Woman, how is a guy supposed to listen to you?

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You should read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Seriously. It's an oldie, but it's a goodie.

If you can't be bothered to read it, basically just do what a lot of posters have already said, and do not try to fix a woman's problems unless she specifically asks for advice.

Most of the time, when women are talking because they're upset, they just want to offload so that they will feel better. To be a good listener when someone is upset, try just making sympathetic noises or saying things like "really? Oh no. That's so awful. Poor you! I can't believe that" etc., and stroking their arm or cuddling them while you say it.

Do not say things like: "you shouldn't have done that. Why didn't you / why don't you do this instead" etc.

I wouldn't be hard on yourself about not always listening to your wife. I have some female friends who can be repetitive and sometimes talk about topics that are boring or beaten to pieces, and I've actually TAUGHT myself to tune them out at times. And I'm NT. It's really fairly common-- for every type of person-- to tune people out sometimes, especially when you know the person well enough to know when they're rambling.

What's important is that you treat her well and value her, and it sounds like you do! Nine years of marriage and generally things go well-- you must be doing something right

I do see where you are coming from. I have been there too XD Everybody comes to me with their problems and expects me to make time for them and sympathise. Nobody ever says thanks. And I get hated sometimes.
Being friends with both parties sucks.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was dating another friend. There was a fight and a misunderstanding and they broke up. Both came to me for my advice. I said that i would remain out of it, for the sake of friendship. Long story short, one of my friends then electrocuted himself in the school bathroom. I was about ten feet away eating lunch.
It might be frustrating, it might be hard, it might be thankless. But it DOES make a difference. The difference between a crack and a schism.
And if I didn't do it, who would?
It's not much to ask in the long run.
I don't mean this yo be aggressive or adversarial.
Just wanted to put in my two cents.

Protip: The way to get what you want from people is to pay less attention to what they say and more attention to what they respond to. Listen to watch she says in terms of hearing her words and thinking about them, but also pay close attention to what she actually *does* and what words and deeds make her respond positively to. My fiance' often says nasty things when she's stressed, angry, or in physical pain but I've learned that when she really flips her top and starts going off on me the best thing to do is to literally take a walk or get some space from her so we both can calm down.

When a person says things but does things that aren't in agreement with what they say, then you really should take their words with a grain of salt. Women often DON'T say what they mean and mean what they say(ok, some do but it's not all that common).

I know, most of the time she is venting..........for a long time..........and I listen I try to listen and not say anything for 2 reasons:

1) I don't want it to go on for too long as it gets harder and harder to listen.
2) I don't want to say anything because when I say things there are 2 problems:

1) It keeps the 'conversation' going and prompts more venting.
2) when I say things I have a habit of meaning one thing and that not being what someone understands from what I say and then it escalates because someone takes something the wrong way. I think things through very carefully before speaking if someone isn't in anything but a 'super' mood.