Guys only want one thing

Post Reply New Topic

I am not though. Getting offers of sex. But that's what is implied when people of the opposite sex decide to invest time and energy in me. I like talking and watching sappy movies though. Just not as a prelude to being intimate. I like doing those things because they are enjoyable. I like talking to all sorts of people male ad famale because I am curious but I don't want to be best friends with everyone I talk to and I certainly do not want to have sex with every person of the opposite (or even same) sex that I talk to or buy gifts for even. It really annoys me that all human interactions seem to point to some sort of service exchange model.

I think you are full of the old metaphorical. You had a bad experience and now you are blaming everyone for it. Not cool. For example, I think you are kind of funny and would be interested in getting to know you better although I know right now that I have absolutely no interest in being either sexually or emotionally involved with you. I bet you would see me as someone not worth bothering with just based on those two statements. Am I wrong?

If you were only interested in talking, you should have stated your intentions from the beginning, rather than leading people on.

Eh.. I dunno.

For me, I have a really high sex drive. Sometimes I wonder if my sex drive is higher than other guys my age, but then other times I figure it's about the same. I really don't know. I sort of go through periods of a super high sex drive where all someone has to do is say BOOBS, and I get "excited".

However, I am heavily held back and guarded by my own psychological issues such as low self image, inability to be touched in a sexual manner by someone I barely know and it's still hard with women I do know, etc.

So the above has prevented me from leading a promiscuous sexual life as I may be leading if I didn't have that issue.

I have had a three friends with benefits in the past, and we did a lot of sexual things, but I never had actual sex with them. Same goes with a lot of past girlfriends and/or dates.
I want to be able to just let loose and be free of my self image issues but I can't. I don't even take my shirt off in public and haven't since.. I don't know before I was 12?
I made the mistake of having sex with a then girlfriend within 2 weeks of her becoming so, something I've always deeply regretted. I already had trust issues and was a deeply guarded person but her cheating on me with 2 other guys just made my issues even worse.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say with my post.. I guess just that I can't have sex with someone unless I trust them and I can't get to trust someone until I get in a relationship with them and it has to be for a long period of time. We can do sexual things without being in a relationship (kissing, dry humping, whatever your imagination wants to conjure up) but not anything past 2 and a half base, or maybe third depending on how long the escapade has been going on.

Occasionally I find myself grateful that this hang up has caused me not to just hook up and romp around the sack with just any ole gal, but I do really wish I could just lighten up, forget all the anxiety and be free because I find that even in a relationship with a woman I trust and we finally do cross that line, I still don't feel completely relaxed and am stressed out and worried. I worry about what she's going to say to her friends about my performance, what she'll say to them about my body, did she really enjoy it like she said she did?
I can't take anyone's word at face value even though I desperately try to. I'd like to believe that the woman I'm sleeping with isn't the kind of person to go around and talk about our sex life, and even if she tells me she isn't the kind of person to do that, I still don't really believe her.

Any time any girl says something positive, it makes me feel good and puts a smile on my face for about five seconds. I was told after a brief make out session with one girl that if I effed half as good as I kissed, then I'd be effin amazing. And another two who proclaimed I was the best sex they ever had. Well, I'm sitting there going, "Okay, so how many times have you used that line before to stroke a guys' ego?"

As much as I'd like to, I just simply don't believe them.

I hope maybe some day I grow out of this, or get some counseling or do whatever it is I need to do to get through this. I've already developed WAY more confidence and self esteem than I had in High school (which was COMPLETELY non existent) but I still have a long way to go.


What I'm trying to say is, when I talk to a girl I'm interested in, it's to determine if I can establish a long term emotional connection with her. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind at that point because sex is not possible for me at that point in a relationship.

Excuse me, how exactly have I been leading people on???????????

And if you are a man yet you don't exhibit general sexual interest in women, the women in your circle would assume you're gay or having some complex, you can never win.

this, my friends, is the only truth worth knowing

You' re in college. How much time do you or any of those guys have for a relationship? How many plan to live in the same place you do after college? Do you even know where that is? Guys that age are under the influence of hormones. At that age we DO want that one thing. If we have it we are free to enjoy other things. It's like air - no big deal until you don't have any. But real love? No, mostly those guys are not ready. Even the ones who are expect "one thing" is an integral part of the relationship. Flirt with that guy you like, as best you can.

Yeah, what?

Wow, thinking of all these people I've met in my life and interacted with who I didn't say "I do not want to have sex with you" to...I'm such an a**hole.

Wait, they never said it to me either...does EVERYONE I meet want to have sex with me? Wow!

Yes, you are wrong. I would be apprehensive getting to know you not for either of those reasons, but because I already feel like you are trying to fit me into a preconceived stereotype which, as I have just explained, is something I get quite irritated at having to 'fight against' in order to feel accepted for who I am.

I do not primarily want sex. I do not consider a steady relationship one that allows regular access to sex. Part of why I was just rejected was because I did not 'put out' as was desired of me; by a female, no less. I could have had sex at any moment I desired at one point; the offer was very blatantly 'on the table'. But chose not to because I was confused and not feeling proper emotional attachment, meaning I also did not feel proper sexual attraction (refer to my first post for that explanation). I am entirely capable of being friends with someone without sexual attraction nor significant emotional attraction (I would consider that a friend does need a minimal degree of emotional attraction, as I consider friends as people I care for).

If you have no intent to accept that there are people with penises (i.e. men, males, guys, or any other such terms) who, in the context of relationship desires, are capable of fundamentally desiring emotional connection and only viewing intimate contact as an additional way to communicate that emotional connection (but not a required one), then I would have no intent to talk with you because you have already admitted that you refuse to accept who I am, even if that particular aspect would not apply to you as we wouldn't be pursuing a relationship to begin with.

I am a guy, and I admit the physical aspects of relationships are what interest me the most. Even when it's not sex that I have on my mind, it's cuddling, kissing, or some other kind of physical touching. That said, I wouldn't mind having someone to talk to whenever I feel lonely.

You mean they actually wanted you to listen to them, which is something that friends normally do, 3 OR 4 DAYS A MONTH? What awful, high-maintenance people!

Just wanting to talk is the default assumption. Wanting sex is an extra.

Btw, do you see where you contradict yourself above?

The sex drive is strong in many men, true, but only if they are attracted to you sexually. But even then it is not the same in all men and depends on their own views and idealogy for lack of a better word.

It will of course not be the only thing on men's minds if they are not attracted to you.

For lots of men, their desire for a woman is directly linked to their identity, and sense of appreciation. Women generally find more comfort in unexpected gifts, words of encouragement, plus emotional and financial security. Men want a lot of those things too, but the one places they often feel most loved is in the embrace of their woman. Its not just physical, either; there's something about the whole experience which will touch a man's core being very deeply (unless he's wrecked the possibility by shacking up like crazy).

I've heard this example used a lot, and it works...

"Sex is like duct tape. When you first place it on a surface, it sticks completely, and is very difficult to remove. If you do, a little of that tape is left behind, making the next attempts at bonding more difficult. With each new fusion, the effect weakens, until a man can no longer truly bond aside from the physical."

Friends exchange programming tips, workout together, watch movies together, play video games together and so on. If someone dumps all of their problems onto you for 3–4 times per month, but is completely oblivious to your existence otherwise, then he/she is using you.