

Looks like it's working to me too as you're still interacting with him!


ok thanks for the insight. it's not working though, i have straight up said to him that i am categorically not interested in meeting him. Once again I was just trying to describe how I have difficultly saying no to people.



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20 Feb 2013, 7:46 am

nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


You're giving him reasons why you can't go out with him on this night, or that night, when what you should be telling him is the truth, that you just don't want to.

yeah i did figure that. after he asked the third time i said ''no thanks. i dont think we have anything in common outside of this game''. he hasn't replied. i am just confused as to why he would keep persisting but i guess some people aren't as perceptive to other peoples feelings. if someone blew me off i'd be unlikely to ask again, but if i did, i most definitely wouldn't do it a third time.


This is how men are - persistent!

that's one way of putting it :lol:



nessa238
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20 Feb 2013, 7:47 am

periphery wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'


Stop interacting with him full stop then if you aren't happy with how he is behaving towards you

Surely there's other people to play this game with?

By continuing to interact with him you are giving a mixed message ie that at some point in the future you might change your mind and go out with him

And no, some men can't take the hint so make it obvious - just say no

it seems to me though that you are enjoying his attention - up to a point - but if that's the case you will have to put up with
him continually trying it on

Also, if you met on OK Cupid ie a dating site, he's got a reasonable expectation to think you might be interested in a relationship

um no, i'm not enjoying the attention. this isn't a long drawn out event it has happened over 1 day. prior to that we only played the game and every 3 days he might say ''how are u...( me, 1 day later) good thanks'' and ''nice one!''. I realise stopping interaction is necessary if he persists, i wasn't asking how to stop him asking me out, i was making a point that i dont know how to say no to dates because clearly what i'm doing isn't working. i just dont get why guys are so persistant even though its pretty clear [to me] im not interested...i declined twice, and he STILL asked again. urgh.


He evidently fancies you a lot and thinks if he's persistent he will wear you down

Looks like it's working to me too as you're still interacting with him!


ok thanks for the insight. it's not working though, i have straight up said to him that i am categorically not interested in meeting him. Once again I was just trying to describe how I have difficultly saying no to people.


Well the best way is complete disengagement ie no interaction at all

If a man likes you he will consider any interaction with him as meaning he could possibly get more if he hangs on in there

They are persistent little s**ts some of them!



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20 Feb 2013, 7:56 am

If your gender initiates more often then men wouldn't be that persistent.

It's the lack of balance in initiation causing that.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Feb 2013, 7:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Feb 2013, 7:57 am

periphery wrote:
yeah i did figure that. after he asked the third time i said ''no thanks. i dont think we have anything in common outside of this game''. he hasn't replied. i am just confused as to why he would keep persisting but i guess some people aren't as perceptive to other peoples feelings. if someone blew me off i'd be unlikely to ask again, but if i did, i most definitely wouldn't do it a third time.


I'm with you on that. I'm maybe a little oversensitive to rejection, see it when it's not necessarily there, so I back off at even the tiniest sign that someone's not interested.

Then again, as bad as I am at reading people, what I consider to be a tiny sign they probably consider to be a great big goddamn billboard with flashing lights and s**t.

But yeah, it's cool you tried to be nice about it at first. Too bad he needed it spelled out for him. But it's good he backed off then, rather than forcing you to go to step three; restraining order.



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20 Feb 2013, 7:58 am

At the same time, I can kinda understand why he might maybe have been confused.

I worked with this girl once, years ago. We'd talk a lot, joke around and stuff. She asked me a few times to hang out outside of work. I wasn't in the best headspace, horrible self-esteem issues, convinced that no one could possibly really want me around, so I made excuses similar to yours. Eventually she stopped talking to me. And all I really wanted, once I realized how I'd f****d up, was for her to ask me just one more time, give me one more chance to say yes.

So yeah, the thing to do is to back off the first time someone says no. But once in a while...



Last edited by mds_02 on 20 Feb 2013, 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Feb 2013, 7:59 am

periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'



When a girl does that I always say something like: "You can say no, I don't bite"


Funny how this works sometimes.



periphery
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20 Feb 2013, 8:12 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'



When a girl does that I always say something like: "You can say no, I don't bite"


Funny how this works sometimes.

well it's good to know that not all men are incapable of taking the hint! not that i thought they were, although i do come across it quite frequently (as frequently as i interact with men which is actually minimal haha) maybe because they are used to women outright snobbing them, which i dont do because i think its rude and i dont like to be impolite, so i guess they take any response as an indication of interest regardless of whether it's there or not. it happens in real life too, not just on dating sites where i guess there is more of a possibility of misinterpreting a reply as interest.

i need to learn how to be rude, but i just find it goes against my values and honestly i can't understand why it's necessary when i genuinely feel that i'm not giving off any signals to indicate interest (probably a black and white thinking thing) !



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20 Feb 2013, 8:17 am

periphery wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
periphery wrote:
I dont know how to say no either. It makes me uncomfortable because i dont like to displease people. I've been playing an online game with someone i met on ok cupid, we didn't chat on there, he just asked if i wanted to play so i agreed. we have barely spoken and just before he said to me ''so did u want to go out sometime'' ..to be polite i said ''no i don't think i can on a school night lol'' and then he goes ''well how about on the weekend'' and i said ''i dont think so it might eat into my gaming and sleeping'' and THEN he says ''so how about in between then''....srsly? why can't guys just take the hint already, am i really seeming secretly interested in my replies? it's not my intention at all, i just prefer indirect communication like people in other cultures (than my own).

edit to add: im even deliberately taking ages to finish each game (ie half a day or more between turns), even though i love playing, because i dont want him to get the wrong idea and think that it's that i love playing with HIM'



When a girl does that I always say something like: "You can say no, I don't bite"


Funny how this works sometimes.

well it's good to know that not all men are incapable of taking the hint! not that i thought they were, although i do come across it quite frequently (as frequently as i interact with men which is actually minimal haha) maybe because they are used to women outright snobbing them, which i dont do because i think its rude and i dont like to be impolite, so i guess they take any response as an indication of interest regardless of whether it's there or not. it happens in real life too, not just on dating sites where i guess there is more of a possibility of misinterpreting a reply as interest.

i need to learn how to be rude, but i just find it goes against my values and honestly i can't understand why it's necessary when i genuinely feel that i'm not giving off any signals to indicate interest (probably a black and white thinking thing) !


Oh, but you don't need to learn it, you are a rude person.